All Hail the Heartbreaker
by madpoet08
Summary: COMPLETE!It wasn't suppose to end with me falling for him, that wasn't a part of the plan. Honestly, I hated him in the beginning. I was just trying to prove a point and I don't even believe in love! So, then how did I end up with a broken heart? SBOC
1. Meet the Heartbreaker

Ch. 1- Meet the Heartbreaker

_Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really don't like you.  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you.  
Brought you around,  
and you just brought me down.  
Hate is a strong word,  
but I really, really, really, really, really don't like you.  
Hate (I Really Don't Like You)- Plain White T's_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"You know what, I was wrong about you- you're not just a conniving bitch." He said a calm fury in his words. "You're a heartbreaker and that's all you'll ever be. You wouldn't know how to love if someone was ever stupid enough to try and teach you." And with that he turned on his heel and walked away. Funny, I thought that it would me walking away from him.

Confused? I bet. Well, I suppose for you to understand why anyone would say something as venomous and cold as that I have to start at the beginning. Although I deserved everything I got, I will say, in my defense, that I was just trying to get my point across. Okay, so maybe I didn't choose the best way to do it, but talking was getting me nowhere. Besides, actions speak louder than words, right?

Anyways, I'll go back to the very beginning with what, in my opinion, was the catalyst for everything that followed. This is my story and therefore there will be times when I'm biased, but for the most part I will do my best to stick to what I experienced.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Look, Addi, I'm not sure this is working for me anymore. I just don't think we have that spark anymore, ya know?" Roger said giving me a serious look.

I was honestly speechless- which doesn't happen very often. After a year of dating and that was the best excuse he could come up with? What did he take me for, a bloody wanker?

"So, that's it, then? Just all of a sudden I'm not good enough for you anymore?" I asked anger beginning to fill my voice. "Could you at least try to be a man for five minutes and tell what's really going on? Roger, we've been dating for a year now, I'm sure we can work through any issues we have."

"It's not you, it's me. I just can't…do this. I've changed and I'm growing, just like you. I feel that we have grown apart in the last few months and that it would be best for us to take a break." He said, delicately.

"Great, just bloody fantastic!" I shot back at him. With that I turned on my heel and left.

I stormed back up to my common room and that's when my temper really took over. I started throwing things across the room and shoving things off the tables. I didn't notice anyone else in the room until I almost took him out with a particular heavy book.

"Oi, Pogue, watch it!" Sirius Black, womanizer and idiot extraordinaire, said irritably.

"Watch yourself, Black." I snarled.

Okay, so it wasn't his fault that Roger had broken up with me, but I could blame him couldn't I? It wasn't like he had actually had _feelings_. I mean, this was Sirius bloody Black for Merlin's sake. He went through girls like people go through floo powder. He had to be one of the most irritating and infuriating human beings I'd ever had the misfortune of meeting.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" He said sourly. "Did some poor bloke glance at you the wrong way?"

"I don't have to justify my temper to you!" I replied indignantly. "And besides, you the only one I ever hex for a reason as trivial as that."

"Well, look, try not to kill me- I actually matter to this school." He said rolling his eyes.

"Oh, grow up, would ya, Black?" I said turning to go upstairs. Honestly, he acted like a first year.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So, Roger just dumped you, no warning, no nothing?" Zoey said, lounging on her bed. It was later that day and everyone had already gone down to dinner.

"Yeah, just out of the blue," I said, pacing in front of her. "Oh Merlin, you don't think he was cheating on me do you?"

"Well, it was either that or he's into blokes. And Roger is about as straight as straight can be, so I think it's probably the former." She replied, sadly.

"How could I have not seen this?" I moaned, falling backwards onto my bed. "It was over a year!"

"I know, Addi, I know." She said, softly. "If only there was some way to get the bloody bastard back."

"Well, I better get started on my homework. Merlin knows that I'm going to be up all night doing it."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

There was history between Sirius and I. That was where our mutual dislike for one another came from. I knew him when he was younger and quite frankly I liked him better as an eight year old than I did as a seventeen year old. Probably because he was more mature back then.

Our families were, well, I guess you couldn't call them friends, but they were on good terms. They had respect for one another. But while both of our parents were pure blood fanatics and avid supporters of Voldemort, my family wasn't quite as outspoken as the Blacks. My family hated anything that wasn't of pureblood origin, but at least they didn't disown me for being a Gryffindor and consorting with muggle borns. They usually just pretended that I wasn't the embarrassment of the family and everyone else knew better than to mess with my father. From what I heard, through the grape vine, Sirius' parents had not only disowned him, they had gone to lengths to make sure everyone who was pureblood knew they hated their son- and all because of who he was friends with.

Anyways, my family was deemed good enough to be talked to by the Ancient and Most Noble family of Black. So, when I was younger I had a lot of interaction with Sirius. We weren't friends, per say, but we did get along well enough. Not until we were about eight or nine though. Before that, Sirius was a pureblooded fanatic just like his parents and, well, I wasn't. So when we had functions that required us to be in each other's presence I usually tried to avoid him.

Which was hard because I couldn't exactly hide- that was rude. And when you're brought up in a pureblooded family you have to observe certain rules. Such as, I knew the proper etiquette of being a guest in someone else's home by the time I was five. I knew how dance respectably by the time I was seven. That is, waltzes, tangos, gavottes, and the like. And of course I was usually paired up with Sirius because he was my age and he could dance as I well as I could. That's not to say that I never had other partners, but I think our parents were trying to get us "together".

While muggles went to primary school, Sirius and I had tutors. Not for the ridiculous muggle subjects like science and math, no we had a tutor for etiquette, obviously, one for dancing, one for the history of the purebloods, and one for pre-Hogwarts studies, such as introductory potions, charms, and dark arts. Not defense against the dark arts, though; we learned about why they were useful. We had lessons in the morning and in the afternoons we were free to do as we pleased.

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but the summer we were eight Sirius told me that he wasn't a pureblooded fanatic anymore. Just out the blue. Which was surprising seeing as he used to pride himself on the fact that he was superior to everyone else just because of his blood. I always thought that was ridiculous, but I knew better than to say anything outside the privacy of my house. But I did tell Sirius, because back then we didn't hate each other. Like I said, we weren't really friends, but we were the odd balls of our families and that almost automatically brought us together.

Then we came to Hogwarts. My family, like the Blacks, had all pretty much been in Slytherin, with just one or two others in Ravenclaw. But no Gryffindors- I was the first to do that. Which is another thing Sirius and I have in common. My brother had followed the coarse of my family, being a Slytherin and then training to become a death eater. My older sister hadn't been in Slytherin, though, and my parents hadn't been too hard on her. Of course, she was in Ravenclaw and that house wasn't archenemies with Slytherin.

My parents were disappointed and my dad shouted a lot, but that was about all. Once they accepted that I was never going to be like them, they just kind of left it alone. My parents and I didn't get along great, but at least it was better than Sirius'. His mum sent him a howler the very next day at breakfast, screeching about he was a disgrace to the family, worthless, lower than mudbloods- her words, not mine- and that she had never been so ashamed. Her own son, in Gryffindor- how could he. I never liked Mrs. Black, she was too set in her ways and thought that everyone was beneath her.

From then on, Sirius got at least three howlers a week. They always scolded him on how he was a disgrace and he hung around with riff raff and why couldn't he be more like his brother, Regulus, who was two years our junior. I kind of felt bad for him, at first, but then as the years wore on he just became this arrogant prick to me. Why should I feel bad for him, he had no feelings.

Which brings me to why we hate each other now. First year wasn't bad, we actually had a tentative friendship. Like I said, we had so much history between us from the world we had come from that it was hard for us not to kind of stick together. We had things in common- being the black sheep of our families, being sorted into Gryffindor when we were expected to be in Slytherin, and our views on the pureblooded issue.

But there was also the fact that we were the only ones in our house that knew what really went on in the psychotic world that we had been brought up in. Oh sure, there were other pureblooded families in Gryffindor, like the Potters and the Prewitts, but they were not deemed to be as superior as our families were. After all, they were muggle-loving, blood traitors. Sirius and I knew a different world, one that we shared, and I guarantee that if we were forced to go to another function at the expense of our families, our hands would still know each other and we could step in perfect rhythm to the dances that we were forced to learn so long ago. I guess it was comforting to know that there was always someone to turn to and know that they understood what it was like.

Fortunately, I have not been forced to go to anything since I was fifteen. And Sirius ran away from home the year after that. By then, he had proven himself to be a notorious womanizer, playboy, and idiot extraordinaire. His ego started to inflate around third year and it was just all down hill from there. He had no regard for me anymore or the fact that we were on the same side. I think in his desperate desire to escape the world we came from, he lumped me with all the other people he hated. And I resented that a lot- who was he to think that I was like them? Hadn't I been there for him when we younger, to keep his secrets for him? Hadn't we stuck together for the mere fact that we alone knew the other's pain? But if he wanted to think I was a bloody pureblood fanatic, then fine, don't expect me to be on good terms with him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

We had been almost half way through the term when Roger broke up with me. I moped around for a few weeks, but then I realized that he wasn't pining over me. In fact, the very next day I found him all but having sex with some girl in the Great Hall. I pretended not to even notice and sat down with Zoey. It got back to me that he had started seeing this other girl over the summer.

"About time you got over that poor excuse for a human being," Zoey said one morning when I came down in a much better mood than I had been in. "Well, let's get going, Transfiguration, mustn't be late!" She added, all but dragging me out of the Common Room.

She didn't care about being on time, she cared about the fact that we had assigned partners and that one Remus Lupin was hers. She almost died of happiness when she found out. I got assigned to James Potter and at first I was completely against it. He was Sirius' twin in everything and one Sirius was bad enough. But, as time wore on we struck up a tentative truce and now I'd even venture far enough to say that we are friends.

"Hey, how are ya?" James asked sitting down next to me.

"Good," I said, with a slight shrug.

"Is that good as in I'm-just-saying-this-because-I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it, or good as is yes-fine-and-how-are-you?" He asked suspiciously and I laughed.

"The second one, Mr. Potter," I replied shaking my head.

"So you've finally stopped giving that Ravenclaw piece of shit the time of day, eh? Good for you, Adira, good for you." He said patting me on the back.

"James, how many times do I have to tell you- you can call me Addi. In fact I prefer it," I said rolling my eyes at my full name. Adira was nice and all, but way to stiff and formal for me.

"Yes, but I like your name, even if you don't," He said matter of factly. "And besides, I have to annoy you somehow, don't I?"

I just laughed at him and pulled out my books. To think, I didn't even talk to James two months ago and now here I was spilling my heart out to him- only because he found me crying in the Common Room one night- and the like. James was the brother I never had and I was glad to have a friend like him. There were things he seemed to understand better than even Zoey and I knew that I could always talk to him about anything.

The one sticking point we had was Sirius. James insisted that he wasn't a bad guy and had nothing against me, but I begged to differ. He had ignored me in school and when we had been forced to go to functions he just sneered at me and acted like he was better, superior.

"So, did you do the Runes homework?" He asked looking over some DADA notes.

"Most of it- I still have a few translations left." I replied looking over Transfiguration material. "Did you do Potions?"

"Did I do Potions? No- I copied Potions," He said with a grin. "What d'ya say, swap at lunch?"

"Sounds good to me."

James and I had a system worked out. I would do a subject and he would do a subject and then we would swap and copy. If a teacher got suspicious we would just say we studied together and that's why the papers looked so similar. I usually did Ancient Runes and Charms, while James took care of Transfiguration and DADA. One of us usually got the Potions, History of Magic, and Astronomy homework from other people and copied it to give to the other. James was the whole reason I was even passing Transfiguration- I honestly don't know how I got into the NEWT level.

"Alright, today you shall be transfiguring a part of your body and your partners," McGonagall said walking into the room. "I don't care what part, so long as it's appropriate- this will be leading into transfiguring the entire body into something else. And then we will be doing some work on animagus."

We spent the rest of class practicing. James, of course, got it on his first try, but I was a little bit slower. I was never good at this super advanced stuff, but I always tried. And James was patient, he walked me through every step.

"Okay, so I'll see you at lunch and we'll pull a switch," James said as we packed up to leave. "I might be a tad late, you know, coming from north tower and all."

"Honestly, James, why are you taking that class?" I asked shaking my head. "It really is a waste of time."

"I'll tell you why- it's easy and I catch up on my sleep," He said seriously. I just laughed at him. "See you at lunch, Addi."

"Bye James."

I walked into the Muggle Studies classroom and took up my usual seat. I like the back in this class- not that it was boring, just that I knew a lot of it already from Zoey. As my luck would have it, though, Sirius Black decided to grace me with his presence. I stifled a groan as he sat down next to me.

"Pogue," He said acknowledging me.

"Black," I replied in the same flat tone.

"Look, just so we're straight, I don't hate you, just your family," He blurted out, not looking at me.

"What, did James put you up to this?" I asked and he just sat there. "That would be a yes. Look, Black, I don't need nor do I want a forced apology from you."

"Why can't you just accept it so James will get off my back about it," He asked shortly. "I really don't have a problem with you- except for when you have a problem with me."

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused. "I never had a problem with you until your ego became the size of the castle. You were the one who started ignoring me, if I remember correctly."

"Well, I really had no reason to talk to you, now did I?" He said coldly. "We don't really have anything in common. You are still living with your parents, aren't you?"

"Nothing in common? Are you bloody mental?" I asked incredulously. "We have much more in common than you think, Black. We're both outcasts in our families- yes, I am too, even if I still live there. We're both Gryffindors, where as almost all of our families have been Slytherins. And, here's the big one- we both have denounced the pure blood fanaticism that our families embrace so dearly."

"Well, let's just leave it at I don't hate you, just your family," He said after a second, clearly uncomfortable.

"I'm not looking for a fake apology from you, but it's the thought that counts right?" I said sarcastically. I didn't talk to the arrogant berk for the rest of the period.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Later that night Zoey and I were up in the dorm, pretending to do homework, but really bashing on people that pissed us off that day.

"Stupid Black, the nerve of him!" I exclaimed, having already explained the situation to her. "Honestly, could he be anymore of a prick?"

"Well, Addi, this _is_ Sirius Black we're talking about. What did you expect? A grand, heartfelt apology that was filled with remorse and deep-seeded regret?" She asked shaking her head. "He isn't that deep. We both know that."

I just nodded. I usually didn't get this worked up over anything that waste of space said, but just the fact that he thought he could win me over with a fake apology was mind-boggling. If only there was some way I could make him see that the world doesn't revolve around him and his fat head. But how could I do that?

"Addi," Zoey said all of a sudden, a gleam in her eyes. "I have a brilliant beyond brilliant plan."

"Concerning what exactly?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"On how to get Roger back- and put Sirius in his place," She replied her grin widening. I could just see the cogs turning in her head.

"Alright, let's have it then."

"You could start dating Sirius and then humiliate him in front of the whole school. No, hear me out!" She exclaimed as I opened my mouth to protest. "We can get the information we need from James and Remus, and besides you two came from the same background, so you have a lot of the information already.

"First you have to get him interested, which means you have to get him to notice you as something other than an enemy." She continued. "So, over the next couple of weeks we can develop what you will and will not tell him and what we may have to make up. Once we have that, we'll clean you up to become the girl of his dreams and everything will be put in motion.

"Then, after he's fallen completely for you, you can start making him change things about him. And he'll do it because he's just so smitten with you. Then, towards the end of the year, you'll make a public and very humiliating break up with him and ruin him. It would be a lesson for every one in the dating game."

"Are you completely mental?" I asked just looking at her. "You're forgetting a very important detail- I could never pull something like this off! Sirius hates me, remember?"

"That's why we're going to change you- so he doesn't hate you anymore," She replied. "Look, you said it yourself, Sirius Black has no feelings. He just uses girls because they let him. And then they cry their hearts out. While it is their fault that they got their hearts broken, he still shouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it."

"I agree with you, but why must _I_ be the one who executes this plan?" I asked sighing.

"Cause if you're dating Sirius Black, Roger will completely regret dumping you. If you're dating Sirius Black that means you're a person to be desired and therefore every guy will be jealous that they didn't get you before Sirius." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "This is your chance to get back at Roger and Sirius at the same time!"

"Where the bloody hell do you come up with this rubbish?" I asked incredulously.

"Admit it, it's a good plan and you could pull it off." She said rolling her eyes at my reaction. "You don't believe in love and all of that other rubbish, right?"

It was true- I had a very cynical out look on love. My parents had an arranged marriage and while they worked together as man and wife, I don't think they ever truly loved each other. In fact, almost half of the pure blood marriages were arranged and I had never seen my parents show true passion or love for one another. In almost every relationship in my family and those associated with my family there was little to no real passion or love involved. The marriages were merely business opportunities for families, it didn't matter how the couple felt. It was a tradition I was expected to follow, but I planned to be long gone from my parents' world by then.

I had been trying to break out of my cynical ways with love by dating Roger, but that had just turned out to reinforce my views. How could love exist when people were forced to marry and people cheated? It just didn't seem possible to me that love was real after all that I had seen.

"Yeah, 'cause I would ever fall for Sirius Black," I scoffed. "Even if I did believe in love and all that rubbish that would and could never happen."

"And that is why you are perfect for this." She said barely containing herself. "You have enough vengeance and enough wits about you to pull it off. What do you say?"

I thought about it- it could be kind of fun. I mean, Zoey was right, it was killing two birds with one stone. And while I felt bad for making a fool out anyone, this was Sirius. He did deserve to get a taste of his own medicine and wasn't I always ranting on about how someone needed to teach him a lesson?

"Alright, I'm in."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: hey, I'm back! I know, I know, this isn't the sequel to Sunshine (for those of you who read that fic), but this story has been burning a hole in my mind for a while now...I'm really enjoying writing this, it's fun and way different from Sunshine. I am working on the sequel for Sunshine, but I'm still not quite sure when that will be out, so please be patient, it is coming.**

**anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this and there is more coming...please review- it might motivate me. hehe :p**


	2. Plotting and Getting to Know the Enemy

Ch. 2- Plotting and Getting to Know the Enemy

**DISCLAIMER: okay, I forgot to put this in the first chapter, but honestly, do any of you really think I am JK Rowling? didn't think so...**

_Cause our days were numbered __by nights on too many rooftops.  
They said we're wasting our lives,  
Oh at least we know, that if we die – __we lived with passion.  
They said we'd burn so bright.  
We'd burn this city and go._

_Burn This City- Cartel_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next night Zoey and I sat down and made a list of things that I would need to do to become Sirius' dream girl. We had a few, vague ideas, but we were going to need more information. This was where James and Remus were going to come in. Zoey was going to pretend like she was setting the two of us up and I was going to somehow get James to tell what Sirius looked for in a girl.

It was almost mid-November by then and we figured that if we could get him to fall for me by Christmas holiday we would be well on our way.

I had a plan on how to get James to spill to me about Sirius. I was actually rather proud of myself for coming up with it. He would never suspect a thing if I could play the part well enough. Of course, to pull any of it off I was going to have to put my pride on the shelf, but the more I thought about it the more I agreed with Zoey. The boys of Hogwarts needed to be taught a lesson. What better way to teach them than use their hero and god, Sirius Black?

"Hey, Black, can I talk to you?" I asked finding him the Common Room one night. "Alone."

"Yeah, sure, I suppose," He said with a sigh, getting up from where he was sitting with the Marauders. James gave me a weird look, but I ignored him. I walked out of the portrait hole and went a little ways down the corridor.

"Look, I'm s-sorry about biting your head off the other day." I said looking down at my feet. "You just trying to call a truce of sorts- even if it was forced- and I should have listened."

I looked up at him and he was standing there, mouth opened slightly. He looked taken aback- as though this was the very last thing he expected to hear from me. And it probably was.

"So, I was thinking that maybe we could start over," I said after a second. "You know, give each other a real chance?"

He just stood there. I was afraid that he was just going to continue to stare at me and just as I was about to take my leave, he spoke.

"You mean be friends?" He asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, I suppose," I replied shrugging. "Only if you want to, though- I'll understand if you don't." I added hastily.

"No, actually, I'd like that too," He said quickly as I started turning around. I was surprised that he'd caved so easily.

"Really? You would?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I thought about what you said and you're right- I never gave you a fair chance because of who your family is." He said looking a bit sheepish. "I failed to recognize that we are a lot alike, as you pointed out. I just didn't want anything to do with that world and you still live with your family…" He trailed off, looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Bla- I mean, Sirius, just because I still live with my family doesn't mean I agree with them. I wouldn't be in Gryffindor if I did, now would I?" I said and he gave me a small smile.

"Well, Pogue- I mean, Adira, I am willing to give this friendship thing a chance if you are," He said sticking out his hand. "Friends?"

"Friends," I replied, shaking his hand, a smile gracing my lips.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey James, what's up?" I asked sitting down next to the raven haired boy at lunch a couple of days later.

"The usual," He replied glancing up at me. "You got some Runes for me?"

"If you have some Transfiguration for me," I replied reaching into my bag.

"Well, of course, my dear." He said handing it to me. We sat quietly for a few minutes, frantically scratching the words down. "Hey, Addi, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure," I said kind off-handedly, still copying down the correct way to transfigure a table into a chair.

"What made you change your mind about Sirius?" He asked and I looked up at him. "I mean, it just seems so weird that after all this time you would just suddenly one eighty."

"Well," I said slowly, wondering how to word it, "I thought about what you've been telling me and I suppose you're right. I need to give him a real chance to prove himself. And I guess he will have gown up some over the years."

"I'm really happy to hear you say that, Addi." He said smiling at me and I felt a twinge of guilt. I liked James and I didn't want to lie to him- but to pull off the plan it was necessary.

Over the next couple of weeks Sirius and I were becoming closer. It was weird because he ate up everything I said. Zoey said it was because I was a great actress. I guess that could have been it, but all I did was pretend that he wasn't the bane of my existence. I just pretended that I actually cared about what he was saying and it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. In fact, I actually found myself enjoying his company sometimes. But that was something I would never, in a million years, admit aloud.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

One chilly night in late November I was in the only one left in the Common Room and it was late. I was half asleep, but I didn't want to go to bed just yet. I was staring into the dying fire and I had nothing but my pajama pants and t-shirt on. I was near freezing, but I couldn't be bothered to move. I have no idea how long I'd just been sitting there, but it felt like hours.

"Hey, can't sleep?" A voice broke in my reverie. I turned my head and saw Sirius.

"Something like that," I replied softly. He sat down next to me and looked in the glowing embers.

"So, how is the old crowd?" He asked suddenly and I looked at him confused. "You know, the people I was forced to call family for do long?"

"Oh," I said understanding. "They're bonkers as ever. I do believe your brother has had an early acceptance into the ring of Death Eaters. And your mother couldn't be prouder."

"Oh really?" He asked with a somewhat amused expression.

"Yes, actually, she came to visit over the summer holiday," I continued and he looked up at me. "Hm hmm, and she asked about you. Actually, I think her words were, 'how is that filthy, traitorous, bastard of a human being doing?' I could only assume she was talking about you."

"Yes, that would be me," He said cheekily. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How come you still live with your parents?" He asked. "I mean, haven't they disowned you yet for being a Gryffindor?"

"Well, they don't approve of it, but I think they've accepted the fact that I am never going to be like them. My sister was a Ravenclaw, so maybe that soften the blow for a little bit. Besides, I'm the youngest in my family so I don't inherit the family fortune or anything." I explained biting my lip. "My parents and I don't exactly get along, but they haven't kicked me out yet."

"But don't you get tired of all of it? Don't you just want to scream and tell them what idiots they are?" He asked frowning.

"Of course I do, but Sirius you're forgetting one very important thing- I was brought up to keep my rebellious thoughts to myself." I said shaking my head. "My parents know how I feel, but they choose to ignore it. We have an unspoken agreement- I don't tell them what idiots they are and in exchange they leave me alone. Sure, I'm tired of it, but what am I going to do? I come of age this year and then I can move out, denounce my family's ways and start fresh as my own person and not by who my family is."

"Well, I guess that works." He said with a shrug, looking back into the embers. "I couldn't stand my family. That's why I ran away during sixth year. James and his family took me in and it honestly was the best thing I could have done for myself."

"Yeah," I said shivering slightly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yep."

"That summer we were eight, you told me that you weren't a fanatic anymore that you had denounced your parents' way," I said and he looked back up at me. "What made you change all of a sudden?"

"Where did that come from?" He asked slightly taken aback.

"I dunno, I guess I've always kinda wondered about it," I said looking away from him. I couldn't stand his piercing eyes. I gave another shiver.

"Are you cold?" He asked noticing this.

"No," I said automatically- as a pureblood you never admitted to discomfort, no matter what. "Stop changing the subject," I added looking up at him.

"I'm not changing the subject," He said and I gave him a look. "It's just, you're sitting here and your teeth are chattering loud enough to wake up the entire dorm." He added and I rolled my eyes.

"Shove off," I said playfully. "I said I wasn't cold."

"You know, Adira, it's just you and me," He said softly. "No need to adhere to the polite society rules. If you're cold you can say so." He added and I bit my lip. I had never really gotten away from all the rules of my past- I had never broken them.

"Well, I guess I'm a _little_ cold," I said stubbornly.

"Why didn't say so?" He asked feigning surprise. He slipped off his robe and put it around my shoulders. It was nice and warm and smelled like his cologne. Which, of course, I didn't like- well maybe just a bit.

"Thanks," I said somewhat shyly. "What about you?"

"Don't worry, I can suffer through as long as your warm," He replied grinning at me and leaning back. I leaned back too. "So, you better be warm."

"I am," I said smiling back at him. "So, now back to my question- what happened?"

"You really want to know?" He asked as a last resort to get out of the question.

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, well, you know how when we come of age we have to prove ourselves somehow?" He asked and I nodded. "If you're a good pureblood, you will join Voldemort. And to prove your allegiance you have to kill someone- a muggle, a muggle-born, or a blood traitor. Those who are serious about being the best pureblood they can be will go out of their way to get a poor, unsuspecting muggle and then kill it in front of Voldemort."

"Yeah, I'm familiar with the tradition," I said sourly. "But what as that got to do with that summer?"

"Well, that was the year that my dear cousin, Jeffery, came of age. And well, that was a part of the family that was particularly close to us, so we went to watch the 'event'." He said, looking out the window. "Now, of course, I knew about the tradition- hell, I couldn't wait to do it myself- but I'd never actually been there to witness it. So, we went to watch him be initiated and I couldn't have been more excited. Then Jeffey brought in his prey. It was a little muggle boy, no older than myself. I will never forget the look on his face- confused, sheer terror. He was crying and crumpled on the floor. Jeffey tortured the poor boy relentlessly before killing him. A flash and that was it. He was just another face, another number in the _Prophet_.

"Something changed in me and after that I just couldn't get that image out of my head. And I couldn't stand the way my family went on about how it was such a great thing that someone was finally weeding out all the unworthy people. I knew that I would never be like them after that and I still wake up late at night from it."

"Sirius," I said softly, taking his hand in mine. Call me crazy, but I felt bad for the bugger.

"You know, I've never told anyone that before- not even the Marauders." He said looking back at me. "It's strangely liberating- as though the whole world isn't crashing down on me."

"You really shouldn't keep things like bottled up like that," I said. "It's not good at all for your complexion."

"What's wrong with my complexion?" He asked indignantly, running a hand over his flawless skin. "I have the skin of a god!"

"Yeah, so what do you call that bump right…_there_!" I said bringing my finger up to his forehead and pressing hard.

"Hey!" He said rubbing his forehead as I started laughing at him. "That hurt!" He added pouting.

"Have I ever told you that you look absolutely ridiculous when pull that look?" I asked still laughing at him.

"Don't lie, you're falling weak to my powers of charm and seduction," He replied giving me puppy dog eyes.

"Is that how you get all the girls?" I asked rolling my eyes. "You look like an over grown dog. Honestly, Sirius, just because you left our world doesn't mean you have to forget your manners. And that includes pouting and trying to seduce unsuspecting girls."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I haven't gone out with anyone this year," He said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, well, you've gone out with almost everyone, so that doesn't leave much of a choice now does it?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Unless, of course, you wanted to start making the rounds again."

"I resent that!" He exclaimed. "Okay, now you have to give back the robe- you aren't worthy enough to wear it!"

"Only if you can catch me!" I said jumping up and running away from him. He was on his feet seconds later and chasing me.

"HA! Gotcha!" He said proudly, as he tackled and pinned me to the ground.

"Sirius, you oaf, let me up!" I said not able to move my legs due to the fact that he was straddling me. I struggled against him, but he was far stronger than I and it was useless. "Sirius, I'm serious!"

"Not you're not, I am."

"That joke was old before you started using it."

"You know, you're cute when you get mad," He said with a smirk.

"Oh no, that is not going to work on me!" I said shaking my head.

"Sure it is," Sirius said cockily.

"If you don't get off me, I'll…I'll…" I trailed off trying to think of something.

"You'll what?" He asked smirking.

"I'll spit in your eye!" I proclaimed defiantly- it was the first thing that had popped into my head.

"You wouldn't- you couldn't!" He gasped mockingly. "The pureblooded code of honor prohibits any such lady of showing grotesque and barbaric behavior in polite society."

"Yes, but you said it yourself- it's just you and me, no need to adhere to those stupid rules," I replied.

"Oh bugger," He muttered. "Well, look, you can't spit in my eye- that's just disgusting."

"I'm really not joking, Sirius," I said starting to hock up a lugie- or at least my attempt at a one. It did feel rather disgusting, but it seemed like the only way to get the git to move.

"Now, now, Adira, let's not do anything rash," He said cautiously.

I sucked in a breath and before he could do anything I had spit in his face. He jerked back and I just looked at him shocked with myself. I hadn't been planning on actually spitting at him. It just sort of happened- like a reflex, kind of. It had hit him on his cheek and he was wiping it off with his hand.

"Sirius," I whispered, "I am _so_ sorry- it just slipped, I swear! I honestly didn't mean to _actually_ spit it- I just wanted you to move. Oh Merlin," I stammered on but he cut me off.

"You have got some guts," He said in a sort of shocked and dazed voice. "I mean, you of all people! What has the world come to?"

"Are you- are you mad?" I asked tentatively. Not that I cared, but we couldn't have him getting all pissed at me, now could we?

"No- rather impressed actually." He admitted standing up and pulling me along with him. "I don't think I've ever had a girl _spit_ in my face before."

"Well, I am sorry," I said looking at my feet.

"It's okay, I promise," He replied shaking his head. "We'd better get off to bed- classes and all tomorrow."

"Y-y-yeah," I agreed stifling a yawn. I was almost at the staircase to the girl's dorm when Sirius stopped me.

"Hey, Adira," He said walking towards me.

"Yeah?" I said, my breath catching in my chest- he was so close our faces were almost touching. What if he tried to kiss me?

"Can I have my robe back?" He asked softly and I almost rolled my eyes. Of course he wasn't going to kiss me, I was just being paranoid. And besides, I didn't care whether or not he kissed me.

"Sure thing, Sirius," I replied, pulling it off and handing it to him. "See you tomorrow." I added stepping back from him.

"Yeah," He said nodding. "And hey- thanks for listening, it means a lot."

"No problem."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Okay, so this definitely progress," Zoey said the next morning after I had told her what happened. "Now we can start getting information from Remus and James. It shouldn't be too difficult."

"Yeah, I have a backup plan for if James gets suspicious," I replied nodding. "And he won't be able to refuse the offer I have."

We made our way to Transfiguration chatting about nothing in particular. We sat down at our respective tables and I waited for James to show up.

"Hey, I need to talk to you after class," I said as he sat down.

"Okay," He replied raising an eyebrow.

We took notes for the entire class and I couldn't concentrate on them. I was on autopilot, writing down whatever McGonagall put on the board, while my mind was racing. I was trying to put together what I was going to say to James when I talked to him. I had no idea if he would go for the plan I had. I could only hope so. If he didn't I was pretty much screwed.

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" He asked as we walked out of class together.

"Not here," I said absent mindedly, looking for some sort of secluded area. I saw a tapestry and ducked behind it, pulling James along with me.

"What is this all about, Addi?" He asked somewhat amused, somewhat confused.

"I wanted to ask you about Sirius," I began looking at my hands.

"What about Sirius?"

"Like…well…Merlin, this is harder than I thought," I said trying to find the right words.

"Addi, do you like him?" He asked brow furrowed. "Like as more than a friend?"

"Maybe," I said avoiding his eyes. This was going better than I thought it would. And I couldn't have been putting on a better act. "I just wanted to know what he…what he looks for in a girl."

"Oh no, Addi, you are not sucking me into this," He said shaking his head. "He's my best friend and while telling you what he wants in a girl probably wouldn't do any harm, I don't want to be the one setting you guys up."

"But you wouldn't be, James, I promise!" I said quickly, grabbing his arm. "I just wanted to know if I was any where near his radar- you know if I had a chance."

"I just can't-"

"How about I make you a deal," I cut him off. He fell silent and looked at me. "I'll hook you up with a certain Ms. Evans if you can tell me about Sirius."

"How are you going to do that?" He asked skeptically.

"Well, you're going to have to go along with what I say, alright?" I asked and he nodded. "If you can show her that you've grown up and matured she'll definitely give you a second look. The whole Head Boy thing is a good start, but you're going to have put some real effort into it for it to work." I added.

"Okay, but what are you going to do?" He asked.

"I'm going to be putting in a good word for you and making sure she notices that you're not just an over egotistical arrogant prick." I replied and he gave me a look. "I don't think you're like that- those were her words not mine."

"Okay, so you can at least get me a date with her, right?" He said raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I said nodding. "And in return you'll tell me about Sirius?"

"Sure, why not?" He said defeated.

"Okay, so we have a deal?" I said sticking my hand out.

"Deal," He said taking my hand we shook on it.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Now that I had James on my side, I was set. He knew everything about Sirius and I was going to use that to my advantage. Of course, I had to hold up my end of the bargain and I decided to get a head start on it. Miss Lily Evans and I were by no means best friends, but we got along rather well most of the time. It was probably because we both had the same attitude regarding the Marauders, which was not a good one. I just needed a way to bring up the subject of James to her without her going completely bonkers about it.

"Hey, Lily, can I ask you something?" I asked her one night. She and I were the only ones in the dorm.

"Yeah, sure."

"Why don't you ever give James a chance?" I asked and she looked up at me from her essay. "I mean, he isn't as pigheaded and cocky as he seems."

"Well, I guess it would have something to do with the fact that he's asked me out every ten seconds since third year and it's starting to get old." She replied rolling her eyes at the thought of him. "Besides, he's not my type."

"Well, he hasn't asked you recently, has he?" I asked and she shook her head. "And I think he's more your type than you realize."

"I dunno, giving him a chance after all these years?" She said skeptically. "What if he's just in it for the thrill of the chase?"

"He's not, trust me." I replied and she gave me a weird look. "Okay, well, we're partners in Transfiguration and at first I had my reservations about him. But he turned out to surprise me on so many levels and he is honestly one of the best friends I've ever had."

"Really?" She asked biting her lip.

"Yeah, and he is crazy about you," I said nodding. "All I'm saying is give the guy a fair chance- he might turn out to be different than you think. Besides, he's grown up a lot since third year."

"Okay, I'll give him one date to prove himself," She said and I breathed a sigh of relief inside. "But if he messes it up, then he's finished." She added more to herself than to me.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: okay, so here's chapter 2!! things are starting to pick up a bit, I promise it gets better. and what do you guys think of all the pureblood history- good, bad? well, here's bright idea, click that purple-ish buttong in the lower left hand corner and drop me a review- it would be most appreciated and would definitely motivate me to work on the next chapter faster. anywho, hope you guys are enjoying this:p**

**ps- just so you know, I am five chapters ahead of you guys, but I won't post until I can be five chapters ahead of chapter 3 and I'm not sure how soon that will be, so yeah. okay, I'm done now:p**


	3. Plans Gone Awry

Ch. 3- Plans Gone Awry

_Where did I go wrong_

_I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up_

_With you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to Save a Life- The Fray_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next day I caught James at breakfast since I wouldn't see him until later that afternoon and I needed to give a report of my progress. He was, of course, stuffing his face. It was rather disgusting to watch and I made a mental note to work on that.

"Hey, lover boy, if you've finished swallowing half the food on the table, I need to talk to you out in the hall," I said, not even bothering to sit down.

"Um, okay," He said standing up and following me out of the Great Hall.

"I've gotten Lily to agree to a date with you- one date." I said and his eyes lit up.

"That was quick! It's only been, what, four days since we made that deal?" He said looking impressed.

"Yes, well, you're not quite there yet." I said crossing my arms over my chest. "You are going to have to make this date spectacular because if you screw this up, then you've basically just fucked yourself over. She won't give you another chance."

"Okay." He said nodding. "Should I ask her out now?"

"No, wait until the next Hogsmeade trip- there's one coming in a couple of weeks. Ask her out about a week before." I replied shaking my head. "And a word of advice- ditch some of your more grotesque habits. Such as the way you eat a meals. It's alright to eat as much as you do, just don't make it a public show. And cleaning up your appearance wouldn't hurt either," I added giving him a once over.

"What's wrong with the way I look?' He asked indignantly.

"It's sloppy," I said wrinkling my nose. "I mean, you don't have dress like a pansy, but tuck your shirt in, try to tame your hair."

"My hair?" He asked raising a hand to ruffle it, which I slapped away. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Messing up your hair of one the things that annoys her the most," I snapped back. "Listen, you need to really concentrate on changing things that you think are cool, but annoy everyone else. I mean this in the nicest way possible."

"Okay, I'll try," He said rubbing his hand. "Well, I suppose you want some dirt on Sirius now."

"I just want to know what he looks for in a girl," I said shrugging. "He said that he hasn't had girlfriend yet this year."

"Yeah, that's true. I don't know what it is, but I think he's tired of flings." James replied nodding. "As far as what he looks for in a girl, you're up there, but I dunno. He usually goes for the short skirt, dumb blondes. But lately any girl that's approached him that fits his criteria he's just kind of shrugged off."

"So, what should I do to make myself more noticeable?" I asked.

"Well, physically, maybe roll your skirt a couple of times- he's a sucker for legs and you do have pretty nice ones," He said and I felt myself blushing a bit. "I guess the other stuff you're good on- you're friends with him, can hold a conversation with him, and you don't take his shit. I think you're exactly what he needs, actually."

"Really, you think so?" I asked trying to sound as hopeful as I could. Inside I was gagging at myself.

"Yeah, I really do," He said smiling at me.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Okay, so now all we need to do is clean your appearance up a bit and figure out how to hook him," Zoey said as we made our notes over the day. "Oh! We could have him save you! You know, be your 'knight in shining armor' sort of thing."

"You read way too many muggle romances," I said laughing at her. "How shall he save me then? Climb up my hair, kiss me at the stroke of midnight, or slip a shoe on my foot while I'm sleeping?" I added poking fun at her strange obsession over the muggle fairy tales.

"Oh bugger off," She said good naturedly. "And how many times do I have to tell you- it's lose the glass slipper at midnight and kiss the girl while she's sleeping!"

"Well, whatever, how shall it be done?" I replied shrugging.

"Hm, this is a tough one," She finally said, frowning in thought. "We have to make sure it's not too suspicious."

"Yeah, but how do we do that?" I asked and she shrugged.

I sighed and looked out the window. From our dorm we had a perfect view of the lake. The first snow had come already, but the lake wasn't frozen yet. _Wouldn't that be the way to get saved_, I thought to myself, _to have Sirius pull me from the murky depths of the Great Lake_. In all honesty, it was the best I could come up with.

"Zo, I think I have a way," I said and she looked up at me. "Wouldn't it be just terrible if I accidentally fell into the lake and I just happened to be unable to swim?"

"But Addi, you learned how to swim two summers ago, remember? You actually caught on rather quick," She replied looking at me as though I were bonkers. "Too bad, though, that would be a great plan."

"Zoey, listen to me very carefully," I said slowly. "You know I can swim and I know I can swim, but here's the beauty of this plan- Sirius doesn't know I can swim. And besides it isn't common for pureblood girls to require that kind of skill."

"You know, that actually might work," She said a slow smile spreading across her face. "Let's work out the details and then call it a night."

"Alright," I agreed and we set to work on it. I could feel the taste of revenge inches from reach and I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was the next Saturday when our evil plan was to take place and it as rather good, if I do say so myself. It was foolproof and nothing could go wrong. The week leading up to it I had started wearing my skirt a little shorter, my blouse unbuttoned a couple of buttons. I teased Sirius and just when he thought he had me, I would disappear. He seemed to be going insane about it and that was exactly the reaction I was striving for.

"Okay, so there they are," Zoey said as we stood atop the cliff we always sat on in the late fall and early summer. It was our favorite place on the grounds mainly because it was a front row spot for the most amazing sun sets that took place. Today it was a tool for our plan. "Remember, really act like your drowning. You know, go under and come back up- oh, and once you see Sirius go in, go under for good. Well, at least until he gets to you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I said as prepared myself mentally for the icy waters of the lake. "Okay, I think they're close enough- you're sure they didn't see you?"

"Positive, they left the common room before I did and I took that short cut down. I stuck to the shadows as much as I could, but I was here before they even came out anyways." She replied nodding.

"Alright, well, show time," I said giving her a smile.

She crawled back down a ways and then stood up. I turned around and faced the lake, breathing in the crisp cold air of December. I was at the edge of the cliff and the stony waters of the lake thrashed about below me. I thought about the risk of hitting a rock on the way down, but shook the thought. I would be fine, this would be a piece of a cake. I heard Zoey coming closer from behind me and I steeled myself. I saw the Marauders walking by the foot of our cliff, which was where we needed them to be.

"GOTCHA!" Zoey yelled from behind me, which truly did surprise me a bit and I lost my balance and fell quite ungracefully into the lake. Which was good, I suppose- it added to the theatrics of the whole thing.

I came up for breath of air and gasped it in before going back under. Up and down, up and down. I could see flashes of the scene in front of me. Zoey was hysterically waving her arms at me and frantically yelling to the Marauders, who had by this time climbed up the cliff, and were now looking down at me. As I was pretending to not know how to swim, my feet kept getting tangled up in the seaweed beneath my feet. And then just as I saw Sirius dive from the cliff, something clamped around my ankle and dragged me downwards.

I had no idea what had a hold of me, but I hadn't gotten a good breath before it pulled me down and I had blown most of my air out struggling against it. I tried clawing my way upward, but another thing clamped around my other ankle. I was terrified, I was really drowning, and all I could think was how ironic this situation was. I was losing my strength and therefore I was struggling less, I could feel myself drifting away and what I could see was fading. The last thing I remember before completely blacking out was a strong arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me upward.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Oh thank Merlin!" I heard a voice from above me say. "She's waking up," It added as I hacked up what felt like half the lake. As I gasped for air I tried to remember where I was, what had happened, and why I was so damn cold.

"Adira," I heard a deep voice from my right say. "Can you hear me?" I turned my head and look up into Sirius' worried face.

"What happened?" I croaked, my voice raspy.

"You fell into the lake, don't you remember?" Zoey asked from where she was beside Sirius. "I was coming up behind you to scare you, only I didn't think you were so close to the edge and then you fell and oh Addi, I was so scared!"

It all came back to me- the plan, how it went dreadfully wrong. I wiped my hair out of my eyes and tried to ignore my pulsating head. I looked back up at Sirius, who looked as scared as Zoey sounded.

"Are you alright?" He asked taking my hand in his.

"Yeah, I think so," I said trying to sit up. Sirius gently helped me into a position in which I was sitting, but most of my weight was supported by his chest and shoulders. "What grabbed me?"

"We think it was some grindylows," He replied wrapping a robe around me. I looked up and saw James smiling at me, relieved that I was okay, and Remus, who was standing next to Zoey. "You gave us a right scare, you know."

"I don't really remember it all too clearly," I said massaging my throbbing temples. "I remember falling into the lake and then the grindylows grabbing me. After that I remember struggling, but I couldn't break free…the last thing I remember was someone pulling me upward."

"That was me," Sirius said from behind me. "We were down at the bottom of that cliff when we heard Zoey yelling for help. You went under just as I jumped in after you. Those grindylows put up quite the fight, but I was able to pull you up. Once I got you to shore you weren't breathing."

"We tried everything," James added from above me. "We tried to revive you with magic and then Zoey said we should try RCP," He continued but Zoey cut him off.

"It's CPR, James, CPR," She corrected laughing at him.

"Yeah, that one," He said dismissively. "Well, we tried it, but it didn't seem to be working and then all of a sudden you started coughing."

"We should probably get her back to the Common Room, so she can warm up," Remus said and Zoey nodded.

"Yeah, maybe even stop at the Hospital Wing," James added but I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to go there," I said firmly, trying to stand up.

"Whoa, hang on there, take it easy," Sirius said pushing me back down. He stood up carefully while still supporting my weight. "We don't want you to collapse again," He added taking my hands and pulling me up.

"Why don't you want to go to the Hospital Wing?" James asked confused.

I bit my lip and looked at Zoey. I had an insane fear Hospitals, both muggle and wizard alike. I had been in a muggle one a few times with Zoey because her grandpa had something called cancer and had to go there to get treatment. There had been all these strange instruments beeping and whirling and it just seemed impossible that those things were what was keeping people alive in the muggle world.

My fear of wizard hospitals went farther back, however. When I was younger and my brother, Adair, was still at Hogwarts, we had gone to a fairly shady wizard hospital- it wasn't St. Mungo's and I can't even remember the name of it. Well, we had been there for my brother. He was fifteen at the time, but he had already decided that he was going to devote his life to Voldemort. In order for him to be eligible to be even considered, he had to go to this hospital that specialized in testing and the dark arts. As I said it was a shady hospital, the kind where purebloods went to get treatments that St. Mungo's wouldn't even consider.

My mother had taken me along, leaving my sister at home with her tutor. I think she was trying to infuse me with as much pureblood mania as possible, because even back then I had been somewhat of a rebel. So, we in the examining room with Adair while his examination was occurring. They poked and prodded everywhere and tested his magical abilities. They tested his ability to withstand the worst hexes and curses, including the Cruciatus Curse. They did some of the most unimaginable things and to this day I can't step into a hospital without feeling trapped. I tend to go into panic attacks if a doctor or nurse so much as looks at me. I saw the pain Adair went through and I remember feeling that if I ever went back that's what they would do to me. Which is ridiculous, but I can't help it.

"Let's just say that I had a bad experience when I was younger in a hospital and leave it at that," I said exchanging a look with Zoey.

"Well, alright then, let's get you up to the tower and warmed up," Remus said and we set off.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Later that night as I was sitting by the fire I went over everything that had happened that day. While our plan hadn't gone over quite as we planned, it was still effective. Sirius had saved me and, according to Zoey, that showed he cared about me as more than a friend. But I had yet to see that.

It got later and soon I was the only one left. I knew I needed to get some sleep, but I wasn't tired. My mind was working too hard to sleep and so I opted to just stay down in the common room instead of tossing and turning for hours, like I knew I would.

"You're still up?" I heard his voice ask. I didn't need to turn to see that it was Sirius.

"Yeah, I'm not ready for bed yet." I replied as he came to sit down next to me. We were quiet for a few minutes and I could tell something was bugging him.

"What was up with that whole hospital wing thing today?" He blurted out. I looked at him and I could have sworn he blushed.

"I just don't like hospitals or any variation of them," I said shrugging. "I've never set foot in the hospital wing in all my time at Hogwarts."

"Seriously?" He asked amazed. "How did you manage that?"

"I learned how to mend the things if I ever hurt myself, or I would ask Zoey to help me." I said looking back at the fire. "If I got sick she would either get the potion from Madame Pomfrey or I would make it myself."

"That's a lot of unnecessary work when you could have just popped in quick, don't you think?" He asked somewhat amusedly.

"Well, for me it was worth it." I said trying to avoid the issue altogether. Zoey was the only one who knew about my phobia and that was only because I had broken my hand once and refused to go to get it fixed. "I told you I had a bad experience and I would rather avoid hospitals if I can."

"That must have been one hell of a bloody experience," He said shaking his head. "What to talk about it?"

I was on the verge of saying no, when I stopped myself. For some reason I felt like I could tell him. It was weird, maybe because he had told me his deep dark secret or maybe because he would understand in a way that Zoey couldn't. Whatever the reason, however, I found myself telling him of that day with Ade and the hospital and how I've never been in a wizard hospital since.

"Wow," He said when I was done. "Where did you say that hospital was?"

"I'm not sure, probably somewhere around Knockturn Alley," I replied trying to think.

"So, is your brother still a death eater, then?"

"He was," I said looking down at the ground. "He died a year ago in a battle with some Aurors. My mother was devastated, her only son, her favorite child, had been killed. The funeral was terrible, all of my parents' friends came to pay their respects and I couldn't even bring myself to shed a tear for him."

"Adira, that's not your fault." He said but I shook my head.

"He and I were actually kind of close when we were younger. He was about seven years older than me and even though he knew I would never be like him or my parents, he was still my big bother." I said sadly. "He had always looked out for me and although I knew it would all change when he became a death eater, I pretended that it wouldn't. But slowly, he became as cold hearted and murderous as the rest of them. The last time I talked to him had probably been a good two years before he died."

"Look, just because he chose that and changed doesn't mean he never cared about you," Sirius said after a second. "And I know he did, because I remember him quite well, actually."

"You do?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, he was always making sure that you were being treated as you should be at those stupid balls and functions," He said a small smile playing on his lips. "He and I actually got on quite well. He told me once that I was the only boy that he thought he could trust you with. Probably because I was a Black and I knew my manners."

"Yes, well, those manners have gone to waste now, haven't they?" I said laughing at him.

"Not all of them," He replied playfully.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for saving me today," I said looking up at him. "I really do mean it. I don't know what I would have done if hadn't been for you."

"Don't mention it," He said his eyes locking onto mine. "Besides, I can tell a damsel in distress when I see one."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"In all honesty, though, you should know that I was scared that I was too late," He said. "I thought that I-we had lost you."

I just looked at him, searching his eyes. He sounded so genuine and sincere. It was reassuring to know that he did care- I guess Zoey was right.

"Well, thank you again," I said, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek. I stood up and stretched. "Good night."

"Night," He responded sounding a bit dazed and off guard. I smirked as I turned and made my way upstairs.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

December dawned on Hogwarts and soon the inside of the castle was decorated festively for the holidays. While our plan had worked, Sirius still hadn't asked me out or even tried to make a move. In fact, whenever I was around he seemed to always be flirting with some other girl. It was rather annoying, actually, but I didn't let on. I merely returned the favor, chatting guys up that I knew would be a threat to Sirius.

"So, you're sure he saw you flirting with that bloke from Hufflepuff?" Zoey asked as we sat in the dorm.

"Positive- he looked rather put out." I replied nodding.

"Well, we need something else- we need more dirt," She said frowning in thought. "Remus told me that Sirius was interested in a girl, but he wasn't sure who it was. He could've just been saying that, but I dunno if he knows more than he's letting on."

"Yeah, James can't think of anything except Lily, so he's pretty much useless." I said shaking my head at the thought of the love struck boy.

"Wait- d'ya think you could sneak into their dorm?" She asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up in a mischievous way.

"Piece of cake," I said breezily. "Why?"

"What better place to dig up some dirt on him than his bedroom?" She said smiling.

"True," I replied nodding. "They not up there right now, are they?"

"No, I think Sirius and James are at Qudditch, which means they won't be back for a while. Remus had to go tutor Peter, so they won't be back for a while either," She said shaking her head.

"Okay, so how about I go up now and you keep watch," I said standing up and looping my bad over my shoulder. "That way if they do come back while I'm there you can stall them and give me some kind of sign or something."

"Alright, let's do this."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N:** alrighty, well, there's chapter three. love it? hate it? am I a horrible writer? let me know by pushing that pretty little blue/purple button at the bottom that says review! and for those of you who are waiting for the Sunshine sequel, I PROMISE that I am working on it, but I had to restart it because I hated the way it was going, so yeah between that, school, and work, I haven't had a whole lot of time for writing, but I promise it's coming along:p


	4. Eavesdropping and A Map

Ch. 4- Eavesdropping and a Map

**A/N:** okay, so here's chapter 4, I know I take a while between updates, but between school and work I just don't have the free time I would like, but I'm going to start work on the next chapter within the next few days. As for you Sunshine fans- I am SOOOO sorry about the long long wait on the sequel. I know I keep saying that it will be up soon and I promise, I'm working on it! Just keep waiting patiently, I swear it's coming:p okay, enough of my excuses, on with the story!

**DISCLAIMER:** So, I keep forgetting to put this in here, but honestly if any of you think I'm JK Rowling, well then you need to go and get help.

_Tell me all that you've thrown away_

_Find out games you don't wanna play_

_You are the only one that needs to know _

_Dirty Little Secret- All-American Rejects_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I crept up to the seventh year boys' dormitory and opened the door. I stepped in, marveling at how messy four boys could be. Honestly, I don't think any of them had heard of cleaning or pick up. I picked out Sirius' bed, which was by a window, and started to go through his wardrobe, trunk, and various items that lay around his four poster. As I opened a drawer, I found a spare piece of parchment that looked as old as Dumbledore. I picked up and turned it over curiously in my hands. It was blank and I almost wrote it off as nothing- but then my curiosity got the better of me and I pulled my wand out. I tapped the parchment with it, but nothing happened. I frowned and was about to put it down when another idea popped into my head.

"Adira Pogue demands this parchment to show any enchantments it may be hiding," I said defiantly. I know it seemed crazy, but knowing these guys, nothing was impossible. And, to my amazement, words began to write themselves upon the paper as though an invisible hand were holding the pen.

_Mr. Moony would like to warn Miss Adira that Messers Padfoot and Prongs, while being charming wizards, are not above punishing those who like to meddle in other people's business- and to please put this parchment down and save herself while she still can.  
_

_Mr. Prongs would like to comment that Miss Adira is quite pretty and begs her not to take offense to the fact that if she is caught she will have to suffer the consequences…_

_Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs and would like to add that it would be a shame to have to hex and/or curse such an appealing and rather charming girl for prying into matters that she shouldn't._

_Mr. Wormtail would like to wish Miss Adira a good day and advises her to go play dress up like all the other girls. _

I stared at the parchment for a minute, rereading the statements. I recognized the names- it was what the Marauders were always calling each other by. And the comments certainly fit the personalities of each name. But before I could explore the map any further, I heard voices drawing closer to the room. I cursed Zoey- she was supposed to warn me if they came back! I tapped the parchment a final time and to my relief it wiped itself clean. I stuffed it back into the drawer and cast about for a place to hide. The door started to open and I threw myself under Sirius' bed.

"Alright, let's just find Moony and Wormtail and get out of here," I heard James' voice say, "I'm hungry and I could eat a dragon right about now."

"I could always eat a dragon- three in fact," I heard Sirius cheekily reply.

I wondered what they were doing up here if they looking for Remus and Peter. I heard Sirius open a drawer a second later the old piece of parchment dropped down my head. Sirius bent down and for a second I thought I was caught for sure. But he simply picked it up and I let out a breath as he straightened again, not seeing me at all.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I heard his voice and then: "They're in the library- big surprise. Well, we'd better go and rescue Moony; he's probably pulling his toe nails out trying to get Wormtail to comprehend charms."

"Yeah," James agreed, "let's go."

"Mischief managed."

I heard the door open and then close again. I rolled out from under Sirius' bed and stood up, straightening my robes. The parchment was on Sirius' bed and I picked it up. I looked at it, wondering how the bloody hell they could know where Remus and Peter were just from this blank piece of paper. Then I remembered that Sirius had said something-

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I said, but nothing happened. Was I doing something wrong? I looked at the parchment and then drew my wand out once more. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I repeated, this time tapping the parchment. Then, to my immense amazement lines began to weave all over the surface. I watched until I suddenly realized that it was a map- and not just _a_ map, a map of Hogwarts.

I looked over the map, noticing that they were hundreds of tiny dots moving all over it, along with names. I looked up where the Gryffindor boys' tower was- sure enough a little dot labeled Adira Pogue was there. I looked to where the library was and they were Remus and Peter. I marveled at the map, wondering how in the world they had come upon it. Then I saw at the top a proclamation:

_Messers. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aid to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_are proud to present_

**The Marauder's Map**

I couldn't believe that they had made it- this was absolute brilliance. As I looked around the map I could see it was very intricately detailed and it must've taken a considerable amount of time to make.

"Mischief managed," I said, tapping the parchment again to see what the second incantation was for. The map wiped it self clean and it became the blank paper it had been before. I stowed it in my robes and continued my search. I found a list of wizarding bands, some Qudditch ticket stubs, and in his trunk some books of muggle poetry. The poetry surprised me because I hadn't pegged Sirius as the literate type- especially in muggle books. I nicked one of the books- the complete works of Emily Dickinson, whoever that was- and headed back down to the Common Room.

"There you are!" Zoey exclaimed, jumping up. There wasn't anyone else in the Common Room as they were all at dinner.

"Yes, well, I was kind of interrupted, now wasn't I?" I said sarcastically. "But I did get some stuff- you're going to flip! C'mon." I added grabbing her by the arm and dashing back up to our room.

"So he's a poetry junkie? Who would've guessed?" She said flipping through the Emily Dickinson book. "But what's with the ratty parchment?"

"Oh, this is no ordinary parchment," I said pulling my wand out. "It seems our dear Marauders are far more brilliant than we give them credit for."

"What are on about, eh?" She asked confused.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I said tapping the parchment. I watch Zoey's reaction as the map appeared.

"Bloody hell," She said softly, "is that what I think it is?"

"Yep, it a complete map of Hogwarts that shows where anybody is at any given time," I confirmed proudly. "This little beauty is going to be of immense help."

"Yes, it is," She said an evil glint in her eyes. "Now we don't have to worry about where they are at every second- we'll already know."

"Revenge is a sweet, sweet thing," I said leaning back into my pillows.

"Yes it is," She said still marveling at the match. I closed my eyes just relaxing when a thought hit me.

"Wait a second," I said and she looked up at me, "they're going notice this missing for sure. I mean, they use it to find each other. We can't keep it- they'll eventually figure out that we have it."

"Well, piss, that does pose a problem, doesn't it?" She said frowning. "Okay, let's keep it for few days and then we'll return it- it may come in handy."

"Fine, but we can't keep it for long."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sure enough the next day I could tell that the Marauders were in a frenzy. All of them were on the edge and without warning would start to go through everything in their bags. I felt kind of bad for making them freak out, but we needed the map for just a few more days. There was an opportunity coming up and we were going to need to know exactly where Sirius was and when.

"Hey, James, you looked kind of frazzled," I commented at lunch as he banged his head on the table. "Are you alright?"

"Er, yeah, I'll be fine," He muttered continuing to bang his head. "I just lost something that can't be replaced and it would be bloody grand if I could find it."

I didn't press him for more information for fear that I would slip up about something. Instead I gave James a sympathetic pat on the head and ate my lunch. As I was making my way to charms Sirius stopped me.

"You haven't happened to see a ratty old spare bit of parchment have you?" He asked and I gave him an alarmed look, which he must have mistaken as confusion. "Oh, well, it's just that I've had it for ages and it would be a shame to lose it now," He added hastily, turning red.

"Er, well, I haven't seen it," I said shrugging and trying to keep my voice at normal level. "Sorry."

"It's alright," He said shaking his head. "Are you headed to Charms?"

"It looks that way doesn't it?" I said cheekily, raising an eyebrow.

"Well then, miss, allow me to be your most noble escort," He said straightening up and offering me his arm, bent at the elbow. I took it, laughing at him.

"You are so bizarre," I chuckled and he grinned down at me.

That night Zoey and I were talking about our next plan of action. We knew for sure that Sirius would be alone this Friday night, as James as head boy duty with Lily and Remus and Peter had a tutoring session. I had been reading the Emily Dickinson book so that I could bring up a common topic of "interest" and found that I actually quite liked her work. Zoey explained to me how muggles have all these groups, like cults, and they called them religion. Only they have a whole bunch of them and new ones are always popping up. Anyways, Emily Dickinson was brought up in a very religious house and therefore a lot of her poetry is about this guy they call "God" and she questions his existence and all of this other stuff. It's very interesting and, once I understood about "God" and all of that, very profound.

Well, anyway, Zoey and I were working out exactly how to approach him and what to say and all. I was actually looking forward to this. Partly because I wanted to see what was up with all of the poetry- whether it was just for show to impress girls or if Sirius was really into it- and partly because I rather enjoyed our banter and conversations. In a totally business like way, of course.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey stranger," I said plopping down next to Sirius on Friday. "You look very lonesome."

It was true- he was just kind of sitting on a couch in the Common Room staring off into space and looking like a lost puppy. Kind of pathetic, really.

"Yes, well, all of my mates have abandoned me," He said dramatically and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, so Remus offered to let me join them in the library, but honestly if I were seen in there it might ruin my reputation."

"And you just didn't want to help him drill nails into his head as he tries to tutor Peter, right?" I asked and he looked at me.

"Something like that," He said a smirk now playing on his lips. "Are you doing anything right now?"

"Not in particular," I said shaking my head.

"Good, you have been delegated the task of keeping me company," He said standing up. "C'mon, let's take a walk."

I got up and followed him out of the portrait hole. We walked outside and made our way to the lake. It was cold, as it was December. The sun was just beginning to set and it bathed everything a redish-orange in its dying rays.

"So, Adira tell me something that you love about Hogwarts," He said suddenly.

"You know, Sirius, you can call me Addi," I said resisting the urge to twitch. "In fact, I prefer it."

"Sadly, you shall always be little Adira Iris, the girl I was forced to dance and socialize with," He replied shaking his head. "And stop trying to change the subject."

"Why do want to know?" I asked curiously.

"I dunno, it just seemed like a good conversation topic, I suppose." He said shrugging. "Now, tell me something that you love about this place."

"I love the sunsets," I said, looking at the horizon through the trees. "It's the most beautiful time of day here. My favorite place to watch is from is the highest Astronomy tower."

"Yeah, they are pretty, aren't they," Sirius agreed. "Like a jewel that's just out of your reach," He added and one of Emily Dickinson's poems came to mind.

"_I held a Jewel in my fingers --_

_And went to sleep --_

_The day was warm, and winds were prosy --_

_I said "Twill keep" --_

_I woke – and child my honest fingers_

_The Gem was gone –_

_And now, an Amethyst remembrance_

_Is all I own --_." I recited and Sirius looked at me impressed.

"Dickinson, very good," He said nodding. "I didn't know you liked poetry."

"I must confess that I have only recently discovered it," I said smiling at him, as we started to make our way around the edge of the lake. "But I have come to love it- well Dickinson anyways. It's the only book I've got of poetry."

"I have that book- it seems that I've misplaced that too," He replied and I bit my lip. "But I have others as well, if you would like to borrow them."

"Was your book the complete works?" I asked as casually as I could.

"Yes, it was. Why?" He asked frowning slightly.

"Well, the book I have is one I found in the Common Room one night. It was just lying on one of the tables and I happened to pick it up," I said hoping to god he didn't remember where he really left it.

"Merlin, that has to be the best thing I've heard all day," He said laughing. "That was one of my favorite books in the world. Only, don't tell anyone about it- it would ruin my image you know," He added mock seriously.

"Yes, you wouldn't want people knowing that you can actually read, now would you?" I said laughing too.

"Hey, be nice," He reprimanded giving me a little push.

"You know, I'd never have pegged you as the poetic type," I said as we continued to walk along the lake's shores.

"Well, there are a lot of things that you don't know about me," He replied with a slight shrug.

"Like what?"

"Like the poetry thing," He said looking out across the lake. "Let's see, the fact that I really do care about what people think about me and I guess being the most sought after guy in the school is a way for me to secure my insecurities. Most of the girls I date are usually just faces to me, but I like the feeling of having someone there. So, I just keep going through them."

"How's that working out for you?" I asked looking up at him.

"Not so well, the fakeness of it all has finally caught up with me." He replied. "I'm sick of using girls and I know what they all say about me. It's not like I planned on being a play wizard or gaining that reputation, it just sort of happened. But I want something real- someone that means something. I dunno if I'll ever find it, but I think I'm starting to figure out how to look for it."

As crazy as it sounds, I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know if it was something I had eaten or if it was because I was growing fond of Sirius. But I couldn't be having feelings for him- I didn't believe in that kind of stuff and besides, I hated him, didn't I?

"Well, at least you've stopped using those poor girls," I said breaking out of my thoughts. "They actually thought that they had a chance at being you're one and only."

"They were going to have to find out sooner or later," He said shrugging. "What about you?" He asked after a minute.

"What?"

"I know you went out with that bloke from Ravenclaw," He said delicately, "but you don't seem to date that much. Are you holding out for Mr. Perfect?"

"Mr. Perfect?" I said quirking an eyebrow at him. "I don't believe in that rubbish. I don't think there will ever be a 'perfect' guy for me."

"Why not?" He asked curiously.

"It's complicated," I said trying to find the right words. "My parents had an arranged marriage, you know. They work together as a team, of course, but they don't love each other. They have never shown any real passion or concern for each other- just a mutual loyalty to Voldemort. I'm expected to follow in the tradition of my family and marry some rich pure blood and make my parents proud."

"Are you going to follow through with it?" He asked and there was something in his voice that I couldn't quite place- like disappointment.

"I hope to be gone by the time they pick out a husband worthy of me." I replied shaking my head. "But still, I don't exactly have the most positive view on love."

"Adira, you're not your parents," Sirius said turning towards me; we had stopped walking. "They may have not had love, but you still can. Just because you've been taught that marriage is a business and not something done out of love doesn't mean that it's true."

"You don't understand, Sirius," I said looking away from him. "It's not just my parents and yours and all of the other pure bloods. Do you know why Roger dumped me?"

"No."

"I wasn't good enough for him," I said willing myself not to cry- especially in front of him. "He was cheating on me with some other girl…tell me, Sirius, how is that suppose to make me believe in love. If I had been enough for him he wouldn't have needed some other girl- he wouldn't have needed any other girls."

"Do you really believe that?" He asked hesitantly. "It's not your fault that he cheated, Adira. It's his fault for failing to see how great and talented and amazing you are. He's not worth your time- you deserve better than that."

"Yeah, I suppose, but it just hurts, you know?" I said looking back up at him. "I haven't dated since then for that reason- I'm scared of getting hurt again. That and I haven't had a good enough offer yet."

"Any guy would be lucky to have you, don't you ever let anyone tell you differently," He said sternly.

"Thank you, Sirius," I said smiling at him.

"That's what I'm here for," He said pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and I felt something I hadn't felt for a long time- safe.

This, in itself, was weird because I hadn't honestly planned on telling him about Roger or my parents; although I suspect he probably already knew about my parents. It was the truth and he hadn't been obnoxious, arrogant Black, but sweet and concerned Sirius. As I breathed in his scent I warned myself that if I wasn't careful I would start to act like one of those love sick teens- and that was the last thing I needed.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next night I snuck back up to the boys' dorm, after checking to make sure that they were gone. I wiped the map before I went, just in case, and then made my way up the stairs. I was still thinking about what Sirius had said last night and trying to tell myself that I was going to get in too deep and therefore I needed to get my head back in the game.

Before I left, I opened Sirius' trunk and pulled out another book of poetry- this one was black and leather bound, with no title. As I flipped it opened I saw that it was handwritten. I read through a few pages, seeing that some of the poems were cited and some weren't. The ones that weren't were quite good, actually. For example:

_I looked to the heavens above_

_Asking it to complete my world_

_And, alas, it showed me a great love_

_In the form of the most brilliant girl_

_Now I am at a loss of what to say_

_And I've no clue as to what to do_

_But I will find her, some how some way_

_And then my heart will be whole, not broken in two_

I knew I should have been leaving, but I was too mesmerized by the little book to care. I was pretty sure that Sirius had written those poems and I marveled at how good they were. It was like he was this completely different person when you got past his outside demeanor.

And then as luck would have had it, the guys were coming back up the stairs. I had to have had the worst timing in the world. I had barely managed to throw the book in Sirius' trunk, close the lid, and jump under his bed when the door opened.

"Yeah, mate and then she told me I wasn't as bad as she thought I was and when I asked her if we could hang out again she didn't say no!" I could hear James saying. So his date with Lily had gone over well, that was good. "And to think I owe it all to Addi- I could hug that girl to death."

"Yeah, well, I'm just happy the Evans chase is finally over," Sirius said and I could just see him rolling his eyes.

"Well, speaking of Adira, how's that going Padfoot?" Remus asked and I held my breath.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Moony," Sirius said off handedly.

"Oh come off it, you've been talking about her constantly, ever since she started being nice to you," James scoffed and Remus laughed.

"Shove off," He said and I heard him throw something at James. "She's nice, I mean, I dunno if there's anything more there or not."

"Do you want there to be?" Remus asked and I thought about how I really shouldn't be hearing this, and yet somehow I wanted to.

"Well…yeah, I suppose I do," He said after a minute. "I've never been around someone like her before. She's refreshing and she doesn't take my shit, which is a nice change."

"Well, you should probably tell her that," James said pointedly. "She's not going to wait forever."

"Yes, but what if she doesn't feel the same way?" He asked and I heard something in his voice that I had never heard before- uncertainty.

"And what if she does?" Remus countered. I could see someone's shoes pacing beside the bed. "Padfoot, you'll never know if you don't even try."

"Besides, when have you ever worried about a girl not liking you?" James said as though he were crazy. "When have you ever been nervous?"

"This is different, Prongs," Sirius said exasperated. "Those girls have never meant something to me, they were just someone to hold close and whisper sweet nothings to. They were just faces. I don't want to screw this up and I don't want to humiliate myself."

"Oh Merlin, Padfoot, you haven't…" Remus said all of sudden.

"Haven't what?"

"You haven't fallen for her, have you?" He finished sounding incredulous.

"No! I mean…well…" Sirius said quickly and then stopped. "Maybe I have, I dunno."

"Well, then, you should probably get a move on, because eventually she's going to be taken by someone else," James said sounding somewhat amused.

"Yeah and if you wait you'll start to sound like poor Prongs over here before Lily agreed to give him a chance," Remus added. "And I am telling you right now that I can not and will not handle another Prongs."

"Fine, I'll think about it," He said finally. "But how would I tell her- and when?" He asked as an afterthought.

"Hm…wait! I've got it!" James exclaimed after a minute. "I'll invite her to the ball my parents always hold for Christmas- and then you can make your move."

"Actually, that could work," Remus said sounding surprised. "You can whisk her away with you amazing dancing skills. I mean, we all know you're the best dancer out of any of us."

"Yeah, maybe," Sirius replied thoughtfully and I wondered if he was thinking back to the times where we had been forced to be partners. "I'll think about it."

"Alright, let's get out of here- Peter will be looking for me soon," Remus said and I heard them move to the door. "Love the guy and all, but he is driving me crazy with this tutoring."

The door closed and I crawled out from under the bed. So, the plan had been working, Sirius was falling for me. For some reason this affected me more than it should have. Sure I was happy that he liked me and all, but it went deeper than that. I couldn't understand why I felt torn over this whole thing. I couldn't like Sirius, I just couldn't! I didn't fall for guys- not even Roger. Sure he had been my boyfriend for a long time, but that didn't mean I was in love. And I sure as bloody hell couldn't be in love with Sirius. _It just isn't possible_, I told myself forcefully, _stop being so stupid and just stick to the plan_.

When I finally got back up to the girls dorm Zoey and I started to plan out things for vacation. I was staying at her house, as I was less than welcome at mine. I told her about the ball and what Sirius had said. We looked over our notes and this was definitely ahead of our schedule. After break I would pull the switch and Sirius wouldn't know what had hit him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**alrighty, there it is! We get to meet Addi's parents and Zoey's family next chapter and then it's the ball. and hey, if you really want to motivate me- or tell me how horrible it is- just click that purple button that says "review" and drop me a line! ;p**


	5. Home Sweet Home

Ch. 5- Home Sweet Home

**A/N: **alrighty, here we are with chapter five- kind of a filler chapter and not much action with Addi and Sirius, but more pureblood history and we get to meet Addi's parents! wOOt, well, not really. anyways, I'm gonna stop rambling now and let you get on with it. ps- Sunshine readers, I am just about ready to post the sequel for Sunshine and I really serious this time, so keep an eye out for it!

**DISCLAIMER: honestly, if anyone truly thinks I am JK Rowling, please go check yourself in the St. Mungo's ward for mental people...**

_You want apologies,_

_Girl, you might hold you breath_

_Until your breathing stops forever (forever)_

_The only thing you'll get_

_Is this curse on your lips_

_I hope they taste of me forever_

_Chicago is So Two Years Ago- Fallout Boy_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey, Addi," James said sitting down at lunch a few days later. "Look, are you doing anything over break?"

"Just going to Zoey's," I replied casually. "Why?"

"Oh, well, see my parents have this Christmas ball every year and I was wondering whether or not you wanted to come," He replied with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. "Well, you and Zoey, I mean."

"Yeah, that'd be great," I said nodding. "I dunno about Zoey, I'll ask her, but I'm sure if Remus is going she'll want to go."

"She likes Moony?" He asked and I smirked. This was _my_ little side project- trying to set up Remus and Zoey.

"Oh, yeah, you couldn't tell?" I said with a little laugh. "She practically died when she found he was her partner in Transfiguration."

"Now that you mention it, she does seem to be quite taken with him," He replied laughing too. "Well, I'm not sure how he feels, but I could find out. Besides, Moony will definitely need a dancing partner."

"Bloody brilliant," I said an evil grin playing on my lips.

"As will Mr. Black," He added shooting me a sideways glance.

"Oh really now?" I said trying to seem disinterested. "Well, I wonder how he will ever find one."

"He doesn't have a problem of finding one," James said, "it's more of getting the girl he wants to accept."

"And who might this girl be?" I asked looking at him.

"Oh just a girl, you know," He said shrugging and I could just see the smug, knowing look on his face.

"Well, then, I guess I'm left with someone to find," I said indifferently.

"There's always Wormtail," He suggested and I must have looked highly offended and disgusted because he laughed. "Oh, honestly, Addi, you're something else. Don't worry, there will be plenty of young, eligible guys there."

"Including you?" I asked and it was turn to give him a smug, knowing look.

"Actually, Miss Pogue, I will not be eligible, although I shall save you a dance, if you would like," He replied in chivalrous voice.

"So, a certain Miss Evans has taken a sudden liking to you?" I asked not able to keep the curiosity out of my voice. I had only heard the date had gone over well, I hadn't heard the details yet.

"You know, I think she has," He said nodding excitedly. "The date went well, anyway. I was kinda nervous at first, and was being a bit of an idiot, but it went on I loosened up. She actually liked me, Addi! It was like a dream come true."

"Well, good, I'm happy for you," I said sincerely. "It's about bloody damn time too. I thought you were never going to get together."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" He asked indignantly.

"Just that everyone else can see that you and Lily belong together," I replied shrugging. "You're both stubborn, hot-headed, and short tempered."

"I am _not_ hot-headed!" He exclaimed indignantly.

"My point exactly," I said laughing at him and he pouted. "You know, you look almost as ridiculous as Sirius does when you pout. And no it doesn't work on me."

"You're just jealous of my amazing pouting skills," He replied haughtily. "It's okay to admit it, we all have flaws. Well, except for me and Padfoot, that is."

"Padfoot and I," I corrected him automatically. "Honestly, James, good English and grammar wouldn't kill you."

"That's funny that you say that," He said looking suddenly thoughtful, "because Padfoot is always the one to correct me about that. Bad grammar, I mean."

"Sirius knows grammar?" I asked raising an eyebrow. This wasn't really surprising, though, he was a pureblood after all.

"Yeah, well, he doesn't do so much anymore, especially since he ran away. But when we were younger it was a bit bizarre." James said nodding. "I always expected Moony to be the one to be a stickler for stuff like that, but Padfoot was worse than him! Must be his crazy family's rubbish, eh?"

"Yes, well, it spread across all the 'respectable' pureblood families, because I was brought up the same way," I told him and he looked at me somewhat amused.

"Yes and now look at what that society has done to you," He said shaking his head in mock sorrow. "It had taken the ability to be improper away from you. D'you know how long it's taken me to revert Sirius' way of life?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well, first was the way he dressed, I had to teach him how to be sloppy. I still catch him tucking and buttoning to perfection every so often." He replied with a sigh. "And then of course was the way he spoke and corrected everything that was grammatically incorrect. Oh, and my favorite one was teaching him how to slouch and belch!"

"So it's your fault he's a complete disgrace to the society," I said pretending to have realization dawn on me. "And here I was thinking he was just trying to piss his hag of a mother off."

"Yes, well, I take full credit for his transformation into a normal human being," James said mocking modesty.

"You're really something, James," I said laughing at him.

"I know."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"And you're sure that Remus will be there?" Zoey asked for the fifteenth time that night.

"Yes, I am positive," I said somewhat irately. "You two will dance, be merry, and kiss." I added with a flourish.

"You really think so?" She asked hopefully and I just shook my head.

"You really should just tell him how you feel," I said and she looked at me like I was mental.

"No! I can't do that- if he didn't feel the same way, I'd never live it down!" She exclaimed melodramatically.

"Stop being a drama queen," I said wryly. "He's too nice to reject flat out anyways."

"Oh, thank _you_, Addi," She said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "That makes me feel loads better!"

"Mmhmm," I replied offhandedly.

The last week of term dragged by, but it finally ended. Zoey and I found an empty compartment on the train and spent the first half of the trip detailing our plan for the first couple of weeks when we came back from break. We were keeping careful notes on everything we came across so that we could monitor the changes in behavior closely. Zoey told me this was how muggle therapists did it- I just went along with it because I had no idea what a therapist was.

Then, Sirius and James crashed through the door to our compartment, clearly running from something. They hurriedly pick themselves up, sitting next to us. I gave Sirius, who was across from me, a quizzical look.

"We just pulled a harmless prank on Snivellus and he doesn't know for sure it was us," He explained quickly, stretching out to look as though he'd been there for a while. "So, as long as you guys will back us up, he can't really do anything."

As much as I wanted to be angry at him, I just kinda stared at him in disbelief. And then, I started laughing. It was just so funny the way these guys seemed to think that they could get away with everything. What was even funnier was the fact that usually did get away with it. But before anyone could ask me what I was laughing at, the compartment door was wrenched open.

"Potter! Black!" It was Snape and he was _furious_. They had somehow made him break out in a sort of chicken pox-boil combination.

"Why yes, Snivellus?" Sirius asked airily, looking up as though he had no idea as to why Snape was there.

"Oh don't act all innocent!" He snarled scratching at various places. "I know that you two did this to me!"

"I am deeply and utterly offended," James said looking highly affronted. "I can not believe that you would accuse us of something so heinous!"

"I must agree with dear James on this one," Sirius chimed in shaking his head. "I am far too insulted for words."

"Oh stop playing coy," Snape spat at them. "Just get these bloody boils off of me!"

"Er, Severus," I said somewhat hesitantly, "do you have any proof that they were the ones who actually did it?"

"I don't need proof! I know it was them- it's always them!" He said still scratching away. I had to admit that it was highly entertaining to see Snape standing there, scratching himself. I could hear Zoey trying to suppress her giggles.

"Well, I can vouch for James and Sirius," I said more confidently this time. "They've been in here the entire train ride."

"Liar!" He shouted angrily.

"No, it's true," Zoey said calming enough to talk without laughing. "They've been charming us with their wit and talent. Besides Snape, you've got so many enemies how can you possibly think it's these two _every_ time?"

"Nobody asked you, filthy mudblood!" He said spitting at her feet. "You are not worthy to even be in the same carriage as me, let alone the same school. Go back to where you belong!"

This sobered all of us up. I stood angrily as Zoey sat there stunned. Sure, the Slytherins had call her that before, but never so violently. I had my wand out before Sirius and James could stand and I was facing Snape, hatred coursing through my veins.

"I'd watch myself, Severus," I said dangerously. "You are no position to go around insulting my friend like that."

"Oh and I suppose a girl like you is going to stop me?" He said amusedly. "You're a pureblood bred girl; you were brought up to respect a man and not to interfere."

"I brought up to respect the pureblood men of my society," I corrected him, a humorless smirk playing on my lips. "As you do not fulfill either of those requirements, I have no such obligation to you."

"What are you on about?" He said narrowing his eyes, clearly wondering just how much about him I knew.

"Oh, you thought I didn't make it my business to know about all the pureblood families deemed worthy enough to be in the presence of my family?" I said with a dry laugh. "I didn't have a choice, Severus, and guess what I found out?"

He just stood there and I could see that he was trying to figure out if I was bluffing or not. I could see the wheels turning in his head and that he was trying to work out how lucky he could get.

"You're family is not registered as a worthy pureblood family," I continued not taking my eyes off his. "In fact, I couldn't find you're surname anywhere in the pureblood records. Surprising, seeing as I knew all the other names that were sorted into Slytherin."

"Shut up," He snapped and I detected a hint of fear in his voice.

"You know, I do believe that you're mother was disowned," I said not lowering my wand as I taunted him. "In fact, your grandparents tried to get her erased from the records. Shame they couldn't, really. But as it were, I found some very curious information."

"I said shut up!" He all but yelled, but I kept pushing.

"I think it's very interesting that you're a Slytherin," I went on in a quiet, deadly tone. "They don't usually let half-bloods in, do they? I could be wrong, but the last time I checked they didn't take too kindly to your sort. Tell me, Severus, how does it feel to not be worthy of your house?"

Instead of answering, he whipped his wand out. He moved so fast that I didn't have time to react. He made a slashing movement with his wand and I felt a gash appear on my cheek. Blood started spurting from the wound and my hands flew up to my face, my wand falling to the ground. It all happened so fast that nobody reacted for a second.

"That should teach you where your place is," He sneered turning on his heel. Zoey sprang up and helped me sit down.

"Oi! Snivellus, get back here!" Sirius roared going after Snape. A moment later there was thud and the sounds of a fight.

James went out to help Sirius as Zoey tried to heal the gash. It didn't feel very deep, but I was sure that Snape could have done much worse damage. After a couple of minutes James and Sirius returned.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked squatting down in front of me.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I muttered as Zoey finished closing the gash.

"Well, there's a bit of a scar, but you can get some ointment to take of that," She said as I waved my wand to clean up the blood.

"That bloody bastard!" James said handing me my wand. "What did he even use? I've never seen a curse like that."

"I dunno, but I think he was going easy on me," I said shaking my head and rubbing my face.

"So, what you said about him being a half-blood," Sirius said after a second, "was it true?"

"Yes, all of it," I replied nodding. "My father insisted that my brother, my sister, and I all know which families we were to consort with and which we were to stay away from. James, I am sorry to say that I was under no circumstances to talk to any of the Potters. They might have tainted my image and, Merlin forbid, actually try to get me to cross over to their way of thinking!"

"Well, if your father could see who you're associating yourself with now," He replied in mock horror. "He'd disown you for sure."

"Yes, well, sometimes I wish they would just cut me off." I said darkly. "As it were, they haven't. Sometimes I think they don't because they know it's what I want."

"That's rubbish," Zoey said rolling her eyes.

"Yes, well, you've never met my parents," I replied evenly.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"I have to make a stop at my house before we catch the underground to yours." I told Zoey as we walked out of the station. "I need a gown for the ball on Christmas Eve- you borrow one of mine if you want.

"Alright," She said cheerfully. "Let's go."

"Why are you so chipper?" I asked sulkily. A trip to my house was the last thing I wanted to do- especially with Zoey in tow.

"Well, it's just you've never invited me over to your house before and I've never met your parents and all of that," She replied shrugging.

"Zoey, there's been a reason for all of that," I said slowly. We'd had this conversation a million times, but she still seem to believe that my parents weren't as crazy as they really were. "My parents are crazed pureblood maniacs. They will literally try to _kill_ you if they find out you're a muggle born. So, for the sake of your life, whatever you do, don't tell them you're a muggle born." I added as clearly as I could.

"That's mental, Addi, why would they try to kill me?" She asked shaking her head. "Just because I wasn't born of wizarding blood, they're going to go completely bonkers?"

"Yes, as matter of fact," I replied seriously. "Look, Zoey, just do this for me. As far as my parents will know you are an unknown pureblood. The reason they don't know your surname will be because your family isn't native to these parts of England."

"You're really not joking are you?" She said finally catching on. We were walking down a crowded street and Zoey was trying to flag a taxi down.

"No, I'm not," I said. "Just let me explain you and they won't be any the wiser," I added as we climbed into a cab.

The ride out to my house took a good half hour and once we reached the gates I was dreading going in more and more. I had gone home for two days over summer vacation and then promptly spent as much of it at Zoey's as I could. I would come home for a few days and then disappear for a couple of weeks. I hated being in my house and around my family. My sister, while being brilliantly smart, had absolutely no backbone. She had married the first guy to propose to her and now she was in a marriage like my parents. I knew she didn't agree with everything they believed, but she was too worried about observing the proper etiquette for a pureblood woman that she could have cared less.

The house before us was an old style mansion. My father never did anything in a small way and so coincidently we had more room in the house than we needed. Zoey was staring at the grounds and the house in amazement. I knew she had never seen anything like this. This, in itself, made me squirm with even more dread. I never wanted her to see my house, but there was no way around this visit. Not only because of the ball, but I had some other unfinished business to take care of.

As Zoey and I made our way up the walk I tried to control my breathing. It had been becoming increasingly harder to just sit back and listen to my father go on and on about Voldemort this and purebloods that. More than once in the past couple of years I had spoken out against him and contradicted the things he had said. This, of course, earned me a backhand across the face, but at least I wasn't sitting by idly letting them decide my future.

"Alright, remember no mention of muggles at all," I whispered as we reached the porch and walked up the steps. "If my father asks you for an opinion on pureblood issues just play dumb."

I rang the doorbell and waited. Speck, our house elf, opened the door.

"Young Mistress Addi," He squeaked in surprise. "Speck has not seen young Mistress since July."

"Yes, I know Speck," I replied uncomfortably. "Are my parents home?"

"Yes, Mistress, they are," Speck said showing us into the entrance hallway. "This way please."

He led us through down a small hallway and stopped us at a door. I could see my parents lounging on the couches in the sitting room and I wondered how much of a welcome I was going to get.

"Master and Mistress Pogue," Speck addressed my parents, "you have visitors. Shall I show them in?"

"Yes, I suppose," Came my father's bored drawl.

"Presenting Mistress Addi and her guest," Speck said bowing us through the door. I tugged nervously at my sweater- I knew I was in the improper attire to be greeting my parents. I also knew they would make a snide comment about it.

"Well, finally decided to pay us your respects, have you?" My father said as I led Zoey to stand in front of him. My mother looked up half-heartedly from the book she was reading.

"I've merely come to gather some of my belongings," I replied back with no emotion, "if that is alright with you, of course," I added quickly, dropping in a curtsy.

"And who is this?" My father continued, ignoring my request. He was eyeing Zoey suspiciously.

"This is Zoey Carson," I said quickly praying that he wouldn't suspect a thing. "She's in Gryffindor with me," I added.

"Hm, and are you a pureblood, Zoey?" He asked sneeringly.

"Yes sir, I am," She said and I could tell she didn't want to be here.

"Well, I have never heard of the Carsons," He said matter-of-factly.

"That's because Zoey's family is ranked lower than the Weasleys on the pureblood list," I said and my father looked at me.

"Is that so? Weasley- biggest bunch of blood traitors," He said looking disgusted. "Well, then, your family must be even more so if you're ranked even lower than the Weasleys."

"Er, yes, I suppose," Zoey said uncomfortably.

"Well, better a pureblood traitor, then not a pureblood at all, I guess. Honestly, the nerve of letting mudbloods and half-bloods consort with our kind," He continued on savagely. "The audacity of it all!"

"Well, I just stopped to pick up some belongings and then we'll be on our way," I said turning to leave, pulling Zoey with me.

"Adira Iris Pogue," He said sternly. I seriously debated whether or not to just ignore him, but then that would just cause more problems.

"Yes?"

"You may be a Gryffindor and traitor to your own kind, but I will not have you turning your back on me," He said standing up. "You are still under my control, you are not yet of age. You shall observe the proper rules and give me the respect I deserve."

"The respect you deserve?" I asked, knowing that I would more than likely pay for this later. "You deserve all the respect of a baboon. C'mon, Zoey, let's go."

We left the sitting room, where my father was more than likely planning how to punish me for my cheek. I honestly didn't care anymore- I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I led Zoey up the grand staircase and down a long corridor. Finally I opened the door to my room and we stepped in.

"So, those were my parents," I said with a bitter edge to my voice. "Weren't they just oh so charming?"

"You're father seems, well," She said slowly, as though looking for the right words.

"He seems like a bloody wanker obsessed with blood rank and a muggle hater," I offered for her and she nodded. "Look, Zoey, don't take it personally- he's like that all the time."

"I just…I really wanted to put him in his place, y'know?" She said frowning.

"Yeah, I know," I said quietly as she sat down on my bed. "But enough of that, let's take look at these gowns," I added opening the wardrobe.

Inside, exactly as I'd left them, were dozens of gowns, each a different style, color, or length. Every year for holidays, birthdays, and other such occasions it was common for pure blood girls to get gowns from their parents. It was unacceptable to wear an out of date dress.

"Wow, Addi, you never told me that you had dresses like these!" Zoey said breathlessly, coming to examine them.

"Yeah, well, these are just the ones that I favored. I have others in the main closet that I'll probably never wear again." I replied shrugging. "Anyways, take your pick."

"What? Addi, there's no way I'd be able to fit into one of these!" She exclaimed indignantly. "You're _way_ smaller than me, and besides what if I did something to it?"

"Zoey, are we or are we not witches?" I asked her laughing. "I can alter it magically and, look, I have a hundred others to choose from if you were somehow able to ruin it."

"Well, if you're sure," She said slowly and I just waved my hand at her. She gave an excited squeal and started rummaging through the wardrobe.

"Oh, this one," She said pulling a powder blue gown from the wardrobe.

"Ah, good choice," I said taking it from her. "I wore this one at a coming out party for dear cousin Mary. Go try it on."

"Addi?" She said a few minutes later from the bathroom connected with my room. "It won't zip."

I went into the bathroom, pulling my wand out. I'd learn this spell when I was twelve because my sister hadn't been measured properly for a gown. Once it had arrived my father refused to pay for it, saying that if they weren't going to do the job right then they didn't deserve to get paid. My mother taught me how to do the spell, obviously thinking I would need it someday.

"Alright," I said tapping the gown with my wand. I zipped the dress up and she turned around.

"So, how does it look?" She asked nervously.

"Go look for yourself," I said grinning at her.

The gown, which was floor length, conformed to her body perfectly. Zoey had a fuller figure than I did, something I had always been envious of. The dress had off the shoulder straps and was sleeveless. It had a lacy over layer and a three flounce petticoat underneath the skirt. Tight up top and extenuating her curves and then flowing gracefully from her waist into the skirt, the dress was perfect. Well, almost perfect; the only thing amiss was-

"That color is all wrong for you." I said shaking my head. "Hm…let's try a more subtle color."

I tapped the dress and it turned a pale pink, but that look worse than the blue. I tapped it again and again, but the colors were just all wrong. And then I had a sudden idea. I tapped the dress and it turned black. I tapped the trimming of the edges and that turned a blood red.

"That is _much_ better!" I said admiring my work.

"Addi, this is…gorgeous, I don't know how I'll ever be able to pay you back for this!" She said gazing at herself in the mirror.

"I don't expect you to pay me back," I said frowning at her in the mirror. "No, this is so you'll look absolutely beautiful for Remus at that ball."

"Thank you, Addi," She said smiling.

"Yes, well, let's see," I said smiling back, "I have these shoes that match the dress." I added holding up a pair of now black pumps and I handed them to her.

"Perfect!"

"Okay, let me pick out a dress and then we should be just about done." I said going back over to the wardrobe. "I like the style of this one, what do you think?"

I held up an elegant gown that was emerald green and had silver rope like lining around the edges. It was strapless and tight at the top like Zoey's, but mine had a five flounce petticoat and lacked the lace over layer. Instead the top layer was kind of like a silky robe- it was closed at the top, but from the waist down it parted in front to reveal the petticoats underneath, which were gauzy material in a lighter silver color than the lining. It was beautiful and the only one of the gowns I'd never worn. It was supposed to be for my 'coronation' into Slytherin at Christmas of my first year, but seeing as I was sorted into Gryffindor I wasn't a part of the ceremony.

"Addi, how did you ever manage to get a gown like this?" She asked taking it from me and examining it.

"It was supposed to be for my coronation into Slytherin, but since I never made into that despicable house, I never got to wear it," I told her. "It will need a little tailoring, but I think I can make it work." I added slipping into the bathroom.

When I came out, I looked in the mirror. I'd had to let out the back a little bit and I had to lengthen it a lot, but the effect was worth it. The dress fit me like no other gown had before. Perhaps it was because I'd never worn it before or because it was so unique, but this was the gown I'd be wearing to that ball.

"Okay, now, as for these colors, I do not think it would be acceptable to show up in Slytherin colors, especially to the Potters," I said thoughtfully. "Therefore, the only solution would be this." I added tapping the gown.

The emerald turned to a deep, ruby red and the edging to gold. The petty coat became a paler gold and I took the shoes and changed them to a ruby color as well. I did a little spin for Zoey.

"Much better than those awful Slytherin colors," She said. "Red and gold are much more becoming of you."

"You know, I was thinking the same exact thing." I said smiling. "Alright, well, let's get this stuff packed up and get out of here. The less time I spend here, the better."

We packed up the dresses, the shoes, and various other items and made our way downstairs. I passed right by the sitting room without going in to say good bye to my parents.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**alright, there you have it, chapter 5. the ball will be in the next chapter, as well as some more Addi/Sirius action...as always, leave me a review. I only got four last time our of 134 hits...I'm not complaining- a review's a review, but still those of you who aren't reviewing it'd be nice to hear from ya. questions, comments, statements of how much you hate/like it, whatever, I'm open to everything except flames (unless you really feel that strongly about it). anyways, that's it for now thanks for reading:p**


	6. A Christmas Like No Other

Ch. 6- A Christmas Like No Other

_I don't know what to do  
But then that's nothing new,  
Stuck between hell and high water  
I need a cure to make it through._

_Dance, nothing left for me to do but dance,  
Off these bad times I'm going through just dance  
Got canned heat in my heals tonight baby_

_Canned Heat- _Jamiroquai

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was evening by the time we got back to Zoey's. Her parents were waiting for us with dinner already made and on the table. I loved Zoey's parents because they treated everyone like family. They were more like parents to me than my own and I was eternally grateful for that.

"Ah, there you girls are," Mrs. Carson said looking up from the television that was in the kitchen. "We just pulled dinner out of the oven."

"Excellent," Zoey said sitting down. I took my place next to her and I could smell the roast beef from across the room.

"Did you have a good trip?" She asked as she bustled around the kitchen.

"Yeah, it was alright," Zoey replied nudging me. We smiled at each other, thinking back to Snape and the Marauders.

"Well, I know your train got back this afternoon," She continued as she brought the food to the table, "so what took you so long getting home?"

Mrs. Carson is not a very strict person by nature. She lets Zoey do pretty much whatever she wants just as long as she doesn't get in trouble. In return, Zoey is honest with her mother about what she does. They have the perfect mother-daughter relationship.

"We had to stop at Addi's house to pick up some things," Zoey said taking a slice of the meat. "It was very, er, interesting." She added and I gave her look.

"Yes, my parents were very pleased to meet Zoey, which was surprising." I said looking up at her mom. Her father walked into the kitchen and sat down.

"Really? Well, that's good dear," Mrs. Carson said smiling. "What did you have to get?"

"Oh, just a gown for the ball the Potters are throwing," I said.

"Yes, mum, you should see this dress Addi gave me," Zoey said excitedly. "It's absolutely _gorgeous_!"

The next week went by uneventfully and Zoey and I had to find ways to entertain ourselves. I had learned quite a bit about the muggle world since becoming friends with Zoey. I could actually go out and function without being too obvious about the fact that I was witch. Which is something that most purebloods from my society couldn't say- or be proud of.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The day of the ball arrived crisp and cold. It had been snowing for the past few days and all of London was covered in a white blanket. Zoey and I spent almost the whole day getting ready. It was a bit much, I know, but she was begging me to show her how purebloods prepared for an event like this.

"Alright, first, take these salts and go soak for half an hour in a hot bath," I said taking out a bottle of Madame Renee's purple salts.

"What do these do? My mum has these bath salts and all they do is make her smell like potpourri," Zoey said wrinkling her nose.

"No, these are magic salts," I replied shaking my head. "These not only make you smell great, they clean all the excess dirt off of you. In addition, these particular salts soften your skin and give it a natural shimmer."

"Wow," Zoey said taking the salts from me. "Where did you get these?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked laughing at her. "I have an entire stash of these in my bathroom at home. This is what makes the girls look like royalty. You know, like in those pictures I showed you."

"Oh yeah! That's incredible," She said turning the bottle over in her hands.

"Alright, well, off you go," I said pushing her out of the door.

While she was taking her bath, I pulled out the make-up kit I had received as a tenth birthday gift, the collection of nail polish I had built up over the years, and a book of hair-dos. The main reason it took so long for the pureblood girls to get ready was because they always got ready together and were never satisfied. I had, personally, never been that picky about what my hair looked like or if my eye shadow was the exact shade of my dress, so I was usually the first one ready to go. But growing up in that kind of culture had its effects on me- since I was always done early I ended up helping make up all the other girls. I became very good at what I did and girls would set up times to come and get ready just so I could do their make up and hair.

"Okay, now what?" Zoey asked coming back into the room, a towel holding up her hair.

"You look through this book of hair styles while I go take my bath," I replied handing her the book. "And then, if you find one you like, look through the nail polish and pick a color." I added pulling out a second bottle of salts, this one red.

By the time I'd finished with my bath Zoey was still flipping through the book of hair styles. I shook my head, amused, and sat down next to her.

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to choose just _one_?" She asked exasperatedly.

"Easy, pick the one you like the most," I replied laughing at her. "Look, I'll make it easy; none of these will look good on you." I added pointing out four pages of styles.

"Alright, then, I'm left with a page and a half," She said looking over them. "I think this up-do would look good, don't you?"

I look at the style. It was a more complicated one, with lots of curls and twists. But with Zoey's thick, dead straight brown hair it wouldn't be too hard.

"Alright, then, turn around and don't you dare even think of moving," I said whipping my wand out.

"What, you're going to do it?" She asked surprised, turning to look at me.

"Yes, I am. I think that's one thing you never knew about me- I am a wonder with hair, nails, and make-up," I replied turning her around the other way again. "Now, hold still."

I set to work on her hair and finished within the hour and a half. That was a new personal record for me and I was rather proud of myself. Zoey sat staring at my handiwork, looking stunned.

"That would've taken at the very least three and a half hours at a muggle salon," She said inspecting the style from every angle.

"Ah, that is the beauty of magic, now isn't it?" I said smiling at her. "Let's get started on your nails."

I picked out a blood red color for her nails and began to paint them. It dawned on me how much I had missed doing this kind of thing. It was probably the only thing about my life as a pureblood I had enjoyed.

"Addi, you are amazing," She said examining her perfectly manicured nails forty-five minutes later.

"Why, thank you," I replied smiling cheekily at her. "After your nails dry, go and put you dress on and we'll see just how gorgeous you look."

I flipped through the hair book and settled on a hair style. I took pieces of my long, blondish-red hair and began to twist them from my forehead and back to where the rest of my hair would be held. Then, I gather all of my hair and tied it into a ponytail on top of my head. To finish the effect, I curled the pieces of the ponytail into ringlets, with two pieces of hair framing my round face. As I inspected the finished product, I was satisfied. Gold nail polish for my fingers and toes and I would be all set to do my make-up.

Zoey came back a while later, in her dress and heels. She looked absolutely perfect and if Remus didn't bloody well make a move on her tonight, I would kill him myself.

As soon as I put the finishing touches on Zoey, I slipped into my dress and did my make-up. As soon as I was satisfied with my appearance, and Zoey's, we left for the ball.

"Okay, so how are we getting there? Neither of us can apparate and if we floo well muss our dresses up," Zoey asked as I led her down the front walk.

"Well, James arranged for a Ministry car to pick us up," I replied and as we approached the gate I saw a ministry car idling on the street. "And you told your parents we're staying the night, right?"

"Of course I did," She said as we climbed in the car.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The Potters owned a manor that could rival mine and it was three times as beautiful. People were arriving as the car glided up the winding driveway. The manor was decked out for Christmas, with lights and garland and glistening ice sickles.

"Wow, I knew James was well off, but I didn't know he was _this_ well off," Zoey said gaping at the spectacle before us. I was endlessly amused at how fascinating she found all of this.

"Yes, well, the Potters are known for being one of the richest pureblood families and one of the most giving, as well," I replied as the car pulled to a stop outside the front walk.

We stepped from the car and adjusted our cloaks before making our way up to the front door. There was a house elf greeting the guests and two others taking the cloaks. The inside of the manor was warm and inviting, nothing like the dreary coldness that always seemed to inhabit my home. Right off the entrance hall there was a ballroom set up for dancing, complete with an orchestra. Then off of that room was a smaller room, much like a parlor, for socializing. Both rooms were magnificently decorated and sparkled merrily.

"Addi! Zoey!" I heard a voice call out from somewhere in front of us. The crowd parted a bit and I saw James coming towards us.

"Merlin, James, you do clean up nicely," I commented as he reached us. It was true- in his expertly tailored dress robes he looked rather dashing.

"Thanks, you don't look so shabby yourself," He replied grinning at me. I hit him playfully on the arm as he led us through the ballroom to the parlor.

"So, is Lily here yet?" I asked looking around at all the people.

"No, she said she wouldn't be here until later on," James sighed. "But on the bright side, we've had quite the turn out this year."

"Yes, I see," I said nodding.

"You have quite the manor, here James," Zoey said and I shook my head.

"Honestly, are you obsessed with big houses or something?" I asked jokingly.

"No, it's just that, coming from a muggle house and world I haven't exactly seen my share of mansions." She replied sticking her tongue out at me.

"Hey, guys," Came Remus' voice from behind us. I saw Zoey turn a little red. "How's it going?"

"Good, good, glad you could make it Moony," James said pouring him some butter beer.

"Zoey, wow," Remus said suddenly, seeming to have only notice my tomato red faced friend. "You look amazing! Not that you don't usually look good- it's just that…well, um…"

"Would you like to dance, Remus?" She asked smiling at him. I looked at her, surprised that she would be so forward and bold.

"I'd love to," He replied giving her a relived grin in return.

"Well, well, I guess we didn't have to do too much to get them together," James said nodding after them.

"Thank Merlin for that," I replied looking at him. "If they had taken forever like you and Miss Evans I just might have shot myself."

"You and me both," He agreed laughing.

"And where might Mr. Black be? He lives here, for Merlin's sake! Is he still doing his hair?" I asked changing the subject.

"Well, he was around but I'm not quite sure where he got off to," James replied craning his neck to get a better look around. "Wait, I see him- Padfoot, over here!"

"James, could you honestly be any louder or more embarrassing?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Hey, Prongs, you really need to work on how you get peoples attention in social functions," Sirius said amused, as walked towards us. He looked rather dashing as well, I had to admit. "Adira, hey, you look great." He added looking at me.

"Yeah, you too," I replied with a smile.

"So, I think I see someone I need to go greet- you know friend of the family," James said clapping Sirius on the back.

"Not too subtle, is he?" I asked as Sirius glared at his retreating back.

"Subtlety isn't Prongs' strongest trait," He said turning back to me. "But we all love him anyways, right?"

"Yes, it's my one flaw," I agreed and he laughed.

"So, do you, um, do you…" He trailed off clearing his throat.

"Yes?"

"Do you…know if the Minister is supposed to be here tonight?" He asked and I looked at him confused.

"No, no I don't," I replied raising an eyebrow.

"Hm, alright, well, I heard a rumor, you know…" He trailed off again.

"Yeah, would you excuse me?" I said and then, without waiting for an answer, I turned and walked away.

I was trying to fathom why the bloody hell Sirius hadn't just asked me to dance- he seemed like he was going to. Maybe I'd read it wrong and he wasn't going to ask at all. I mean, Sirius Black was anything but nervous around girls. As I walked into the ballroom thinking of this I spotted Fabian Prewett. I smirked in spite of myself.

Fabian was two years my senior and a shameless flirt- almost as shameless as Sirius. And I was his favorite girl to flirt with. I think it was because he rather enjoyed my wit and I always enjoyed his charm. We'd never dated, in fact we'd never done anything but flirt with each other, but the rumors that went around school were ridiculously amusing.

"Well, well, well," He said as I approached him, "if it isn't little Adira Pogue. And may I say, you are looking absolutely ravishing, my dear."

"Fabian, it's been a while," I replied giving him my most charming smile. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know, doing as well as can be expected," He said smiling in return and pulling me into a hug. "How's that ass hole- oh, I'm sorry, I mean boyfriend of yours doing? Rodney, wasn't it?" He added as we broke apart.

"Roger," I corrected shaking my head at him, "and we're actually not together anymore. He turned out to be bloody bastard and I wish it would've been over sooner."

"Well, that's good hear," He said nodding. "That means you're available again and we all know that I'm your first choice for your next boyfriend. We would make such a compatible couple, you know."

"You haven't changed one bit, Fabian," I told him laughing. "Still a shameless flirt, I see."

"Still playing hard to get," He shot back laughing too. "Would care to dance, Miss Pogue?"

"Why, I would love to," I said taking his proffered arm and letting him lead me out onto the floor. Not only did I want to dance with Fabian, I figured it would drive Sirius crazy as well.

And while Fabian wasn't Sirius, he was still good. He knew how to dance and I was having a great time twirling and spinning in his arms. I saw Sirius come out shortly after us with some blonde that I recognized as a sixth year Hufflepuff. I felt a lurch in my stomach and I was burning holes into the back of the blondes head with my glare. It was only after about ten minutes of this that I realized I was jealous. And I had no idea why- Sirius was supposed to be the jealous one, not me.

After four dances Fabian and I took a break to catch our breath. I watched as Sirius and blondie continued to whirl about the dance floor. I saw Remus and Zoey, looking as though they were on cloud nine, and James with Lily, who had finally arrived.

"So, is Black the new love interest?" Fabian asked as he returned with two drinks.

"What? Oh, well, kind of," I said taking one of the drinks. "I just can't tell how he feels. He seemed like he was going to ask me to dance earlier, but then he asked me some random question."

"Well, he's a lucky blighter if he gets you," He said seriously. "You are quite the catch and if I were the committing type, I'd snatch you up myself."

"Thanks- I think," I said shaking my head.

"Well, I see a rather pretty looking girl over yonder- must make my move, you understand," He said and I nodded.

"Of course, you could never be tied down, Mr. Prewett." I replied graciously. "I thank you for the wonderful dance and wish you luck on your next endeavor of wooing."

He kissed me on the cheek and went off to find whoever she was. I looked back out on the dance floor and saw that Sirius had left it. _Probably off snogging that blonde chick_, I thought bitterly. This was not good for the plan.

"Hey," A voice in my ear said. I jumped about a mile and turned.

"Sirius! Don't do that!" I exclaimed hitting him on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked rubbing his arm.

"For scaring the bloody hell out of me," I said and he laughed. "What?"

"You know, you're cute when you get mad," He said pushing a stray piece of hair out of my face.

"Oh please," I said rolling my eyes. "I'm not one for lines, Sirius."

"It wasn't a line," He said shadow of grin playing on his lips. "You want to dance?"

"No," I said indignantly and he looked crestfallen. "I mean, yes."

"Really?" He said looking up and I smiled at him.

"Really."

He took my hand and led me out to the floor. With a spin, our hands met and we were off. Our bodies knew each other so well that we could have done this in our sleep. We were in perfect rhythm together, whirling through the other couples.

"Well, this all seems familiar, doesn't it?" He asked as he twirled me out and back in again.

"Just a bit," I replied smiling at him.

"So, what was up with you and Prewett?" He asked after a minute. "You two seem pretty close."

"Fabian and I, are you kidding?" I asked with a laugh. "No, we're just friends. In fact, I haven't seen him since he left Hogwarts. He's a good guy."

"Yes, well, he's a player as well," Sirius said and I narrowed my eyes at him; like he had any room to talk.

"Well, then, what was with that Hufflepuff?" I shot back at him. "You seemed pretty close to her- probably only met her today. I bet you don't even know her name!"

"It's Layla and I met her yesterday," He replied. "Besides, I think it's cute that you were trying to make me jealous with Prewett." He added artfully changing the subject.

"What! That's crazy," I said shaking my head. It may have been true, but he didn't have to know that. "And if you were going to go song Lola, or whatever her name is, then what was that whole dancing, flirting thing about?"

"What can I say, the ladies love me." He replied easily.

"Unless…_you_ were trying to make _me_ jealous!" I exclaimed triumphantly.

"No I wasn't!" He said a little too quickly.

"Admit it!"

"No, you admit it!"

"No, you admit-"

I was cut off by Sirius pressing his lips to mine in a swift, sweet kiss. We had stopped dancing by now and we stood, completely unaware of everyone else, in the middle of the dance floor. He pulled back and I stared up at him. He looked rather taken aback with himself and then, as if he needed to make sure he had really done it, he kissed me again.

"Sirius," I started but he cut me off.

"Adira, I've never felt like this with any other girl," He said looking into my eyes. "You are making me crazy- I've never been nervous around a girl before, but I can never seem to think of the right thing to say to you. You are amazing and breathtaking and…I dunno, you just seem to be everything I need. I know I've been a jerk and I don't deserve you, but I'm hoping you'll give me a chance."

"Sirius," I repeated and as he looked into my eyes I could see the uncertainty that took over his usual over confidence. I didn't know how to tell him that I wanted to give him that chance- with this plan everything had to be handled so delicately. One wrong move and it could all come crashing down. And there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen.

"If we're going to become involved, I have one condition," I said and he looked me, a mixture of hope and fear etched on his face. "You have _got_ to start calling me Addi."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N:** hey there! I know, I've like dropped off the face of the earth, huh? well, things have been crazy lately with school and what not, but summer's almost here and that will give me a LOT more time to write...anyways, here's chapter 6! I hope you guys like it, this is one of my favorite chapters...please review:p


	7. Let the Games Begin

Ch. 7- Let the Games Begin

**A/N: okay, so I know it's been a while- like a month- and I'm a terrible updater, but now that it's summer and I don't have to worry about school I should be able to get the chapters out faster...anyways, with that said here is chapter 7, hope you all enjoy:p**

_Taking care of business every day  
Taking care of business every way  
I've been taking care of business, it's all mine  
Taking care of business and working overtime  
Work out!_

_Bachman-Turner Overdrive_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The rest of break flew by and I hadn't talked to Sirius since the day after the ball. And even that wasn't for very long. I wasn't going to make the slightest move towards girlfriend behavior until he officially asked me out. We had spent the rest of the ball dancing, but that was it. Which, I had to admit, was surprising seeing as Sirius was the kind to go to bed on a first date- actually he didn't even need the date. It made think that maybe James was right and he was really trying to commit to this. Which was good news for me- but I still wasn't going to do anything until he made it official. The day after the ball he hadn't done anything but said goodbye and I kissed him on the cheek- but I also kissed James and Remus on the cheeks, just to emphasize that it wasn't to be taken as anything special.

"Girls, are you ready?" Mrs. Carson yelled up the stairs the morning we were to go back to school. "There's a young man at the door waiting for you two!"

James had insisted on picking us up on the way to King's Cross. Since we were on the way it only made sense, he'd said. And sure enough when we came down the stairs he was standing there, talking with Mrs. Carson.

"So, you just push the buttons on the little clicky thingy and the pictures in the box change?" He was asking her in amazement, watching the telley in the living room with great interest. "I've heard about this thing, but I thought it was just some myth."

"No, dear, it really works that way," Mrs. Carson replied amusedly. "Here, watch." She added, switching channels. James' eyes got all big and round like a little kid's did at Christmas.

"Let me try!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. She handed him the remote, laughing, and looked on as he clicked the remote again and again.

"Honestly, James, you're almost as bad as Zoey is when it comes to wizarding things." I said shaking my head.

"Oh you have no room to talk, Addi," Zoey scoffed pushing me playfully. "The first time you saw the channels change on the telley you _freaked_."

"I did not! I was merely surprised, is all," I replied indignantly. "Besides, that thing is pretty scary the first time you see it and someone changes it without warning." I added defensively.

"mmhmm, whatever you say," She said humoring me. "Anyway, we should probably get going. Where's your twin, James?"

"Waiting outside, he and Moony were arguing about a prank or something." He replied not taking his eyes off the telley.

"Well, then, we should probably save them from killing each other- let's go," I said taking the remote out of his hands and pulling him towards the door. "Thanks for everything, Mrs. Carson, we'll see you soon!" I added as I pushed James out the door and grabbed my trunk.

"Bye mum, bye dad!" Zoey said following us out and closing the door.

We made our way down the walk to where another Ministry car was idling and loaded our trunks into the back. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were in the front seat and James, Zoey, and I climbed into the back, with Sirius and Remus. They were indeed in a heated argument that was very amusing to watch because Remus seemed to have the upper hand.

"Padfoot, honestly, that is the _stupidest_ thing I have ever heard!" Remus was saying rolling his eyes.

"What! How can you say that? It's bloody brilliant, if I say so myself," Sirius shot back, clearly offended. "Prongs, wouldn't bewitching a thousand balloons, filled with various ice cream toppings- like marshmallow, caramel, and butterscotch- to drop on everyone in the Great Hall at dinner be a great prank?"

"Er…no?" James replied as though he weren't sure if Sirius was serious.

"Why not?" He asked frustrated that no one agreed with him.

"Maybe, and this is just a shot in the dark, because you would not only have the entire school after your hides," I piped up and he turned towards me, "but I, for one, would kill you in your sleep for sure."

"Okay, but if you didn't count that," He said apparently desperate for some sort of approval.

"Let it go, mate, let it go," James said patting Sirius on the shoulder and shaking his head.

"So, girls, how was the rest of your break?" Remus asked turning towards us.

"Not long enough," Zoey muttered sourly. "You do realize that we're not going to have time for anything but food, sleep, and studying, don't you? And I'm not sure that sleep will even get factored into the equation."

"Aw, why did you have to go and remind me?" Sirius whined, pretending to pout. "I was still on the delusion that the teachers weren't going to give us any homework and we were going to party the entire second term."

"Yeah, well, someone had to bring you back to reality," Remus said laughing. "Don't worry, it won't be as bad you think- just think, after this term we're done with school."

"That's a scary thought," James said shaking his head. "Oh! Hang on, let me go get Lily." He added as the car pulled up in front of a white house.

We got to King's Cross with ten minutes to spare. We found an empty compartment and loaded our trunks up on the luggage rack. We spent the first half of the trip playing exploding snap and reminiscing on our time at Hogwarts.

"And then Filch walked in on Peeves throwing books off the shelves and we got off Scott free," James finished as we laughed. "And that is why we, the Marauders, are the greatest pranksters and mischief makers ever known to Hogwarts."

"I still can't believe you guys have gotten away with as much as you have," Zoey said between giggles. "Honestly, if it had been me I would have been expelled."

"It's a gift and a curse," Sirius said dramatically and I rolled my eyes.

"Please, it's sheer dumb luck that you guys get away- and it's probably by the skin of your teeth, too," I said and Lily laughed.

"I'm going to have to agree with Addi," She said grinning. "While you may be the brightest wizards of our year, it seems that luck plays a great role in your endeavors."

"Yes, well, we are still the greatest group of pranksters Hogwarts has ever seen," James said unperturbed by this information.

"Well, hey, I have to go patrol around for a while," Remus said after a minute, checking his watch, "Zoey, d'you want to join me?"

"Yeah, er, sure," She said nodding and standing up. "See you guys later."

"Yeah, James we should go talk to the Ravenclaw prefects- they've been bugging me for ages about the duty changes for this term." Lily added, standing as well.

"Oh yeah, that's right, they've been bugging me too," James said quickly and they also left the compartment.

I knew what was going on- they were giving Sirius and me our privacy so that if something were to happen it could. But as I was playing it cool and hard to get, I simply smiled at Sirius, pulled out a book, and began to read it. If he wanted my attention, he was going to have to work for it.

"So, I've been thinking a lot since the ball," Sirius said after a few minutes of silence. "About us, I mean," He added watching me closely for a reaction.

"Oh yeah?" I said not glancing up from my book. Inside I was smirking at how much torture this must be for him- he had never had a girl who didn't give him what he wanted right away before, after all.

"Yeah," He said a little more assertively, pulling the book from my hands and setting it on the seat beside me, giving me no choice but to look up at him. "And well, I was wondering if you wanted to go out?"

"Go out?" I said raising an eyebrow. "Like on a date?"

"Well, yeah- I mean no! I mean," He paused to collect himself, "yes on a date, but more as a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. You know," He grimaced slightly, "like going steady- for lack of better word," He added and I had to bite back a laugh.

"Hm…" I said thoughtfully, dragging this out for as long as possible, "I have to think about this. I mean, you don't exactly have the best reputation when it comes to girls and quite frankly I'm not sure if I trust you. What if you get bored, say, two weeks in? You aren't exactly the committing type, Sirius."

"Addi," He said desperately and I picked up that he used my nickname, "I'll do whatever it takes to show you that you aren't just some girl. You're a challenge and I like that- I've certainly never had to try this hard ever before to get a date. I told you at the ball that you're all I need and I meant it. Please, just give me one chance to prove myself," He pleaded crouching before me. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and I knew I had hooked him for sure.

"Sirius," I sighed and he dropped his head, looking defeated. "Of course I'll give you a chance!" He looked up, disbelieving for a second, and then his face spilt into a huge smile. I smiled back, thinking about how he had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"And then he makes this, like, speech about how he'll do anything to prove to me that I'm different than all of those other girls he's dated," I finished regaling the whole thing to Zoey later that night. "It's pathetic, I swear, how whipped he is already and I haven't even started to twist him all the way around my finger."

"Well, that gives you less work to do, then, doesn't it?" She said laughing. "He's going to regret the day he was born."

"Okay, so I'll continue being the perfect girlfriend for a couple of more weeks and then I'll pull a switch. He'll be so hooked by then he'll do whatever I tell him to." I said grinning to myself at how well this plan was going.

Classes started again and the work load was getting heavier. There was little time for anything but studying and sleeping. Sirius continued to be completely smitten with me and I was actually enjoying myself. Although it wasn't from deceiving him as much as from the perks that came with being his girlfriend. He was a phenomenal kisser and I had to exercise a lot of self control. But I guess I was also entertained every time I pulled back and denied him more. He would always give me that ridiculous puppy dog face, pouting until I tried to walk away, in which case he would wrap his arms around my waist and refuse to let go. As much as I hated to admit it, I felt a sense of security from being in his arms and I liked it. But that was a fact that I would be taking to my grave with me.

"Addi, will you please go and grace Sirius with your presence, he is driving me insane," Zoey said frustrated as she walked into the dorm one day. "I promised him you would come down if he stopped pestering me."

"Yeah, alright," I said laughing. As I made my way down the stairs I thought today as good a day as any to pull my switch.

"There you are! I think Zoey was getting a bit annoyed with me," I heard Sirius' voice say just I descended the last step.

"A bit?" I said raising an eyebrow. "I think she was about two seconds away from hexing you."

"Well, can I help it if I'm going crazy down here while you stay up there studying all day?" He asked innocently. "C'mon, let's go to my room, we'll have more privacy there." He added entwining his fingers with mine and pulling me closer to him.

As soon as he shut the door he turned and started to advance on me. Not being one to just give in, I kept back up until my back hit the bedpost. He stopped just a few inches short of me and looked into my eyes. Something about the emotion in his eyes was pulling me towards him until I was kissing him softly. He returned the kiss, deepening it as his hands locked onto my waist and his body grinded against mine. Just as I felt his fingers brush the skin beneath my shirt I pulled back.

"Tsk, tsk Sirius, I'm not going to go that easily." I taunted breathlessly, smiling up at him.

"I didn't think you would," He replied just as breathlessly, leaning his forehead against mine. "Come here," He added walking backwards a couple of paces and sitting on his bed against the backboard, long legs stretched out in front of him. I sat down next to him and he put an arm around my shoulders.

"You know I was thinking," I said looking up at him and twirling some of his ridiculously long hair between my fingers, "isn't it about time you cleaned up a bit?"

"What do you mean?" He asked frowning.

"I dunno, maybe actually tucked your shirt in, roll your sleeves up if you're not going to button them…that sort of thing." I replied shrugging. "I've said it before and I'll say it again- just because you turned your back on your family doesn't mean you have to turn your back on the etiquette you acquired from them."

"I suppose your right, but it's so much easier to just go sloppy," He said smirking down at me.

"Please," I said rolling my eyes and standing up. "Sloppy is never acceptable, I don't care who you are, and it's just…gross. Anyway, I'm not saying you have to be the poster boy for perfect, just some little things. C'mon, get up."

"Alright, alright," He sighed rolling off the bed and standing up. "Do with me what you will."

I walked around him, first tucking his shirt in- feeling what had to be a six pack underneath- and then rolling his sleeves to his elbows. I tightened his tie so that it hung loosely around his neck and then turned him around to face the mirror.

"There, see, you look ten times better already," I said smiling and he smiled back.

"I like it."

"Good. Now, the only thing left is you hair." I said biting my lip as I said it. I knew how particular he was about it.

"What's wrong with my hair?" He asked defensively.

"Well, nothing, except," I paused wondering how to word it, "it is a tad long."

"What's wrong with long?" He asked crossing his arms. "Your hair is long."

"Yes, but I'm a girl, my hair is suppose to be long," I said shaking my head, amused at how offended he was. "Your hair is almost longer than some of the girls' here- Sirius it's almost past your shoulders."

"You don't like it?" He said tilting his head to the left.

"It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I've never been a big fan of guys with long hair." I replied shrugging. "Look, why don't you let me give you a trim and I promise you'll love it even more that this mop."

"Hey! My hair may be long, but it isn't a mop," He said indignantly as I pulled my wand out. "That would be James' hair."

"Well, true, but yours is getting dangerously close to mop status," I replied trying not to laugh at the expression on his face. "So what do you say? Will you let me cut it?"

"You can cut hair?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh c'mon, do you honestly think our dear cousins did their hair themselves? Please, I've been most of their stylists for years now," I scoffed rolling my eyes. "Trust me, Sirius, I can do your hair, no problem."

"Well, okay, just be careful with it," He said and I led him over to a chair. "Just a trim, right?"

"Right." I said grinning to myself.

I set to work snipping his hair to my satisfaction. I had been itching to do this for months, he looked like a bum with his hair so shaggy and I hated it. By the time I was done not only did he look loads better, this new shorter hair gave him an older and more clean-cut look. Don't get me wrong, I didn't cut it all off; his hair was just long enough to fall gracefully into his grey eyes.

"There, take a look," I said proudly handing him a mirror.

"It's gone." He said finally looking at it from all directions and running his hand through his now short hair. "It's so…short."

"Well, yeah, that's the idea," I said wondering what he thought. "It looks kind of like how you use to wear it, y'know, in fifth year."

"Yeah, it does," He agreed nodding. "You sure this was a good idea?"

"You hate it, don't you?" I said letting my face fall. Inside I was kind of disappointed, but at the same time satisfied that he didn't like it.

"No! I don't hate it, it's just…different," He said quickly and I looked up. "Look, it's just hair, right? It'll grow back and I'm sure I'll grow used this style and like it."

"Are you sure?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Positive, love," He replied kissing me on the forehead and hugging me. "And like you said, I look ten times better than I did half an hour ago."

"That's true," I said smiling into his chest. "C'mon, it's about time for dinner." I added stepping out of his embrace and wrapping my hand in his, pulling him with me.

"What? And let people see me like this?" He asked in mock horror. I fixed him with a look.

"Fine, stay here and starve," I said shrugging and taking my hand out of his. "I'm going to get something to eat." I added making my way to the door.

"Wait, wait," He said catching up with me on the stairs as I walked down to the Common Room. "You can't just walk into the Great Hall now- everyone will be there."

"And?" I said wondering what his point was.

"And you will look completely foolish," He said as if it should have been obvious. "So, to save you from this terrible embarrassment I will escort you to the Great Hall and be your knight in shining armor."

"Sirius I don't know how to break this to you," I said cautiously, "but I don't need you. I'm sorry to bruise you already fragile ego, but that's the truth."

"You're just in denial," He sighed dramatically.

We walked down the corridors, not in any hurry, just chatting idly. I couldn't help but admire how well I had done with him. If girls had been jealous before, well, they'd be trying to sabotage our relationship now. It was amazing what a little hair cut and tucking in could do.

"Wow, Padfoot, take a look at you," James said doing a double take to make sure that it was really Sirius.

"When's the job interview?" Remus added laughing. Sirius just scowled at the both of them.

"You're just jealous because I look so bloody hot," He said dropping into the seat next to James while I sat down next Remus.

"Yeah, I mean now I'll actually have to worry about him cheating." I said and he stuck his tongue out at me.

I noticed that Remus was looking particularly tired and worn, but I didn't ask about it. He always looked…older than he was. But I figured that was from trying to keep up with James and Sirius all the time. He and Zoey had had some kind falling out and now she was avoiding him. She wouldn't tell me what the fight was about, just that it wasn't his fault.

"So, how's Zoey doing?" Remus asked me as James and Sirius began talking about pranks. "She's been avoiding me and I don't want her to hex me if I get too close."

"She's fine, honestly Remus," I said sincerely, smiling at him. Sure he had hurt my best friend, but I still felt bad for the guy. "She doesn't blame you for whatever it is you two had a row about," I added and he looked up me sharply.

"She didn't tell you?" He asked uncertainly.

"No, she wouldn't tell me a thing." I sighed shaking my head. "She said it was too personal and that she didn't want to make things worse than they already were."

"But she hasn't been crying or anything has she?" He asked anxiously.

"Well, maybe a bit at night, but other than that she's completely normal." I said shrugging. "I think she's trying to keep her mind off of it. In any case, I don't think she'd ever hex you, Remus, she likes you too much."

"Yeah, well, I don't think she's too keen on me at the moment." He said bitterly. "If only…well, I can't live on wishful thinking, now can I? Will you tell her that I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart?"

"Tell her yourself," I said shortly. I wasn't going to play messenger to the two of them. "She'd much rather hear it from you and I hate being the messenger. They're always the ones who get jinxed."

"Yes, that's true, although I highly doubt Zoey would jinx you and you needn't be afraid of me," He replied laughing. "Well, I've got to get going- my mum's sick again and I've got to visit her."

"Is it serious?" I asked concerned. I hadn't known his mum was sick.

"Er, well, we don't really know," He said uncomfortably. "It's more of an on and off thing, y'know. Nothing to worry about though, I'll see you in a couple of days."

I thought about Remus and his mum being sick. No one had ever said anything about it. But then, if someone close to me were sick like that I wouldn't want it widely known. Still, there was something about his story that bugged me. Why was he only going for a couple of days? And why hadn't they tried to get the sickness cured? But I pushed these thoughts from my mind as I thought about Sirius and what was in store for him. I was enjoying myself immensely in torturing and toying with him. I knew it was wrong, but it was just so easy.

And while I felt a twinge of guilt it was never enough to keep me from continuing on with my revenge. Everything was going as planned. Soon enough it would be time to dump Sirius and ruin him. And yet there was something inside my head telling me I couldn't do it; perhaps it was my conscience. I found myself pushing these kinds of thoughts away more and more as time went on, but I was determined to see this plan out.

And nothing was going to get in the way of that.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**and there it is, chapter 7- what will she do? listen to her heart or her head? hmm, well, you'll just have to wait and find out! please, please, please review:p**


	8. Frogs and Secrets

Ch. 8- Frogs and Secrets

_I'll tell you this is something that_

_You'll never hear_

_They knew it then and they've _

_Been holding back for years_

_And if you're not getting answers_

_Ask better questions_

_Q- Cartel_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

January had melted into February, which was quickly passing on to March. I still hadn't found out what Zoey and Remus had been fighting about, but they seemed to have talked it out and were on rocky, yet friendly, terms. James and Lily were in love, but denied it to anyone who told them so. I thought this highly amusing seeing as the whole bloody school had known James was in love with Lily for years now and anyone with two brain cells could tell she felt the same way too. I was waiting for them to announce their engagement any day now.

As for Sirius, he was as whipped as ever. Our relationship wasn't perfect by any means- oh no, I wouldn't allow it. I purposely picked fights with him just for the reaction, to rile him up, or just remind myself once again why I hated him. Of course he made that hard when he would come begging my forgiveness half an hour later. Nevertheless, I was enjoying myself immensely.

"Hey, Addi," I heard a quiet voice say. I was in the library, studying as per usual, and when I looked up I saw Roger standing there.

"Oh, hello," I replied looking back down to figure out the method for transfiguration.

"Do you mind if I…sit down?" He asked nervously.

"No, not at all," I said still not looking up at him. Truth be told, as much as I'd wanted this I honestly didn't care if he wanted me back or not; it didn't really matter anymore.

"How have you been?" He asked after a minute. I sighed marking my place and closing my book.

"Fine," I said looking him across the table. "What do you want?"

"Addi, I'm sorry about breaking up with you," He started and I resisted the powerful urge to roll my eyes. I thought we had gotten past this. "All I want is to prove to you that I deserve a second chance."

"It's a little late, isn't it?" I asked with a bit of an edge to my voice. "I'm dating someone else now, Roger."

"Yes I know- it's Black," He said somewhat bitterly. "But Addi, he's no good for you- he's just going to end up dumping you or cheating on you. I would never hurt you- he's just using you. He uses all the girls. I just wish you could see that we belong together."

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" I asked incredulously. "You'd never hurt me? News flash, Roger, you _cheated_ on me before you _dumped_ me. And as far as I know Sirius hasn't done either of those things. You know, I was miserable for quite a while, hoping that you would come back. But now I could care less that you have. Why don't you go find your little playmate, I'm sure you can put her to good use."

I picked up my books and stalked out of the library. _Well_, I thought wryly, _at least it worked- he wants me back_. I was still seething when I got back to the Common Room and I went straight up to the dorm. I yanked the curtains close around the four poster and took a couple of deep breaths. I didn't know why I was so riled up; I mean I had been over Roger for a long time. I suppose it was the fact that he had stated exactly what I was afraid of- what if Sirius did cheat on me? I shook my head- honestly, why did I care? And it had been _Roger_ who had said it.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So, I still need to do that ridiculous essay for Slughorn on the different kinds of love potions," Zoey said as we walked to Transfiguration. "That man hates me, I swear."

"Yes, well, it shouldn't be too difficult. I mean, the differences are fairly evident," I replied laughing. "At least you don't have it as bad as Sirius- he's got to write three rolls of parchment on why it isn't funny to blow up other people's potions."

"Serves him right, though," She said laughing too, "he was bound to get caught."

"Addi!" I turned and saw Roger weaving through the crowd towards me.

"Oh no, here he comes again," I said groaning. "Can't he just leave me be?"

In the last week he had hunted me down and tried to make me forgive him. It was always the same- that he would never hurt me again, that he was miserable without me, that Sirius was bound to leave me anyway, and all of that bloody rubbish.

"I dunno, but do you want me to hex him?" Zoey said reaching for her wand.

"No, no, I'll take care of it. Go on without me, I'll catch up in a minute." I replied shaking me head.

"Hey," Roger said as he approached me. "Look, can I talk to you?"

"No, because I already know what you're going to say," I said coldly. "Roger, just leave me alone! Don't you understand that I'm not going to forgive you or go out with you again?"

"Addi, you don't mean that, c'mon sweetie," He said softly taking a few steps closer to me. I backed up until I hit a wall. "You want to give me a second chance, I know you do."

"No, I really don't," I said defiantly. "Please move."

"Black's brainwashed you, hasn't he?" He said a cold edge to his voice, eyes narrowing. "That dolt has nothing to offer you. He'll just cheat on you in time; I can give you everything you need." He added stroking my cheek with his hand, while pinning my wrist down with the other.

"Roger, stop, please," I said using my free hand to try and push his hand away. He grabbed it, holding me in place. "Get off!"

"Addi, I know you want this- you want a reason to dump Black," He whispered softly, his face centimeters from mine. I squirmed under his grip. "Just admit it."

"Oi, what do you think you're doing?" I heard a voice ring out from the other end of the corridor. Roger turned and around him I saw Sirius striding angrily towards us.

"Go away, Black, Addi doesn't want you," Roger spat at him, turning back to me. The look on Sirius' face was venomous.

"Excuse me, I do believe that's for her to decide, not you," He said dropping his bag on the ground.

"Well, why don't you just take my word for it," Roger said not looking at him. My wrists were starting to hurt from his tight grip and I kept squirming, trying to break free. "She belongs with me."

"That's funny because, as I recall, it was you who cheated on her and you didn't seem so keen on her then," Sirius said mockingly pulling his wand out. "And, you know, it seems to me that she _doesn't_ want to be with you- can't you tell she's struggling to get away from you?"

"Just stay out of this Black!" He exclaimed loudly, grinding his body up against mine.

The next moment, Sirius had jerked his wand up and Roger was hanging upside down in midair. The only problem with this was that he still had a hold of my wrists and so I had been jerked up with him, arms over my head. I reflected on how funny this scene must have looked, but couldn't fully appreciate it for fear of being dropped.

"Let her go, Caldswald," Sirius said from below me. I wasn't more than three and a half feet off the ground, but my arms felt like they were going pop out their sockets at any moment. "Before she falls and gets hurt."

"Black! What did you do?" Roger all but yelled and I swayed dangerously from side to side.

"Nothing that can't be reversed," He replied calmly. "Now, let her drop and then I'll let you down."

"Please, Roger, just do it," I said looking up at him. He gave me a calculating look for a minute and then his grip loosened and I fell to the ground, where Sirius steadied me before I fell all the way over.

"C'mon," He said weaving his fingers through mine and pulling after him. He stooped to pick his bag up and then continued leading me down the hall.

"Hey! What about me?" Roger shouted after us. "You said you'd let me down, Black!"

When we reached the end of the corridor Sirius pointed his wand at Roger and slashed it down. A second later Roger was lying in a heap on the floor. Sirius pulled me along again, going up a flight of stairs, and turned into an empty classroom a little ways along the next floor up.

"You okay, love?" He asked softly turning towards me. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"I'll be fine," I said shaking my head, rubbing my sore wrists. "Nothing that I can't handle."

"What a bastard," He said in a harsher tone. "I swear he's going to get it a lot worse if he tries anything else."

"How did you know where I was?" I asked looking up at him.

"Oh, uh, Zoey told me," He said quickly. "But that doesn't matter- all that matters is that you're alright." He added.

"Well, thank you," I said smiling at him. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't shown up."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for; you're mine and no guy- especially that cheating blighter- is going to hurt you and get away with it," He replied pulling me into tight embrace. "What did he say to you?"

"Oh just that you're going to cheat on me and that he and I belonged together," I said flippantly. "Just a load of rubbish."

"He told you that I was going cheat?" He asked pulling away slightly. "Bloody hypocrite…he's one to talk!" He added and I laughed at him. "What?"

"You know, you're so cute when you get all worked up like this," I said still giggling.

"Yes, well, I'm glad you're enjoying it," He replied smirking at me. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I said smiling at him. "We should get going or we'll be late for Transfiguration." I added starting to pull out of embrace.

"Love, Transfiguration's half way over," He said with a little chuckle. "The bell rang ages ago."

"Really?" I asked and he nodded.

"Do you want to go for a walk? Clear your head a bit?" He asked still looking a little worried about me.

"That'd be great," I replied, smiling gratefully at him.

We walked through the castle and out the front doors. As we made our way down to the lake a comfortable silence fell between us. I didn't know what Sirius was thinking about, but I was thinking about things that had happened over the past few months. If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that I'd be dating the oh-so-great, god among men Sirius Black, I would have laughed myself silly. _Pretending to date_, I corrected myself, with a little frown. Every so often I found myself completely forgetting about the plan and just enjoying what I had with Sirius. Of course, about two minutes later I would mentally slap and chide myself for even letting the thought cross my mind.

Truth be told, however, I knew that I had come to like Sirius, if even just a little bit. Ever since we had called the truce way back in November he had constantly surprised me. He wasn't exactly the arrogant blighter he wanted people to think he was. It was like he put up a front for the school and then for his friends he was simply him. And, as much as I hated to admit it, I found myself liking him as he was more and more.

But I wouldn't let myself fall for him. That was mistake I couldn't afford to make. If I did that then I was not only ruining my ultimate plan for revenge, I was also no better than the girls who fawned all over him. I promised myself a long time ago I would never become one of those girls and I wasn't about to break it- not for anyone. _Besides_, I reminded myself, _there's also the little problem that I don't believe in love_.

"So, I got you something," Sirius said all of a sudden, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Like a present?" I asked frowning slightly.

"Well, yeah," He said nodding. "I saw it in some catalogue that James was flipping through and I thought it would suit you perfectly."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, really," He said with a slight nod. "Do you remember when we were younger how you were, like, obsessed with frogs?"

"Er, slightly," I replied confused as to why that was relevant.

"Well, I saw this in catalogue and I'm hoping you still like frogs or else I'm going to look like a complete arse," He said with a nervous little laugh.

"You didn't…_buy_ me a frog, did you?" I asked half alarmed, half disbelieving.

"No, no, nothing like that!" He exclaimed as though that were crazy. "Alright, look, I've been saving it for a special occasion. Valentine's Day doesn't count...bloody excuse for girls to get flowers and chocolate and Merlin knows what else."

"I couldn't agree with you more." I interjected with a smirk.

"I'm glad. Anyway, I was waiting for just some random Thursday or something," He continued running a hand through his hair. "But I guess today's as good a day as any. So, here, open it." He added pulling a small, expensive looking box out of his pocket.

I took it from him, eyeing the box with curiosity. I opened it and my breath caught in my throat. Inside, on a delicate silver chain, was a minute, elaborately made silver frog on a lily pad. I stared at it, transfixed by how intricate it was, speechless for a moment.

"So, am I a complete arse?" He asked tentatively after a minute.

"Sirius, this is," I began but stopped when I couldn't find the right words. "Indescribable. Totally and utterly indescribable."

"I'll take that to mean you like it," He said smiling. I smiled back, but closed the box.

"I can't accept this from you," I said slowly, pressing the box into his hands.

"What?"

"It's just not right. I mean, this must have cost a fortune," I said and he looked at me as if to say 'so what'. "And while I appreciate it immensely and am very flattered, I can't take it while knowing that you need that money more than I need a new necklace."

"Addi, I got this for _you_," He said still looking confused. "It's a _gift_…you know, one of those things that people sometimes give to other people they care about? Who cares if I spent a little gold on it? You're worth it."

"Sirius," I sighed looking out at the lake, trying to ignore the annoying twinge of guilt I felt. "You said you wanted to move out of the Potters this summer, right? You're never going to be able to afford it if you're buying me things like this! Honestly, I'd much rather see you happy."

"But, I have enough money to get a flat of my own," He said with a slight frown. "I must've forgotten to tell you…my great Uncle Alphard died about a month ago and, well, he left me a pretty good chunk of money. So, I've got plenty to at least get started. I guess this necklace was sort of a celebratory thing as well as a nice surprise for you."

"You're sure?" I asked looking at him.

"Yes, love, I'm sure," He replied nodding. "So, please, take the necklace because I'm not returning it."

"Alright, alright, if you insist," I said smiling.

"Fabulous," He said returning the smile. He took the necklace from the case and fastened it around my neck. "There, it looks perfect."

We stayed outside for the rest of the afternoon, just strolling around the lake and talking. I'd never, in my seven years at Hogwarts, skived off a class- even if I had been sick. But I was finding that not having to worry about class a welcome relief.

That night Sirius and I were laying together on one of the couches by the fire. We were the only ones left in the Common Room and the fire was slowly starting to die. I thought about how nice it was to just to have someone to hold me- and then I immediately started thinking of ways to pick a fight with Sirius because I was so disgusted with myself.

"So, I was thinking that since this Sunday is our two month anniversary…maybe we could do something special?" I said looking up at him.

"This Sunday?" He asked and I nodded. "Can't, it's boys night. We do it every month."

"You can't skip it just this once?" I asked a whiny edge to my voice.

"Sorry, love, I can't," He said apologetically. "What about Saturday night or the Sunday after that?"

"That kind of defeats the whole purpose, doesn't it?" I asked crossing my arms across my chest and sitting up. "I mean, it just won't be the same."

"I'm sorry, Addi, but this is something I've been planning with the guys for weeks now." He said somewhat exasperated.

"Really? And just what are you doing?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I…can't tell you the details- it's confidential." He said not looking at me.

"What are you hiding from me?" I asked suspiciously. "There's something you're not telling me."

"No there isn't," He said automatically, but I could see in the flicker of his eyes that he was lying.

"Yes, there is," I said standing angrily. "I can see it in your eyes!"

"Look, Addi, I just can't tell you, alright- it's a Marauder's code of confidentiality," He said as if that made everything alright. "I mean, we don't tell anyone what we do, that's just the way it is."

"I see," I said coolly.

"Don't be like this!" He exclaimed getting to his feet too. I could see his patience and his temper wearing thin and I suppressed a satisfied smile. "You're being ridiculous! Honestly, doing it on another night isn't that big of a deal and besides, it's only our two month."

"Sirius, I don't think in the time that we've dated I've asked you to do a whole lot of this special occasion thing," I said keeping my voice even. "I don't think I've been a too time consuming or clingy girlfriend, do you?"

"No, of course-"

"And you're not even willing to maybe change your boy's night in or whatever it is to a different day just this once?" I asked my eyes never leaving his.

"It's not exactly something we can change to another night," He muttered darkly.

"What? And why not?" I snapped and he looked up at me. I could see that he didn't mean for me to hear that and that he was doing some very fast thinking.

"Well, because, when we set the date it's set in stone." He replied simply and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, you go do your boy's night," I said acidly. "And I hope you enjoy it because I'm not talking to you!"

And with that I turned on my heel and stormed from the Common Room. Only when I was at the door of my dorm did I drop the act. I let myself in and, after putting a silencing charm on my bed, broke into a hysterical fit of giggles. This had worked out better than I could've planned it. I knew I was being immature and difficult- that was precisely what I was going for. Now he was pissed at me and he thought I was pissed at him and on top of that I was becoming the bipolar girlfriend that Zoey and I had wanted. I laughed myself silly before sobering up and thinking about his reasoning for not complying with my wishes.

What the bloody hell could he and those guys be doing that they couldn't change to another night? And Sirius said they did this every month so why couldn't they be more flexible? It just didn't make any sense. He was hiding something from me- something big, I just knew it. And it either had be something to do with all the Marauders or something that was just him. If it was something to do with all four of them, well it could be anything. They got into so much trouble all the time that it might be impossible to tell what they were up to.

Then I entertained the thought that he might be cheating on me. It made sense as to why he was so shifty. But then wouldn't he have just canceled on the whore to save face in front of me? The more I thought about this, the more likely a possibility it seemed. I knew he had cheated once or twice before on his girlfriends, but that had been in fourth year. Of course, I could hear Roger's voice in my head telling me that this was exactly what was going to happen.

It drove me crazy not to know for sure what he was keeping from me, but I knew there was only one way to find out. On Sunday night I was going to tail him and see where he went.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: okay, so I have got to be the worst updater in the world! and I apologize a million times over for that, but anyways, here's chapter 8! and it's going to start to get better as Addi realizes she's coming to a crossroads...oh and I wonder what she'll find when she follows Sirius? hm... anyways, please review you guys always make my day:p**

**p.s.- ONLY 3 DAYS LEFT UNTIL DEATHLY HALLOWS- I AM SOOO STOKED:p  
**


	9. A Well Kept Secret

Ch. 9- A Well Kept Secret

_Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.  
Maybe he won't find out what I know:  
you were the last good thing about this part of town._

_Grand Theft Autumn (Where Is Your Boy)- Fallout Boy_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I had told Zoey about the fight, but I hadn't told her that I was going to follow them. She seemed to be indifferent to the whole thing. I couldn't understand why, but pushed it to the back of my mind to worry about later. Sunday night rolled around and I was in the Common Room, waiting in the shadows of a corner for the boys to emerge from their dorm. I knew they wouldn't be staying up there- not when they would have a perfect opportunity to cause chaos and mayhem.

And sure enough, around eleven, they came creeping down the stairs. As they walked across the Common Room something seemed off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it…one of them was missing! Remus wasn't with them. This confused me because Sirius had said that all of them were having 'boy's night'. I frowned, but kept my eyes glued on the three remaining Marauders. Then, without warning, they vanished. I knew they couldn't apparate, so how…

The portrait of the Fat Lady swung forward on its own accord and then it clicked- one of them had an invisibility cloak. I followed them out of the portrait hole and along the hallway. It was hard trying to keep up because I knew they were trying to keep quiet and I was afraid that I would walk right into one of them. Every once in a while they would shuffle a little too loudly or shush one another. From the way they were going, it seemed like they were going out to the grounds.

On the second floor, just before the marble staircase I got separated from the boys. Peeves was coming along the corridor, humming crudely to himself, and I had to duck inside a classroom. I cursed under my breath, hoping that he would pass quickly so I wouldn't get too far behind the boys. But I had no luck- Peeves had decided that he wanted to deface the suits of armor and so I was stuck.

Finally, after what had to have been half an hour, Peeves swooped away, cackling madly. I slipped out of the classroom and continued until I came to the front doors. They were unlocked, so I knew the Marauders had come this way, but I had no idea what they were doing out there. I opened the doors a creak and stepped outside. I made my way down the stone steps, breathing in the cold night air. I started to walk across the moonlit grounds, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of them.

And then, when I was coming upon the forest, something caught my eye- there were three figures prowling towards it. Two of the figures were huge and on either side of the other figure, as though escorting it. I watched them, curious about their behavior; they seemed almost human. I walked towards them, completely forgetting Sirius for a minute. The closer I got the more I could make them out- there was a beautiful stag, a black bear-like dog, and in between them…a wolf.

I stopped in my tracks, still a safe distance away, staring at the wolf, who had turned towards me. I saw that it wasn't just a wolf- it was a werewolf. He moved so suddenly that the other two didn't have time to react. He broke away from them and started at me, gathering speed. For a second all I could do was watch and then my brain kicked in. I turned and ran as fast I could, adrenaline pumping furiously through my body. I could hear the wolf behind me, getting closer and closer. My legs were starting to cramp up and my breathing was ragged and shallow- I didn't think I could keep up much longer.

Then, out of nowhere, something bowled me over and out of the path of the wolf. The wind was knocked out of me as I landed on my back. I looked up, trying to catch my breath, and saw the stag battling with the wolf. The stag bucked the wolf in the face; with a terrible howl of pain, the wolf took after the stag, back into the forest. That meant the dog had knocked me out of the way. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes.

Then I felt something clamp onto my robes and drag me backwards, away from the forest. It didn't let go until we were half way back to the castle. I stood up, heart still racing, and took a couple of deep breaths. When I turned back to the dog, though, I found Sirius standing there…and he was _livid_.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked furiously.

"Where did you come from?" I asked confused. "There was dog, Sirius, and he-"

"Addi, I'm not going to ask you again- what are you doing out here?" He cut me off, stepping closer. I looked into his eyes and saw the raw rage and anger. "You could have been bitten- or worse, killed!"

"I didn't know there was a werewolf out here. I was following…you," I finished weakly as he glared at me.

"You need to think before you just come out on the grounds and decide to wander into the forest!" He exclaimed as though he were talked to a child. "You can't just go in there by yourself- it's dangerous!"

"Well, what about you?" I countered, incensed. "I know that you guys come out here all the time. Hell, you probably knew that the wolf was out here! How can you tell me not to come out here when you're out here yourself! Where are James and Peter?"

"That doesn't matter- it's different for us," He said waving it off. "We know how to handle ourselves. But Addi, you don't."

"Answer my question, Sirius. Where are James and Peter? I know they came out with you." I said standing my ground. "In fact, where's Remus? I didn't see him at all."

"Addi, don't worry about it- just go back inside and stay there!" He said pushing me towards the castle. I was on the verge of turning and going back when something clicked into place.

"Sirius, where did that dog go?" I asked crossing my arms. "And where did you come from?"

"Addi-"

"You were that dog, weren't you?" I said and he didn't say anything. "How long?"

"Addi," He started, but I cut him off.

"How long, Sirius?"

"Two years," He sighed looking away from me.

"Why?" I asked still confused.

"To help a friend," He said simply. I was about to retort, when I stopped to think about it for a second. Remus did disappear a lot and he hadn't been with the guys tonight, so that must've meant-

"Remus is the wolf, isn't he?" I asked quietly, but I didn't need Sirius to tell me. "Is that why he and Zoey…"

"Yes, Remus couldn't bring himself to go out with her unless she knew the whole truth," Sirius said sharply. "She didn't exactly take it too well, but she came around eventually. At least she kept her promise- she didn't tell anyone, even you. I was kind of worried she would."

"But how did you guys become animagi?" I pressed on, still trying to wrap my mind around what I was hearing.

"Well, it wasn't easy, let me tell ya, but it took us about three years. We found out about Remus second year and worked our bloody arses off until we got it." Sirius said. "But that's not the point here. The point is that you are completely insane! Why were you following us?" The anger had returned to his voice.

"Look, you wouldn't tell me what you were doing. You couldn't give me an explanation," I replied with a slight shrug. "Sirius, you could have told me the truth, I would have understood. I wouldn't have told anyone, if that's what you're worried about. I thought we trusted each other."

"I do trust you, Addi, it's just that it wasn't my secret to tell," He said shaking his head as though he couldn't believe me. "Just do me a favor right now- go back to the castle, back to the tower, and stay there. We'll talk about this tomorrow. I have to get back."

"Wait, you're staying out here?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, I can't leave James and Peter to keep Remus in check by themselves. Peter's a rat, so he's not much help if Remus starts to act up." Sirius said nodding. "Go back to the castle, Addi."

Then, without waiting for an answer he turned, and transforming, ran back to the forest. I stood there, the cold night air ripping at my clothes, staring after him. I don't know how long I stood there, but it felt like forever.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Addi! Where have you been? You never came up last night," Zoey exclaimed when I walked into the Great Hall the next morning. "Merlin, you look _awful_."

I plopped into the seat next to her and poured myself some pumpkin juice. I hadn't gone back to the castle, like Sirius told me to. Instead, I sat under the beech tree, staring out at the lake and listening to Remus howl until the sky began to lighten. I thought about everything I had found out and what it meant. I fell asleep for a couple of hours before I got up and made my way to breakfast. I knew I looked worse for the wear and I felt disgusting. My robes were ripped in several places, my hair had dirt and leaves and Merlin knows what else in it, and I'm pretty sure I smelled like dog slobber and murky water.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically, my mouth dry and my voice cracking slightly. "I was outside last night, if you must know."

"Why were you outside?" She asked her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I followed Sirius to see what he was really up to," I said with a shrug. "And well, at least I know he's not cheating." I added bitterly.

"Oh Merlin, last night was full moon, wasn't it?" She asked and I nodded dully. "Addi, are you insane?"

"Don't you start, I've already had a row about it with Sirius and I'm sure he'll start another one as soon as he gets down here." I said sharply, glaring at her. "I sort of was chased by Remus and Sirius, well, saved me. Then he started yelling at me about how stupid I am and how I could've been killed."

"He's got a point," She said and I looked at her. "What? He does; you can't just wander around the grounds at night, it's not safe."

"I told you not to start," I said firmly and she fell silent. "Listen, I'm going to go get a shower and clean up. I'll probably miss History of Magic, but it's not like that will be a waste or anything."

"Alright, so I'll see you in Charms, then," She said and I nodded.

I made my way to the Entrance Hall, aware of people staring at me. I didn't spare any of them a glance, though. I was too exhausted to put up any effort. I was anxious that I would meet Sirius on the way back up, but I didn't bump into him until I climbed through the portrait hole. He was sitting on one of the couches, obviously waiting for me.

"Addi! Where were you?" He asked looking confused that I hadn't come down from the dorms. "Lily said you weren't up yet."

"No, I never came back up," I said off-handedly, knowing he would get mad. But I didn't really care.

"Why not? I thought I told you-"

"You don't control me," I snapped, cutting him off. "I wasn't going to come back up just because you told me to."

"It was for your own protection!" He exclaimed temper flaring up. "Addi, in case you took one to the head, let me remind you that you were almost a snack for Remus last night," He added in a furious whisper.

"I can handle myself," I said, although we both knew that wasn't entirely true. "Besides, I made sure to stay away from the forest. I sat under the beech tree by the lake."

"How could you be so reckless?" He asked angrily. "I know I may be reckless at times, but at least I know the difference between harmless and dangerous recklessness. You don't seem to distinguish between the two."

"You think I don't know that? Yes, last night I was reckless, but you have no right to lecture me about it. You guys are always doing things that could get you killed!" I yelled at him, letting loose all of my anger. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me that I don't know the difference. I know it more than you could ever imagine! Recklessness is what killed my brother…I watched him destroy his life by making reckless decisions! Joining Voldemort and killing muggles just for sport. I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works," I added trying to keep the flood of tears from spilling down my cheeks.

"Addi, keep you voice down," He hissed, glancing around at the few second years watching us curiously. "Bugger off- there's nothing to see here," He barked at them and they sped up immediately.

"Look, maybe we should take a break and cool down for couple of days." I said trying to compose myself.

"You're breaking up with me?" He asked quickly, looking at me uncertainly.

"I dunno…I just need some time to work through all of this." I said shaking my head. And with that I turned my back on him and went up to the dorm.

I took a long shower, washing away everything that had happened. I just stood there, letting the water flow over me. After what seemed like ages, I stepped out and got dressed. I checked the clock and saw that I had just enough time to make it to Charms.

"Feel better?" Zoey asked as I sat down next to her.

"Not really, but I'll get over it," I replied with a shrug.

I glanced over at Sirius, who was listening intently to something that James was saying. I sighed and turned back around as Flitwick began the lesson. I didn't really pay attention; I was too preoccupied with this whole ordeal. I didn't have a problem with Remus being a werewolf, I really didn't. It had more to do with the fact that Sirius had kept it from me. And while I understood why he did, there was still that stabbing disappointment and hurt. And I couldn't understand why it was there. I had never felt like this before. Not when my parents had openly talked about me like I wasn't there, not when my brother stopped being my brother, and not even when Roger had cheated. So why was Sirius so different? What made him so special?

And it was at that moment, right in the middle Charms, that it hit me. The one thing that would be the undoing of everything I had worked so hard to achieve had happened.

I had fallen in love with Sirius Black.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I didn't talk to Sirius for the rest of the week. Part of me was just too embarrassed, but another part- the bigger part- just didn't know how to approach him or what to say. He refused to look at me any more than necessary and it killed me. I hadn't talked to Zoey about any of what I was feeling- I couldn't. This new found revelation that I was in love with Sirius would ruin the entire plan and I couldn't let that happened. I had vowed to go through with it and by Merlin I would. But first I had to make up with Sirius.

"Hey there," I said softly finding him in the Astronomy tower on Saturday night.

"How did you find me?" He asked not even sparing me a glance. I took a few steps towards him, so that we were about ten feet apart.

"Looked everywhere else," I replied shrugging. "I need to talk to you."

"Addi, if it's about Remus I understand if you can't accept that he's a werewolf," He interrupted, now turning to look at me. "But I won't let you stop me from helping him. I'd hate to have to choose, but if you're going to make me, I'll tell you right now I'll pick Remus over you." He added and I stood there slacked mouthed.

"You really think that I would give you that ultimatum?" I asked finally. "I would never make you pick between me and one your mates- especially one your best mates. Honestly, Sirius, you should give me a little more credit than that." I added, offended that he would even think that I could be _that_ unforgiving.

"Look, I'm sorry, but you haven't said a word to me all week since our row on Monday morning and I guess I just took that to mean the worst," He said with a sigh.

"I wanted to tell you that I don't care if Remus is a werewolf or that you're an animagus," I said defensively. "All that matters is that I care about you. But since you obviously think that I would be so cold-hearted as to make you choose, maybe I was wrong about us."

"Stop being so dramatic," He snapped impatiently. I opened my mouth to retort, realized he was right, and promptly shut it again.

"Fine." I said shortly. "So where does this leave us?"

"I dunno, Addi, I really dunno." He said shaking his head and he turned back to the balcony. "This fight has made me think a lot about us."

"Me too." I said quietly, not moving from my spot. "It's put a lot of things into perspective for me and made me realize quite a few things that I've been trying to ignore for while."

"Like what?" He asked with a dry laugh. "That you should break up with me because I kept things from you. Now you can add me to the list of bastards that have taught you that love isn't real, right?" He added bitterly. I knew I deserved it, but it still hurt.

"Actually, what I realized was," I paused wondering briefly if I should even tell him, "I love you." I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Excuse me?" He said turning around sharply.

"I l-love you," I repeated, stuttering slightly.

"You do?"

"Yes, I really do," I said nodding. He stood there staring at me, mouth open slightly in surprise. "Well, that's all, I suppose. So, I'll just be going now," I said breaking the tense silence that had settled between us. I turned and was halfway back to the door when I heard his voice behind me.

"I love you, too."

I stopped, still facing the doors. I didn't want to turn around, in case I had just imagined it. For a minute it seemed as if time was standing still.

"Addi? Are you okay?" Sirius asked softly, his voice closer than it had been just a minute ago. I turned and found myself face to face with him, my breath catching in my chest.

"I-I'm fine," I said breathlessly, clearing my throat. "Is that, er, all?" I asked breaking eye contact and taking a step back. For some reason I was feeling extremely self-conscious and awkward- two things I never felt. _Especially around Sirius_, I thought.

"I guess so," He said his face melting into confusion. I sighed, nodded, and turned back around. I hadn't gone more than five steps when I was spun back around and face to face with him again. "Scratch that, no it's not."

"It's not?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, at least I hope not." He said softly and I could feel his warm breath on my face. "This has been the worst week of my life, to tell you the truth. With you not talking to me and having to keep it from Remus the real reason we've been fighting has been exhausting."

"You didn't tell him what happened?" I asked looking up at him. "Why not?"

"You kidding? He'd probably kill himself from the guilt," Sirius said shaking his head. "That's always been his worst fear, attacking someone. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that."

"I understand," I said smiling sadly. "So where does all of this leave us? Are we still together or are we taking a break or…" I trailed off, and he looked at me thoughtfully for a minute.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Addi, this relationship hasn't been easy- we fight about everything constantly, we're both stubborn and short tempered, and quite frankly I don't think that makes a brilliant combination," He said finally and I let my head drop; I should have known that I had pushed him too far this time. "But, I also think that you are the best thing that has happened to me. I've never felt this way about anyone else, I really haven't. I'd rather spend my time fighting with you than snogging all the girls in Hogwarts put together." He added, tilting my chin up so that I had to look at him.

I didn't say anything- I didn't need to. Sirius ducked his head and brushed my lips softly with his before wrapping me in a tight embrace. As I stood there, encased in his arms, I considered telling him about the plan. The words were on my lips, ready to come out, but for some reason I couldn't form them. While part of me wanted nothing more than to confess everything and stop this charade so that I could have a _real_ relationship with him, another part of me still wanted to taste that sweet revenge. That part of me was growling with fury at the very thought of turning back now and that was the part of me that was dictating my actions. It was whispering in my ear the instructions I needed to keep going with the plan and going soft now was not an option. If I quit now then everything I'd been working towards with Zoey would be a complete and utter waste.

I was a torn soul, having to choose between what my mind told me I had to do and what my heart wanted to do. I had fallen into the very trap I'd sworn not to and now it was too late- I was in way over my head.

So I did the only thing I could: hugged Sirius back and told myself to get a grip. The only way to win was to separate my heart from my revenge…and to crush the only chance I might have to be proven wrong about love.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: so there you are- she knows about Remus' furry little problem now...oh, and for those of you who have been reading Bloody Brilliant- I swear that I haven't given up on that story, I've just been taking a little break. Partly to finish this story up and partly because I wasn't sure if I liked it the way it was, but I PROMISE that I will be working on that one soon!! anyways, there's a button at the bottom that says "review" and it would be so lovely of you all if you did:p**


	10. All Hail the Heartbreaker

Ch. 10- All Hail the Heartbreaker

_I heard it through the grapevine  
Not much longer would you be mine.  
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,  
Oh and I'm just about to lose my mind.  
Honey, honey yeah._

_I Heard It Through the Grapevine- Marvin Gaye_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sirius and I were better than ever after we talked everything out. I didn't pick any fights mostly because I didn't want to. I was happy with how things were and sometimes I almost forgot about the plan. But it was always there, nagging at the back of my mind and leaving me with a perpetual feeling of guilt. I tried to push it away, but it just wouldn't leave me alone.

"Hey, Addi, are you okay?" I looked up to Lily Evans standing there. "It's just, you look stressed out about more than tests."

"Yeah, well, I'm having some personal issues with myself," I said wondering if I should tell her about the plan and get some advice or just keep quiet about it. I chose the latter. "There's some things that I need to sort out and it's just harder than I thought it would be."

"Oh, I see," She said with a slight nod. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No, I think this is something I need to get through by myself. But thanks," I said smiling at her.

"Yeah, no problem," She replied smiling back. "And my offer stands if you decide you need help." With that she went up to the dorm.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So, love, are you going back home after school?" Sirius asked out of the blue one day in April as we were in the library studying for our N.E.W.T.s- well _I_ was studying, he was messing around.

"Er, well, yeah I was planning to until I find a flat of my own," I replied looking up at him. "Why?"

"Well, I was thinking- I've found a flat in London that I'm going to buy and I guess if you wanted to get out from under your parents you could…move in with me?" He said fiddling with the quill in his hands.

"You're serious?" I asked and before he could say it: "Yes, yes, I know you're _Sirius_." I said rolling my eyes as he smiled broadly.

"Yes, I am- on both accounts," He said and I smiled at him.

"That sounds fantastic." I said. "Really, I'd love to get away from my family. And I can just imagine the look on their faces when I tell them."

"Yeah, but at least I'm semi-acceptable, right?" He asked and I frowned at him. "You know, I'm pure blood, good looking, and incredibly smart. Your parents couldn't ask for a better suitor, now could they?" He explained and I rolled my eyes.

"And you're oh-so modest, too. Actually, my parents will probably be even more furious that I'm with you," I said smirking. "You see, after you got disowned your worth was immediately shot."

"That makes sense, I mean, a disowned pureblood is as a bad as a blood traitor, right?" He said bitterly. "Oh well, screw 'em all, that's what I say!" He added loudly and Madame Pince glared at us.

"Hear, hear," I said mock joyfully in a low voice. "Now, shut up so I can study." I added.

"Wait, you actually _study_?" He asked and I threw him a look.

"Yes, for those of us not blessed to be geniuses like you we have to study to pass." I replied sarcastically. "Now go!"

"You're no fun," He said sulkily, getting up and leaving the library. I shook my head, smiling to myself.

I had been studying for about an hour and half when Zoey joined me. I marked my place and looked up at her. She had this sort of troubled look on her face, as though she were trying to make a decision about something.

"Addi, I need to talk to you," She said. "But not here, it's too open- let's go to the back."

"Alright," I said confused.

I followed her through shelves and shelves of books until we ended up in the back of the library, between the History of Magic and Muggle Studies sections. The only time anybody ever came back here for books was when they had assignments due, otherwise it was used for secret meetings or snogging couples. I looked at Zoey expectantly, but she seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

"Addi, I think it's time to execute the last phase of the plan," She said looking at me.

"Why? We've got plenty of time," I said, wondering why this was the big deal. "What's the hurry?"

"Well, it's nearly the end of April and it won't make much of an impact if we wait much longer." She said slowly. "And besides Sirius is totally in love with you, now would be the perfect time to crush him."

"I suppose," I said thoughtfully. As much I wanted this whole charade to just be over, I didn't want it to be at Sirius' expense. I would die before admitting it to her, though.

"C'mon, Addi, this is what we've worked up to. It's finally time for all of it to pay off." She said almost pleadingly.

"Yeah," I said absentmindedly.

"Wait- you…you fell for him didn't you?" She asked and I looked up at her. "Oh Merlin, Addi!"

"Hang on just a second," I said defensively. "I did not fall for him- that's impossible. I don't believe in love, so how I could I?" I asked crossing my arms.

"He charmed you just like he charmed every other girl." She said in disbelief.

"He did not!" I said firmly.

My mind was working fast- if I admitted that I had, in fact, fallen for Sirius then Zoey would be pissed at me and there was no guarantee that Sirius would understand either. If I followed through with the plan I would at least have one less person mad at me. I sighed; all hell was about to break loose and I had no idea how to get out of this without hurting Sirius.

"Listen, I'll do it tomorrow," I said and she looked up at me. "At breakfast we'll crush him."

"Alright," She said nodding. "Merlin, you had me scared there for a second, Addi," She added with a laugh.

"Yeah," I said smiling.

I didn't see Sirius for the rest of the day and I was thankful for that. I was avoiding him because I didn't think I could trust myself around him. I knew I couldn't let Zoey down and in a way if I didn't go through with it I'd be letting myself down too. But it didn't change the fact that tomorrow I was not only going to break Sirius' heart, I'd be breaking mine too. I hated myself already for planning this and I could only imagine what I'd feel like afterwards. But, I made a promise and damn it I was going to keep it.

And as much as I wanted to use that excuse, I knew I couldn't. I could have gone back on my word, but I wasn't going to. It was something I could hide behind. If I got down to the core of the problem it wasn't that I had to go through with plan- it was that I was scared of love. I was completely scared that if I didn't hurt Sirius first he would hurt me. In the rational part of my mind I knew that it was completely ridiculous to think that way, but I did. My experiences contradicted the rational and so that was what I had to go on. I was terrified of letting another person in close enough to hurt me like that and I had let Sirius in too far. It was time to put a stop to everything.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Okay, so you know what you're going to say?" Zoey asked that night before we went to bed.

"Sort of," I said shrugging. "I thought I'd start by telling him that it just isn't working out for me- he's kept too many secrets and I just don't think he's the one for me. Maybe throw in that he isn't my type."

"You know, I think it would be brilliant if you exposed the plan." She said thoughtfully.

"What?"

"You know, stand up and tell him it's all been a charade. That would show the school that Sirius Black has finally fallen from his throne of using girls. He fell for a complete phony!" She said gleefully.

"Alright, I suppose that could work." I said nodding. "But you know we should probably get some sleep."

"Yeah, tomorrow's a big day!" She agreed smiling.

I went to bed that night restless and antsy. I had this weird feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong, but I didn't know how he could know anything about the plan. I tossed and turned, dreading morning, which seemed to come faster than normal. I woke up with a headache and no will to move, but Zoey, who had slept just fine, drew back my curtains and let the sun and the chirping birds fill my bed. The weather seemed to be mocking me and I wasn't in the mood for it. I scowled into my pillow, pulling my covers over my head.

"C'mon, Addi, the sun is shining, it's a _glorious_ morning!" Zoey practically sang, shoving the covers off my bed.

"Alright, alright, I'm up," I grumbled sitting up.

"Good, go get ready- we have things to do!" She said glancing around at the other girls in the dorm. There were only two of them- Lily had already gone down to breakfast.

I took a quick shower and got ready. I picked up my school bag and met Zoey in the Common Room. She was excited and bouncing on the balls of her feet. I forced a smile and we headed out of the portrait hole. With each step my feet felt more and more like lead and soon it seemed to take all of my strength just to move forward. More than anything I wanted to turn around and run away…forget the past few months and go back to hating Sirius. But I knew I couldn't and that fact was what kept pushing me forward.

"Hey, look, there he is," She said nudging me. I looked up to see Sirius standing outside the doors to the Great Hall. "Wonder why he's waiting out here for you," She added frowning slightly.

"Hey, Addi, can I talk to you?" He asked and without waiting for a reply grabbed me by the arm, glared at Zoey, and pulled me a little ways away. Zoey took the hint and ducked into the Great Hall.

"Okay, what?" I asked breaking free of his strong grip.

"You've been messing with me," He accused anger lighting up his intense grey eyes. "You've just been playing with my emotions this whole time, haven't you?"

"Sirius, I-"

"Just tell me the bloody truth!" He shouted and I winced. His eyes were pleading for me to tell him it wasn't true and I couldn't lie, not now.

"I have," I said holding my head up high. Better to act an ice queen than show weakness. "The entire time, it's just been a sham."

"Why?" He asked in disbelief. "Just for your own sick amusement?"

"Look, I was trying to get back at Roger and you," I said shaking my head. "Zoey and I came up with this plan just after he broke up with me. I was to catch your eye, become your dream girl and all of that, and date you so that Roger would be jealous. And then, after a certain time I was to break up with you in front of everyone and humiliate you to show everyone who had the upper hand. How did you find out?"

"Lily overheard you yesterday in the library and she told me." He said with a shrug. "So, you've been pretending to be someone you're not to get revenge on an old boyfriend and me?" He added and I nodded. "I don't understand how I factor into this."

"We needed someone that I could make fall for me that I didn't feel guilty about hurting. And, well, you and I weren't exactly on the best terms then and you used girls all the time and that made you the perfect candidate." I explained with a sigh. "Think about it, dating the god of the school and taking him down- I'd be a legend. But it didn't exactly work out the way it should have."

"Well, brilliant," He said slowly nodding and I thought that he was taking this rather well. Then, "How the bloody hell could you do this?" He yelled.

"Sirius, let me-" I started but he cut me off again.

"Let you what? Let you explain? Oh, don't worry, I get it, I understand. You are a cold-hearted bitch who just likes to mess with people! I can't believe that I actually thought what we had was real," He said with a hollow laugh. "What a joke! I bet you and Zoey just laughed it up, huh? None of it was true- everything you told me…ha! I bet you had fun coming up with those sob stories to tell me."

I didn't say anything; I knew I was getting what I deserved. And as much as I wanted to throw myself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness I knew that I needed to cut him free. I couldn't leave any shadow of doubt in his mind- he deserved to find someone worthy of his love. Besides, he wouldn't listen to what I had to say, he hated me now. So, I changed my tactics and with a final breath and silent curse I faced him.

"You're right," I said drawing myself up to my full height, which was still a head shorter than him. "None of it was real, I was just pretending the entire time. And you know what, Sirius? It worked. Our plan worked- you fell for me. And now it's over."

"That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"You know what, I was wrong about you- you're not just a bitch and a heartless one at that." He said a calm fury in his words. "You're a heartbreaker and that's all you'll ever be. You wouldn't know how to love if someone was ever stupid enough to try and teach you." And with that he turned on his heel and walked away. Funny, I thought that it would be me walking away from him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N:** And there it is- he knows about almost everything now...let me know what you thought- love it, hate it- constructive criticism is always welcome and flamers make me laugh. ;p


	11. Misery Loves It's Company

Ch. 11- Misery Loves Its Company

_They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone, _

_but for what we've become we just feel more alone. _

_Always weigh what I've got against what I left. _

_So progress report: I am missing you to death_

_I Slept With Someone From Fallout Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song About Me- Fallout Boy_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The last month and a half of school was torture for me. While I put on a smile for Zoey and the rest of the school, inside I was a wreck. Only at night, in the Common Room, after I was sure no one was there did I let myself bring my emotions to the surface. Losing Sirius had affected me more than I thought possible and it had caused everyone on his side to stop talking to me- James, Remus, and Peter glared at me every chance they got and Lily would huff her way pass me in the dorm. I took it all knowing that I deserved worse than I was getting.

Sirius was the worst though. He wouldn't even look at me- it was as if I'd never existed to him. Of course, he didn't know that it was killing me to see him go through girls again or openly talk about me in a loud voice like I wasn't there in the Common Room. But I refused to cry or show any sort such weakness. I knew I'd done what was right in my head, I only wished I could get my heart to accept it.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Alright, class, today we shall review all those spells that could and will come up on you N.E.W.T. tests." McGonagall said. I sighed and stood up with the rest of the class- this would be interesting seeing as James and I weren't speaking and both had mastered nonverbal spells the previous year.

After about ten minutes of going back and forth he broke the silence by laughing at me as I messed up one of the more recent spells we'd learned. In response I shot him a look- I was not in the mood for any sort of mocking. I tried again and again, but I simply couldn't get the spell to work. Every time I tried to transfigure the kitten between us into a bird nothing happened; I was saying the incantation right and doing all the right wand movements, so what could…

"James, you prat!" I hissed at him, trying my best to remain calm. "Stop casting the bloody counter spell!"

"And why should I?" He asked coldly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Look, I understand that Sirius is like your brother and that you two are closer than anyone in this school, but that doesn't mean you have to mess me up in class- if I don't get this down I'll never pass my N.E.W.T.s and then I'll never get a job." I said stepping closer to him, clipping my words. "So, you know, do whatever you want to me outside of lessons, but here just let me get this done- I hate this bloody class and you know it!" I finished loudly and realized that the whole class was watching the pair of us. I hadn't realized that my voice had risen to a shout.

"Miss Pogue, is there a problem?" McGonagall asked her brows knitting together in a disapproving line.

"No, Professor," I said giving James one last glare.

As soon as the bell rang I dashed out of class. It was lunch, but I didn't have much of an appetite, so I walked pass the Great Hall and out onto the grounds. I made my way down to the lake and plopped down on the shore. I looked up at the cliff that I'd fallen off of- the cliff that Sirius had jumped off of to save me…_Stop it_, I chided myself.

"I wasn't done talking to you," I heard James' voice say behind me. I closed my eyes, counted to ten, and then opened them again.

"Look, James, you have no idea what really went on so just go the fuck away," I said not looking at him. "It's really none of your business to begin with, so leave me alone."

"It is my business because Sirius deserves better than you gave him. Honestly, I can't believe all the bloody shit you fed not only him, but me." He said moving to stand in front of me. "How did you ever make it into Gryffindor when you have the heart of a Slytherin?" He asked and my head snapped up. It was one thing to say I was heartless, quite another to compare me to those wankers.

"You have no right to say anything of that sort to me," I growled standing up to challenge him. "You want to know the truth? I agonized over whether or not to follow through with that bloody plan. When the whole thing started out I didn't think I would fall for him- hell I don't believe in love! But it happened, I _did_ fall for him. And you're right, Sirius does deserve better than me- that's why I decided to follow through in the end. That way he'd hate me and I could on living my life. And while it didn't work out exactly as I'd planned, it worked. He hates me and now he'll never want anything to do with me ever again. And in the end that's what's best for him." I finished my voice loud again, only now there was no audience. James just stood there looking at me as I took a shuddering breath and tried to compose myself.

"I don't expect you to believe me or anything, James, I don't. But that's the truth. As much as I've tried to deny it, it's true- I love Sirius. All I want is for him to be happy- as sappy and bloody corny as it sounds. And if letting him go is what I need to do for him to be happy, then so be it." I said shrugging. "Now, will you leave me the bloody fuck alone?" I asked turning and walking off. I hadn't even made half way back before James caught up with me.

"You swear that's the truth?" He asked and I merely nodded, keeping my eyes ahead of me. "Look, Addi, why don't you just tell him the truth? He'd understand…" He trailed off.

"I can't do that. Look, I didn't break up with Sirius just for him, it was for me too. The whole purpose of this plan was to get revenge and it'd be like letting myself down if I don't stick to it. Besides, I can't let myself be that open and vulnerable. It's the fastest way to getting hurt; I learned that the hard way. Pride is the only thing I have left- and I don't have that much. So, no, I'm not going to tell him the truth nor are you." I replied firmly.

"Sirius isn't Roger, you know." James said carefully.

"He doesn't need to be."

"Well, all I'm saying is that maybe you're letting yourself down more by not even giving it a shot," He said with a shrug. "Think about it." He added as we walked into the Entrance Hall.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I did think about what James had said. I didn't change my mind about anything, but I took his words to heart. After that day he stopped being a jerk for the most part, but he always dropped hints that I should tell Sirius the truth. I never did, though. I wanted to but everyday it got harder and harder to work up the nerve and soon I just couldn't bring myself to do it. James was the only one I ever told the entire truth to, although I suspected that he told Lily because she became increasingly nicer to me as time wore on.

The end of the year came and so did N.E.W.T.s. I did as well as I thought I could and hoped for the best. I returned home to my parents, seeing as I had nowhere else to go. Zoey was traveling throughout Europe before starting her desk job at the Ministry and I was stating my healer's training. I'd wanted to be a healer for as long as I could remember and it was the only way I'd have my own money. Pureblood witches didn't get their "inheritance" until they were married and our inheritance was our dowry, so we still didn't really get it.

"Adira, did you hear? Narcissa is getting married to _Lucius Malfoy_!" My mother exclaimed one afternoon. I was sitting in the drawing room, pretending to be interested in the petty gossip and 'news' that she liked to discuss.

"Yes, mother, you've only told me a thousand times- and I got the hint the first time." I sighed, rolling my eyes. This was what my life had been reduced to- hearing what dear cousin Cissy was up to and how all the young pureblood witches my age had already found suitable husbands.

"Well, I'm only saying," She huffed indignantly. "Lucius Malfoy is one of the best catches a girl could get. I worry about you, Adira. You never seem to understand how important it is that you marry well- status is _everything_. Without status we might as well be no better than the blood traitors and mudbloods." She continued on and on, but I tuned her out.

I hated living under the same roof as these narrow minded bigots. As the months passed it became harder and harder to pretend like I cared. It took all of my self restraint to not tear my hair out and scream like a lunatic. And it was times like these that I thought about the offer that Sirius had made me- the one to live with him. If only I hadn't…no, I couldn't think like that. I couldn't live on wishful thinking- that would only get me in trouble…or killed. I needed to be strong and to do that I had stop thinking about Sirius.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I figured the best way to get over Sirius was to move on and go out with other guys. After all, he hadn't mourned the loss of me- so why should I? I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but it the only solution I could come up with. Soon it had been almost a year since graduation, which was the last time I'd seen him. I still thought about him a lot, but it was slowly getting easier to bear. I just had to forget him.

"Oh, Adira, come here! There's someone you absolutely _have_ to meet!" Bella cried as I walked into the wedding shower being thrown for Cissy.

"Remember, darling, stand up straight and proudly show off that you are high class society," Mother whispered in my ear before pushing me forward to Bella and Rodolpholus.

"Adira Pogue this Abraham Nott, Theodore's older brother," She said, presenting me like a prize. I curtsied, like a trained monkey, and he bowed. "Well, we'll just leave you two to get to know each other," She added, pulling her fiancé away with her.

"You're a Pogue?" He asked raising an eyebrow and I nodded. "Very respectable family, good bloodlines…I was sorry to see your brother die, he was a good man."

"Yeah," I said not really sure of what else I could say.

"I knew Adair quite well, actually," He continued on making conversation. And of course, by the rules of my society, I had no choice but to sit there and talk to him. "He was two years behind me at Hogwarts and we trained together for the Death Eaters. He talked about you a lot- said that even though you two didn't agree on everything that he'd die for you. Thought very highly of you and now I can see why."

"Thank you," I said blushing slightly. "I didn't know that Ade cared that much. We kind of grew apart after he started working for Vol- I mean, the Dark Lord."

"Oh, he did, believe me." He replied nodding. A slightly awkward silence fell between us. "Would care to dance, Adira?" He asked and l looked at him.

"Sure, I'd love to," I replied with a forced smile.

He led me to the dance floor and placed a hand on my waist. With my hand on his shoulder and free hands clasped, he begun to twirl me about the floor. He knew what he was doing, there was no doubt about that, but there was still something off. He wasn't Sirius.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

After that night, Abraham took a special interest in me. He stopped by a week later to ask me to dinner and within two weeks had pegged me as the exact type of woman he had planned on marrying. It almost seemed liked he thought he owed it to my brother to make sure I was taken care of. It didn't matter that I wanted nothing to do with the world he lived in, he was determined to have me. And of course my parents _loved_ him. He was everything that they had ranted on and on about. Upstanding, good family blood, and a Death Eater.

On the one hand I was happy that he liked me because it gave me someone to date. That meant that I could get over Sirius that much faster and I hadn't even had to work at it. But there was still something off. I hated myself for even considering someone who not only believed in the pureblood ways, but practiced them as well. Abe was nine years older than me, which meant that he had worked for Voldemort for over ten years. He didn't have a problem killing people or manipulating them to get what he wanted. I felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time between him and my family.

"Miss Adira, Master Nott has arrived," Speck squeaked as I finished putting the final touches on my make up.

"Thank you, Speck, tell him I'll be down in a few minutes." I replied looking over my shoulder at her.

"As you wish, Miss Adira," She said, curtsying.

I sighed and turned back to the mirror. I looked a vision of pureblood upbringing and breeding. Abe and I had been seeing each other for a month and a half now, so I knew he would be proposing soon. Generally that's how it worked.

"You look stunning, as usual," Abe said as I descended the stairs to the entry way.

"As do you," I replied as he kissed my cheek and it was true. He always dressed to impress, especially when we went out.

He took me to one of the finest wizard restaurants to eat. It was stuffy, dark, and expensive. Just the way Abe liked things. The food was great, as was to be expected, but it still tasted tainted. After dinner we went walking around the grounds of the Nott Estate, talking of nothing truly important.

"Adira, wait just a minute," Abe said suddenly, turning me towards him. "Look, I know we haven't known each other that long, but you are everything I could ever hope to find in a wife. You're strong and determined- maybe a little _too_ outspoken, but that can be fixed with time. I can take care of you, make sure that nothing will happen to you, give you what you need. Will you marry me?" He asked going down onto one knee and holding up a good sized ring, that glittered in the pale moonlight.

I looked at the ring and then at Abe. He was right, he could give me what I needed…it was a no brainer really. But as I was about to say yes, Sirius' face popped into my head. It dawned on me then that Abe's speech had nothing to do with love. There was no compassion or feeling in it- just like our relationship. If I accepted Abe that meant I had no hope of ever getting out. I'd be signing my own death wish. But, then again, if I didn't accept I'd be in the same situation.

"Yes, I will."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

In the middle of August I received an invitation to Lily and James' wedding. I smiled when I opened the envelope, not the least bit surprised. The date was set for October 17, which was too far away in my opinion. Of course, I hadn't had any interaction with anyone normal in over six months so I was going to jump on this opportunity. Of course there was the slight problem that Sirius would be there- hell he was more than likely the best man. But I suppose we were going to cross paths at some point and it might as well be sooner than later. And perhaps I could explain myself- if he would let me.

Abe and I had set our wedding for December. I didn't really have to do anything because my mother insisted on planning everything and if I wasn't at home bored then I was with Abe wondering if I was making the right decision.

"Alright, Mother, I'm leaving. I'll be back in a week or so," I said, picking up my traveling bag.

"Just remember if you try to disappear we have ways of finding you," Father said threateningly as I walked to the door.

"Yes, yes, I know," I replied rolling my eyes.

As if I would dare run away. My new status as Abraham Nott's fiancé had me being watched closer than ever. My parents knew of my rebellious nature, but Abe did not. So to solve the problem they merely told him that I would need a "bodyguard" at all times when I wasn't at home. The fiancé of a well known Death Eater would be an easy target indeed.

But I struck a deal with my parents. I got a week to myself in October to whatever I wanted or needed to do. They agreed so long as I returned and married Abe. It was the only way I could get away to James and Lily's wedding without making matters worse for myself.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey, Zoey! Over here!" I called out, waving my arms to get her attention.

"Addi! Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" She said hugging me. "How have you been?"

"Oh alright…my parents are crazy as ever, but at least I have a week away." I replied with a shrug. "What about you? How was Europe?" I added as we started walking down the street, window shopping.

"Oh amazing! There was so much to see and the trip took longer than I'd expected. Luckily I didn't start my job at the Ministry until last month." She said laughing. "You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw- and most of it was muggle accomplishments! I'm telling you, Addi, wizards give muggles less credit than they deserve."

"I'd have to say I completely and totally agree with you on that," I replied smiling. "I've missed you so much."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Are you going to James and Lily's wedding?" She asked giving me a sideways glance.

"That's why I'm here. Well that and I needed a serious break from my family." I said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Honestly, things are so crazy right now."

"Yeah, I bet- hey, what's that on your hand?" She asked grabbing my hand from my head. "Nice rock, who's the bloke who gave it to you?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot…I'm engaged," I said unenthusiastically. "Surprise!" I added mock cheerfully.

"Addi! You're engaged? When, and to who?" She exploded.

"Yes, well, it's been fairly recent- about two months ago. His name's Abraham Nott- you know Theodore's older brother." I said not looking her in the eye.

"You're marrying a _Nott_! But, Addi, they're notorious dark wizards! Very well known for-" She started but I cut her off.

"Muggle killings, I know, I know," I said nodding.

"How can you marry someone like that?" She asked and I looked up at her.

"I don't really have a choice. I'm under my parents' rules and, well, Abe decided that I was everything he wanted in a wife. Besides, it's not like I have any better offers." I replied somewhat apologetically.

"What about Sirius?" She asked throwing me a sideways glance.

"What about him?" I retorted crossing my arms. "He hates me and besides it's not like I ever had feelings for him anyways." I added, but she just shook her head.

"That's a load of bollocks and we both know it. You fell for him, Addi, I know you did. And I should've seen it," She said smiling sadly at me. "I'm sorry, I really am. I was just so caught up in the plan and everything that I failed to see it there."

"Zoey, it's not your fault, really it isn't. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be so vulnerable. If I had just kept my guard up…well maybe things would have turned out differently." I said holding my hand up to stop her. "Besides, love's not really my thing, right?" I added with a weak laugh.

"You know, you don't always have to put on a show for everyone, least of all me," She said after a second. "You don't have to do what's expected of you- in fact you shouldn't have to. But you're so worried with what everyone else thinks and says that you just follow the predictable route. You shouldn't let expectations rule who you are and how you live your life, Addi. Rise above your family and Abraham Nott and all of it."

"I tried to, really I did," I replied, shocked at what she had said. "All throughout Hogwarts I fought against my parents' ways- hell, I all but ran away! But now, Zoey, it's inevitable- I have no choice anymore."

"Of course you have a choice! You can leave and forget about the marriage and the pureblood nonsense!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Where would I go? Zoey, no matter how well I hid myself my family would find some way to get to me." I said shaking my head, knowing she wouldn't understand. "This isn't like running away from a muggle home- I'm dealing with some of the darkest wizards. Abe would kill a thousand people just to find me." I added.

"You could room with me- we could get a flat. There are charms and protections spells we can perform…Addi, it's time that you took _your_ life into your own hands." She pushed on and I knew she was right. But I was trapped in my ways and I knew I wouldn't do anything about it.

"Well, as of right now I can't," I said shrugging and starting to walk again. "I told my parents I'd return in a week and they will send the Death Eaters to look for me if I don't."

Even though we didn't speak about the matter again, it hung in the air around us. We stopped in numerous stores to buy dresses and jewelry, shoes and make-up for the wedding. I didn't want to show up in one of those flashy dresses that I seemed to have in an overabundance- I wanted something simple. I found it in a little muggle boutique tucked away between some of the bigger shops. It was a floor length golden orange gown that had two flounces under it. With off the shoulder straps and basic beadwork in the bodice it was exactly what I was looking for.

"Okay, so tomorrow I'll see you there, then?" Zoey asked as we came up to the Leaky Cauldron, which was where I was staying.

"Yes, see you tomorrow." I said smiling at her. She returned the smile and then apparated away.

I let myself into my room and set my packages down on the bed. I paced around for a while, thinking of what I was going to say to Sirius tomorrow. It then dawned on me that Sirius might not want to talk to me at all. So, I came up with next best thing- a letter. This way I didn't even have to attempt talking to him, because I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to myself.

I sat down at the desk in the corner of the room and pulled out some parchment, a quill, and ink. I thought for a few minutes of how to start the letter and nothing came to me. The more I racked my brain the harder it seemed to become. Honestly, how hard was it to put down some stupid bloody words that explained why you broke someone's heart? So I stopped thinking about it and just wrote whatever came to mind.

_Sirius-_

_I know I am the last person in the world that you want to hear from, but I'm begging you to just read this the whole way through- it's the last thing I'll ever ask of you, I promise._

_I feel that I owe you an explanation for my actions and since you don't want to hear me tell you I'm hoping you'll read this._

_In the beginning I had every intention of dating you and dumping you- just like that, no emotional baggage or connections at all. But it's funny the way the world works, isn't it? Almost everything I told you was true- of course there were some things I had to change, but all the late night talks about our families and pasts…that was real. And what I said about not believing in love- well, that was true too. Which is why I was the perfect person to pull off the revenge plan._

_Zoey and I came up with this plan because of what Roger did to me- just because I don't believe in love doesn't mean that it didn't hurt when he cheated on me and then dumped me. We decided to do it just after James made you try to call a truce. _

_Sirius, I hated you and, coupled with the fact that you were a womanizer and the biggest player in the school, well, you were the perfect candidate. So we set to work and after a few batted eyelashes here, a couple of hard-to-gets there, I had you eating out the palm of my hand. Christmas was my biggest accomplishment- getting you to ask me out. From there it wasn't too difficult because you were so whipped that I had only to snap my fingers and you would do my bidding._

_But something happened that I didn't count on- I fell for you. I don't know how, but after getting to know you as someone other than a pureblood wizard or womanizing playboy I saw someone that I actually could get along with. Of course, I denied this to myself and Zoey for as long as possible, but eventually I had to admit the truth. _

_So I did the only thing that made sense- I ignored my heart and went on with the plan. Inside I constantly fought with myself on whether or not to just tell you and forget about it, but there was always something that stopped me. Call it a stupid urge to prove my point or insecurity to get too close to anyone, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth. Perhaps it would have been better if I had. _

_I've thought about you a lot, Sirius. I've thought about everything that's happened and while I wish I could change a lot of what I did, I wouldn't change the fact that you and I aren't together. Here's the reason I went through with the stupid plan in the end: I love you, Sirius, and I want you to be happy. If being happy means that you aren't with me, then so be it- I can handle that. Besides, how can I make you happy when I can't even make myself happy? _

_You taught me how to love and how to be loved. You gave me the confidence and hope of escaping the same fate as our parents, if only for a little while, and I'll never forget you. I'm not looking for forgiveness and I don't expect to ever see you again- I just wanted some sense of closure and this is the best I can do._

_If you've read this far then I have only one thing left to say and that is I'm sorry for everything, Sirius, I really, truly am._

_Goodbye and Good Luck-_

_Addi_

I put the letter in an envelope and sealed it. Standing up and stretching I set the envelope on the bedside table. Getting under the covers and flicking my wand to extinguish the lights, I went to sleep.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N:** okay, so the wedding's in the next chapter and then we'll see if Sirius talks to her or not, it could all be very dramatic, you know. haha anyways you all know what to do- click the button that says review and drop me a line- love it, hate it, can't believe what I'm doing, anything and everything's helpful :p


	12. Broken Hearts Make Bastards

Ch. 12- Broken Hearts Make Bastards

_I will sleep another day  
I don't really need to anyway  
What's the point when my dreams are infected  
With words you used to say  
I will breathe in a moment  
As long as I keep my distance  
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up_

_So don't go worrying about me  
It's not like I think about you constantly  
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect  
Your life anymore  
I knew it the moment you walked into the door_

_All Hail The Heartbreaker- The Spill Canvas_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I tossed and turned all night. Sirius kept popping into my dreams and it was always the same: he kept asking me why. Why did I do this to him? Why did I break his heart? I would jerk awake to find myself submerged in darkness, damp from the cold sweat that engulfed my body.

I got up the next morning with a headache and a bad temper. I ordered some pepper up potion from the bar and then proceeded to get ready. Just because I was miserable and hated life in general didn't mean everyone else had to know. I knew that Sirius wasn't going to be pining over me like I had him and that when I saw him he would more than likely be anything but civil. So I wasn't going to give him any more ammo than he already had. I pinned my hair up into a simple French twist with a diamond barrette and slipped my dressed on. Just a dash of mascara and lipstick and shoes in hand, I was ready to head out.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The wedding was being held in the garden behind James' house. It was simple and small, but I supposed with they way times were it made sense. Nobody really trusted anybody else and quite frankly I was a little surprised that I received an invitation.

I walked through the gate to the garden and looked around for Zoey. I found her sitting halfway up the aisle and hurried over. As I was walking I glanced up front and saw James and Sirius standing there, along with Remus and Peter. I'd known as soon as I'd gotten the invitation that Sirius would best man, after all he was James' twin, but that didn't change the lump that formed in my throat. I'd brought the note with me and figured that I would just give to James or Remus to give to him. Although perhaps James would be a safer bet as I wasn't sure if Remus would still pissed at me as well.

I slipped into the seat next to Zoey and tried to control my racing heart. I could feel Zoey's eyes on me and I was determined not to let any sign of pining or weakness show. This was James and Lily's big day and honestly I wanted nothing more than to remain invisible so that I could focus all my thoughts on them. Too bad that was just wishful thinking.

Thankfully the ceremony started soon after. As the music started everyone stood and turned to where Lily was standing with father. She looked absolutely stunning- her dress was a radiant white, strapless with a full skirt and her vibrant auburn hair had been pulled back into an elegant bun on top of her head. She had this smile on her face that told me she couldn't have been happier than she was at this moment. I looked back up the aisle at James, who seemed oblivious to everyone except Lily. He was staring at her as though she were the single most beautiful and fulfilling thing he'd ever seen. Any idiot could see what they had was true love and it made me wonder- had I made the right choice? Was love worth leaping into the unknown and discarding everything you knew?

One thing was for sure- as Lily and James exchanged their vows I could see they didn't care about losing everything in the war. So long as they had each other at the end of the day, well, that was enough.

"Hey! Congratulations!" I exclaimed as I found James at the reception. "You're a married man now, James, you know you're going to have to behave, right?" I added raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, I dunno if I'll be able to do it," He replied smiling. "I'm really glad you could make it, Addi," He added pulling me into a hug.

"You kidding? I wouldn't have missed this for the world!" I said laughing. "You and Lily really are the perfect couple, you know that?"

"Well, I wouldn't say perfect, but we are up there, aren't we?" He said and I rolled my eyes good naturedly at him.

"I wish you the best of luck- may your marriage be far better than mine," I said holding up my glass of wine in mock toast.

"Hang on, you're getting _married_? Since when?" He asked shocked.

"July," I replied shrugging. "It's to Abraham Nott…" I trailed off looking away.

"Ah, I see," He said and I could tell he thought I was mental. "Well, I'm sure you two, er, love each other very much." He added, but we both knew that love had nothing to do with it.

"Yeah," I said noncommittally. "Anyways, I'd better let you get back to your mingling. It's really great to see you, James." I added smiling at him.

"Yeah, Addi, you too." He replied sincerely and I knew he meant it. "Listen, we'll have to get together sometime and have lunch or something. I've missed our chats and I never see you."

"Yeah, sure, that'd be fantastic," I agreed nodding, but knowing that it probably wouldn't happen. "Owl me sometime."

"Alright, I'll do that." He said. "Bye, Addi."

He walked off and I looked around the room. Zoey was dancing with some guy, Remus was laughing at something Peter had just done, and Sirius was…no where in sight.

"Well, well, well," I heard a voice behind me say. I turned and there he was. "You actually showed up."

"Yes, I was invited after all," I replied and he just shook his head. "What? Find it hard to believe?"

"Well, it surprises me that you thought you'd be welcomed with open arms after what you did," He said icily and I didn't bother to point out that I had said nor implied any such thing- I wasn't going to argue with him here.

"So, have you found anyone stupid enough to date you yet?" He asked obnoxiously and I looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"As a matter of fact I have," I replied just as obnoxiously. I held up my hand, making sure the diamond glinted in the light and smiled sweetly at him. "I'm getting married in December."

"Wow, you do move fast. So, how did you hook this one, then? Did you trick him into thinking that you weren't a bitch? Or maybe it was all part of some elaborate plan," He pressed on and there was something in his tone that surprised me- a sort of biting cold bitterness. "No, no, you probably have him under a love spell. That's the only way any guy with half a brain would marry you." His accusations were harsh and I can't deny that I was slightly taken aback by them.

"Actually, I didn't have to do anything to get his attention," I replied haughtily. "We met at a party and he sought me out after that. He even asked my father for permission before he proposed to me. Isn't that sweet?" I added and Sirius made this sort of strangled grunting noise.

"Yeah, I'm just so happy and you know he's very well connected," I continued examining my ring again for effect. "He's really all I could've picture in the guy I would marry."

"You know what I think?" He asked after a second and I looked at him. "I think you've got an arranged marriage and that you're probably happy that you don't have to show this blighter any true concern, passion, or feeling. I think you two probably deserve each other."

"How dare you!" I exclaimed angrily- although I was more angry he'd read into it so perfectly than I was at the actual theory he gave. "You know nothing of my relationship and, if my memory serves me correctly, you could care less. Just because you can't get a girl to love you for real don't demean my engagement."

"At least I can love!" He retorted stepping closer to me. "At least I'm not some heartless harpy that messes with people for their own sick twisted amusement. I may not be able to keep a relationship for more than two weeks, but hey, I can sleep peacefully at the end of the night knowing I'm nothing like you." He added viciously.

"Sirius, I didn't come here to pick a fight with you or…well, whatever," I said closing my eyes sand counting to ten. "I came here because I was invited by James. I hadn't planned on even talking to you, so they you are. You started this not me."

"Yes, well, why don't you get to the point so I can go enjoy myself," He said with a sneer.

"Why do you have to be so…infuriating?" I asked biting back the hot tears pricking at my eyes. "Here, read this- it will explain everything that you wouldn't let me say. I promise, I'll never ask anything of you again- in fact, I'll do you one better. I'll completely disappear from your life forever. Just please read this." I added pressing the note into his hands.

Then without another glance I turned and hurried away. I couldn't stay there any longer. I gave James and Lily a quick goodbye and all but ran from the reception. It was better that Sirius was going to be out my life for good. He did nothing but confuse and madden me. So then why did it feel like my heart was breaking all over again?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

December came and with it the wedding. The final details were being put into effect and I was counting down the days with dread. I'd somehow managed to keep Sirius off my mind during the days- the only time he haunted me was at night in my dreams.

I stood in front of a floor length mirror and examined myself. I was a vision of beauty and perfection- my white gown had off the shoulder straps and had a skirt that had ten flounces under it, making it poof out ridiculously big. My hair had been swept up into complicated bun with lots of twists and curls. I only wished that my attitude matched the occasion.

"You've made the right decision, you know," My mother said pinning my veil in place.

We were in the back of the church that my parents had rented out. We were by no means religious- nobody attending the wedding knew what religion was- but my father had said it was the perfect place to hold the wedding. It was huge, ancient, and well furnished. Besides the fact that the church was wizard run, it was also expensive- which in the pureblood world translated into worthy.

"Right for who?" I muttered rolling my eyes. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Darling, Abraham Nott is a wonderful man to be betrothed to," Mother said shaking her head at me. "He's going to really go places under the Dark Lord's regime. You should be proud and flattered that he wants to marry you."

"Only because of who my family is," I replied sourly. "Look, mum, just drop it. I'm never going to be happy with this marriage, but I did agree to it. So…get on with it."

As I waited at the doors with my father, I felt nauseous. I had to keep taking deep breaths to keep myself from freaking out. As I drew closer to Abe, I kept picturing Sirius standing there instead. I told myself to get a grip, that I was marrying Abe and I would never see Sirius again. Move on and grow up.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" The judge asked as we stopped at the front of the church.

"I do," Father responded. He took my hand and gave it to Abe. I stepped forward and took my place next to him.

"We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in marriage," The judge continued. "The union of two people is not a light and merry one. It is meant to be hard work and support. Passion is for those-"

I blocked him out. I'd been to enough weddings to know that we would be standing here for a good twenty minutes listening to him drone on and on about how marriage is not about love, it's about support and work. After all, love is the emotion of fools and purebloods were not fools.

But as I stood there my mind wandered to all the times I'd had at Hogwarts. I remembered my first night at the school, when the Sorting Hat had been dropped onto my head. It had whispered in my ear that I was destined to be different from my family and that I had the courageous heart to do it. It told me that it had considered my sister for Slytherin, but she had been too smart and not ambitious enough for it and then it told me that I did not have the qualities to belong there either. And then it shouted 'GRYFFINDOR' and my life as an outcast was sealed.

Then I thought about Zoey and how much of what I'd become was because of her. Befriending not only a Gryffindor, but a muggle-born Gryffindor was a risky move. I thought about how much of my life changed as soon as I took that one step in the right direction. I'd definitely become bolder as I'd grown up. Hadn't I been defying my parents for years now? Hadn't I always said that one day I'd get out, turn my back on this world?

And then, before I could push it away, Sirius popped into my head. He'd had the biggest influence on me and I couldn't help but think that if I went through with this marriage I was going against everything I believed in my heart. And Sirius had taught me that what your heart says is the only thing that matters.

As the memories washed over me I realized how stupid I was being. Here I was marrying this Death Eater and for what? My parents and their idiotic and crazed pureblood ways. I was on the verge of throwing my life away and while I'd convinced myself that this was the brave and right thing to do, I was really just taking the easy way out. I was a disgrace to my house and myself.

I knew what I had to do, but that didn't make it any less difficult. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and prepared for the outbreak that was sure to ensue.

"Wait, stop!" I said and the judge fell quiet in mid sentence. I turned to Abe, who was looking at me annoyed. "I can't marry you, Abe. I can't do this anymore." I told him.

"What do you mean you can't marry me?" He asked confused.

"I mean that it wouldn't be right," I replied with a shrug. "Look, I can't pretend to be the girl you need me to be and you can't make me happy. It's as simple as that. I'm sorry, I should have done this a long time ago, but there you are." I turned around and started back down the aisle. Almost immediately Father was in front of me, livid and demanding.

"Get back up there this instant!" He hissed angrily.

"No," I said calmly. I wasn't afraid of these people anymore. "I'm not doing this just because you want me to. I'm not going to throw my whole life away to become a house wife who has to cover up her husbands many faults and crimes. And there's nothing you can do about it." I added and, spinning on the spot, I apparated out of my family's life forever.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

After I stopped at home to pick up a few things, I somehow turned up at Fabian Prewett's. I'm not sure why I thought of him when I was disapparating, but I did and so there I was, in a huge wedding dress and still in shock of what had happened. I reached up, knocked on the door, and waited.

"Yeah, yeah, hang on!" I heard Fabian's voice calling through the door. "Look, if you're trying to sell me some of those dark arts amulets I know they're a crock." He said as he opened the door.

"Well, not exactly the welcome I was hoping for," I said smiling at him. "But I guess it'll do."

"Addi! What are you doing here?" He asked surprised. "Last I heard you'd disappeared."

"No, not disappeared, just went back home," I replied shaking my head. Fabian stood back, letting me into his flat. "My parents are unbearable and you know I've just had enough."

"I see," He said with a nod. Then, "Why are you dressed for a wedding?" He asked taking in my appearance fully.

"Oh, I was supposed to get married today," I said nonchalantly. "Yeah, but I walked out because I realized that if I went through with it I'd be throwing my life away."

"So you finally walked out on them, good for you," He said smiling. "Just out of curiosity, why did you come here? I'm sure you have other places you could've gone to."

"Well, Zoey's currently out of town on a business call, so I couldn't really go there and right now I'm not on the best of terms with the other people I would have gone to." I replied looking down at the floor. I didn't want to tell Fabian what I had done, but I didn't know if I could get away without saying it.

"You and Black broke up?" He asked surprised and I nodded. "Why?"

I took a deep breath and then explained everything to him. The plan, the way I'd fallen for him, the internal battle I'd had, and finally James and Lily's wedding and all that had happened there. Fabian didn't interrupt and his face stayed expressionless throughout the whole story. When I was finished he looked out the window for a few minutes before saying anything.

"Merlin, Addi, you have made one hell of a bloody mess," He said shaking his head. "You still love the bloke, though, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, and that's the funniest thing of all- I'm supposed to be the one incapable of love. I've never believed in love in my entire life and Sirius, well, he changed that for me." I replied quietly. "Look, if you can just let me spend the night here, you know get freshened up I can be out of your way in the morning." I added looking up at him.

"Oh no, there is no way you are going to go wander around by yourself when Voldemort and his Death Eaters are killing hundreds of people every day." He said firmly, looking at me as though I were insane. "Do you want to get yourself murdered? No, you can stay here for as long as you need. It's just me and Gideon anyways, so we have plenty of room." He added.

"Thanks, Fabian, this means a lot," I said giving him a hug.

"Anytime, love, anytime."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

After I showered and changed, I sat down with Fabian and caught up with him. He and his brother had been fighting Voldemort since they finished Auror training. They were in something called the Order of the Phoenix, which I had heard of vaguely from my parents. It was Dumbledore's organization against Voldemort, but from what I heard they were vastly outnumbered and losing members to Death Eaters frequently.

"So is this an underground organization?" I asked after he'd finished. "I mean, I haven't exactly seen you guys proclaiming yourselves from the street corners."

"Well, kind of…it's just that Dumbledore doesn't really want the Ministry to get involved, so if he keeps it under wraps, well, it's just best." He said with a shrug.

"I see. And how would one go about joining this order?" I asked and he looked up at me.

"Addi, are you crazy? With your parents, and not to mention your ex-fiancée, out there it would be too dangerous for you to fight!" Fabian exclaimed incredulously.

"Well, what the bloody hell else am I supposed to do? I'm certainly not going to sit around here or get some boring desk job at St. Mungo's that is out of the question." I retorted heatedly. "This is a _war_, Fabian! People are supposed to fight and risk their lives. I've been ready to publicly renounce my family for years now and what better way than to join the very organization that they're head to head with?"

"I know, but that doesn't mean that you-" He started but I cut him off.

"Look, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I don't necessarily have to be in the front lines of the troops. I'm a fair dueler, but I'd never make a good Auror. I'm a healer and I know for a fact that you guys could use as many good healers as you can find," I said defiantly. "You're not going to stop me from doing this, so why don't you just help me?"

"Okay, fine, I'll help, but I'll tell you now that you're not going to get a warm reception from everyone," He said finally. "Especially from those closest to Sirius…" He trailed off.

"I don't expect one and as for those who don't like it, well they can kiss my arse and go to hell. Look, I just want to do my part to keep people like Abe and my family at bay. This is something I need to do and I know it isn't going to be easy." I said and Fabian just shook his head.

"You always were a stubborn little wench. Alright, I'll help you. I'm meeting with Dumbledore tonight with Gideon to give him a report and I'll ask him then." He said, caving.

"Thanks, Fabian."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: okay, well there's another chapter!! there's only about three left and an epilogue so that's kind of exciting, yet depressing at the same time. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it you guys would review- love it, hate it, confused? um, next chapter we'll definitely see Sirius again as well as everyone else. anyways, please review:p**


	13. Meet Bailey Anderson

Ch. 13- Meet Bailey Anderson

_You swear you recall nothing at all  
That could make you come back down  
You made up your mind to leave it all behind  
Now you're forced to fight it out_

_You fall away from your past  
But it's following you_

_Fall Away- The Fray_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Over the next couple of weeks I applied at St. Mungo's and a couple of other hospitals for a day job. I didn't leave the flat for the first few days because I was afraid that my father would be looking for me. But when nothing out of the ordinary happened, I deemed it safe to venture outside, if only for a little while.

I'd met Gideon, Fabian's older brother, and there was no denying the two were related. They acted so similar and yet Gideon was completely his own person. He wasn't as outrageously flirtatious as Fabian, instead he approached girls in a totally different manner. Not as upfront as Fabian, he chose to give girls a taste of what he had to offer and let them do the rest of the work. I found this out on my third night staying with them when he tried to work his charm on me.

"Well, hello there! You must be the infamous Adira Pogue," He'd said in a laid back, friendly voice. "Fabian here has told me so much about you. I'm Gideon, his older and much more mature brother."

"Hello, yes I am Adira, although I prefer Addi," I replied as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth from the cheesiness of it. "I hope you don't mind me staying here. It will only be until my friend, Zoey, comes back from a business trip."

"Oh no, not at all- I'm thrilled to have you here! In fact, if you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask- a tour around town, a place for drinks, you know the like." He exclaimed with a wink. And that was that, no more was said. I glanced at Fabian who shot me one of his world famous grins and clapped Gideon on the back.

"Don't even try, Gid, she's taken," He said to his brother. "Well, not _officially_ taken, but she's marked territory."

"I am _not_ territory!" I exclaimed indignantly.

"Ah, but sweet you are." Fabian said, clucking his tongue at me.

"And who's the lucky bugger, eh? I was looking forward to a fresh face." Gideon asked dropping his oh-so-charming smile to frown at his brother.

"Sirius Black I'm afraid. And you don't want to be messing with any girl of Sirius'," Fabian replied and I just rolled my eyes.

"Ah, yes, that's true. Too bad, I think we would have got on rather well," Gideon said turning back to me.

"Yes, well, seeing as Sirius hates me, I might take you up on that offer," I said crossing my arms and he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Well then, I guess I'll keep my schedule open." He replied with a smirk.

Even though it was fun to flirt the Prewett brothers I knew nothing would happen. Whether it was because it was mutually understood that it was just harmless flirting or if it be the Sirius factor, I never knew. But neither of them took it past the joking/flirting around stage nor did I.

Fabian kept his promise and talked to Dumbledore about letting me join the Order. I had a meeting with my old headmaster for the fifteenth of January to discuss my initiation. I'd met with him once already and said that I'd rather keep my alliance and membership under the table because of how certain members were sure to act. Dumbledore had obliged me and so I would be helping the Order in a more subtle way.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Ah, Miss Pogue, so nice to see you again," Dumbledore said as I sat down across from him in his office.

"You too, Professor," I replied with a smile. "Now, what do I need to do to make my allegiance official to the Order?"

"Well, before we discuss that I'd like to talk to you about something else." He said a twinkle in his eye. "You're a healer at St. Mungo's, is that correct?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?" I asked confused.

"Well, our Order is in desperate need of a good healer and from what I've heard you're very talented." He said smiling at me. "I was wondering if you would be willing to take up that position?"

"But sir, I thought we agreed to keep my joining the Order a secret? I was going to help in more indirect ways and just report straight to you," I said frowning. "I honestly think it would be for the best- I assure you there are fair few people who will object to my being there."

"Be that as it may, Miss Pogue, I could use a healer more than an undercover agent," He said calmly. "I have thought about this and could you not simply produce an alias? Create a new identity for the Order? I would know who you are and possibly two or three others you may have complete trust in, but nobody else would need to know who you really were." He added and I thought about it for a minute.

"So are we talking polyjuice potion or just some transfiguration and a new hair do?" I asked and he smiled at me again.

"I think if you merely alter you appearance so that you do not look completely yourself you will be fine. After all, it's been a while since anyone has seen you- they all think you're married to Abraham Nott, do they not?" He asked that damn twinkle back in his eye.

"I'm sorry, but exactly how do you know about that, Professor?" I asked incredulously.

"My dear, Fabian explained your position when he talked to me. He felt that you might be in danger if you joined the Order and explained about you leaving your family and ex-fiancé at the church. A very brave thing to do, if I may say so," He added sounding pleased and proud.

"Thank you, sir," I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"Now, will you take up the position of healer?" He asked moving back to the subject at hand.

"Yes, on one condition: I would like to work mostly night shifts. I may be able to change my appearance, but it won't be long before someone recognizes me." I said looking into his electric blue eyes.

"It's a deal. As soon as you've come up with an identity, I'll induct you into the Order. Then we can introduce you to the rest of them." He said with a nod. And that was that.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey there, stranger," I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned and saw Zoey.

"Hey! It's so good to see you!" I exclaimed giving her a hug.

She'd been gone for two weeks on some sort of business call for the Ministry and had only gotten back the night before. But I hadn't seen her since James and Lily's wedding, so it'd been a good two and a half months. I'd owled her, telling her to meet me at the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.

"Yeah, you too! Didn't think I would- seeing as your new husband isn't exactly a muggle lover," She replied fixing me with a look. I hadn't told her everything yet, just to meet me cause I was in town.

"Well, actually," I said now, "there is no new husband. I, er, kind of walked- well, apparated really,- out of the ceremony."

"You're joking! That's bloody brilliant," She said a big grin splitting across her face.

"Thanks. I haven't seen my family since that night and I hope to never see them again. I, um, actually have a job at St. Mungo's and am currently waiting to be inducted into, er, an army of sorts." I replied faltering on the last part because it wasn't safe to talk about anything important these days, not with prying ears around.

"Hm, and it's got something to do with Fawkes, right?" She asked cryptically and I nodded.

"How'd you know?"

"I've been a part of it for a while now," She said with a shrug. "It'll be good to have you, though, cause we are in desperate need of more healers. We only have three right now and one of them, while very sweet, is not the brightest being in the world. Needless to say they all have to work double and triple shifts at the house because there has to be a healer there at all times."

"Well, I'll do the best I can, but first I have to come up with a new identity," I replied and she raised an eyebrow. "Well, I've talked to Dumbledore about it- I don't want to be responsible for any sort of rift or schism, so seeing as I'm not exactly the most welcomed person- especially around that lot- he and I figured that it would be best if I invented a new persona. He says I can't be a part of it until I've got it, so can you help me?"

"Of course! We will do whatever it takes- well within reason," She exclaimed. "By the way, where are you staying?"

"With Fabian and his brother, Gideon," I replied and she smirked. "But I told them it would only be until you got back in town. That is, if the offer still stands."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're always welcome to stay with me." She scoffed.

So, I moved out of the Prewetts' and in with Zoey. Her flat was a small two bedroom with a kitchenette and a living room, but it was more than enough for me. I liked living on my own and being able to breathe freely.

As soon as I was settled we started trying different personalities and looks for me to use for my new identity. Nothing we tried seemed to fit, though. It was hard because I couldn't take the polyjuice potion- that was too risky- and the most I wanted to do was basic transfiguration. After a few days we finally came up with Bailey Anderson.

Bailey was a spunky witch who hailed from the states and happened to be a healer. She was here, living abroad for a while, and was happy to help in any way she could. I happened to be able to pull off a decent American accent, so that wasn't a problem. I decided to chop off my hair and make it black and spiky, which was a far cry from my normal long blondish-red. My eyes I changed from grayish-green to a deep brown and I transfigured my nose from its small, round shape to a more pointed one, making my features much sharper. I examined my handiwork in the mirror- I barely recognized myself.

"You look fantastic, Addi!" Zoey exclaimed as I did a little spin, showing off my new persona. "You look like you could be your cousin or something like that. But we have to put it to the test before we introduce you to everyone else."

"And I know the two perfect people to use," I said in my American accent.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Zoey, what a surprise!" Fabian said as he opened the door. "And my, my who is this charming young thing?" He asked, noticing me.

"Oh, yeah, Fabian this is Bailey Anderson- she's from the states, living abroad for a while." Zoey explained as Fabian took my hand and pressed his lips to the back of it. "Dumbledore asked me to show her around town."

"Enchanté mademoiselle," He said in a fake French accent. "Do come in."

We passed through the door, which Fabian closed behind us. Zoey and I exchanged a look and a smile before he turned back to us.

"So, what brings you to our humble abode?" He asked smiling at me.

"Well, we just wanted to run something by you and see if it was any good," Zoey said cryptically. "Is Gideon here? I wanted to see what he thought too." She added with a smirk.

"Yeah, sure, hang on a sec," He replied looking from Zoey to me. "Hey, Gid, c'mere!" He called.

"What?" Gideon asked as he walked out of his room. "Oh, who do we have the pleasure of entertaining?" He asked, his charm flaring up when he saw Zoey and I.

"Well, you know Zoey and this is Bailey, from the States. They wanted to run an idea of some sort by us," Fabian said as Gideon winked at me. I fought the incredible urge to laugh.

"Well, you see, Bailey wanted to join the Order and Addi said you two were the ones to talk to," Zoey said.

"Oh, she wants to join, well, I could set up a meeting with Dumbledore- what were you thinking of doing?" Gideon asked.

"I'm a healer and I was lookin' for mostly night hours 'cause I dunno how well an American would go over with your people." I said pulling off the bad grammar of a yank with perfection. I saw Fabian's eyes narrow slightly in suspicion.

"Night hours, eh? Well it just so happens that Addi, the witch who recommended us, was looking for those hours. So I guess you'll have to compete with her." He said crossing his arms.

"Oh, I've already talked to her bout it and she said it was fine, that we'd figure something out." I said giving him a charming smile.

"Well, I'll have to ask her before I do anything…just to be sure, you see. If Addi gives it the go ahead than I'll be more than happy to set it up. But until I can get a hold of her, I'm afraid I can't do anything." He replied in a somewhat cold tone.

"Oh, I see. Well that's understandable." Zoey said looking at me. I paused for a second and then decided to unmask myself.

"It just so happens that Bailey and I have an understanding- you see she gets my hours and I don't have to ward off hoards of angry wizards." I said in my normal accent. Gideon had a look of pure confusion on his face while Fabian just shook his head.

"I _knew_ something was up- your reasons sounded so close together…well I'd say you've got that disguise spot on, Addi." He said with a smile.

"Why thank you. I knew if I could fool you I'd be able to fool everyone else." I said feeling quite proud of myself. "Dumbledore and I agreed that I'd need a new identity, so here it is. Bailey Anderson."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I'd gotten the address of the safe house from Fabian and Dumbledore told me to meet him there at seven-thirty. I was striding along the streets of London, looking for the right street. I had to make my entrance by myself and figured it'd be better if I was fashionably late.

I turned onto Hurley Ave and started counting numbers. Eight forty-five…eight forty-seven…eight forty-nine…there it was- Eight Fifty-One Hurley Ave. The house looked a tad bit run down and shabby, but altogether rather cozy and welcoming. I walked up the stone steps and to the front door. I knocked three times and waited.

"Ah, Ms. Anderson, I presume?" Dumbledore said smiling as I stepped over the threshold.

"Yes, so good to see you, Mr. Dumbledore," I replied pulling the hood of my cloak back and looking around.

"Please, call me Albus," He said leading me through to a sitting room where there were about twenty people sitting.

I looked around, spotting Zoey, who smiled at me, and Fabian and Gideon, both of whom winked. Letting my gaze travel around further I also saw Frank and Alice Longbottom, Mad-Eye Moody, Marlene McKinnon- who I'd never known that well- and then my eyes landed on Sirius, who was in between James and Remus. He was looking at me with mild curiosity.

"Alright, this is Miss Bailey Anderson and she is the newest member of the Order." Dumbledore said I stood next to him. "Miss Anderson, why don't you tell us something about yourself?"

"Well, I'm from America- more specifically Chicago- and livin' abroad here for a while." I started but a voice interrupted me.

"Why the bloody hell would you want to live abroad here?" James asked with his trademark smirk. "I mean, England isn't exactly the ideal place to be at the moment, is it?" He added somewhat obnoxiously. I forced a smile on my face as I replied.

"Well, whoever you are, I clearly wasn't fully aware of the situation when I moved, was I?" I asked him and he looked a bit taken aback at my snappy reply. "Nevertheless, I felt the need to help as soon as I got a grasp on the war and what-not."

"What is it that you do, then?" Sirius asked cocking his head to the side, as though sizing me up.

"I'm a healer and from what I hear you're in bad need of one." I said raising an eyebrow at him. "Now, I'm sorry, if I'm gonna be so rudely interrupted I'd like to know by whom." I added crossing my arms over my chest in a classic Yank position.

"I'm Sirius Black and this here is James Potter- we're two of the best Aurors that you'll ever meet." He replied arrogantly.

"Oho, well aren't we the cocky one? Pretty confident for a jackass," I shot back knowing full well the impression I was making, but I couldn't help being defensive. The smug look on Sirius' face disappeared as Dumbledore cut in.

"Well, well, I see we're all just getting along great," He said amusement in his voice. "But forgive me for breaking up this little banter; we have more pressing issues to attend to."

"Yes, let's figure out what we're going to do about this new information," Lily said, shooting a look at James and Sirius. "If we know when and where the Death Eaters are meeting then we should arrange a raid."

"But what if it's a trap?" Frank asked as I sat down in the only empty chair.

"Well, we're fairly certain that this information isn't false or a set-up. Mr. Black and Mr. Potter overheard Lucius Malfoy and Avery Nott talking about it." Dumbledore replied with a nod towards Sirius and James. "So, I agree with Mrs. Potter that we should take this opportunity, since there are so few of them. Let's see, I'd like Sirius, James, Remus, Fabian, and Gideon on this one. Is that alright with all of you?" He added and they nodded.

"Good, now two weeks from this Saturday you will all be in position to move in and take down whatever operation they have going- but only if it seems safe enough too. We don't need to lose any more people than necessary and you five are some of the best we've got." He continued looking at each of them.

"Don't worry, sir, we'll come out alive- we always do." Fabian said confidently.

"Alright, well, I think that's enough for tonight," Dumbledore said after a second. "Miss Anderson, please stay for a few minutes, I'd like to show you around. But first, let me take care of some business."

"No problem," I replied smiling.

As people started to relax the atmosphere changed considerably. Tension left and was replaced with smiles and laughter as everyone caught up. The war had been forgotten, if only for a few minutes. I just sat there, feeling outside of all of these people, not only because of Bailey, but because of the choices I'd made recently.

"Miss Anderson?" I heard a voice say from the right of me. I looked up and saw Sirius.

"Yeah?" I asked casually.

"Hi, I'm Sirius-"

"I know- you've told me already." I cut in standing up. "What do you want?"

"Well, I just wanted to apologize if I in anyway offended you…I tend to shoot my mouth off sometimes." He said looking taken aback at my rudeness. "If there's anything you need- like a tour around town or just, you know, some tea or something…well I'd be more than happy to help out." He added fidgeting with his hands. I had a flashback of Gideon saying almost the same exact thing to me.

"Are you tryin' to ask me out?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"No! Oh Merlin, no," He said shaking his head. I shot him a look.

"You're sure actin' like you are."

"No…it's just that I feel bad for embarrassing you and wanted to make it up," He replied with a shrug. "You should know that I don't do so well with the whole apologizing thing sometimes, so I'm trying to work on it."

"I see, well, I've got Zoey to show me around and I'm not much for tea, but maybe sometime I'll take you up on that," I said giving him a small smile.

"Well, brilliant, I guess I'll see you around," He said smiling back.

"Yeah, see ya," I said and he walked off.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: and there it is!! Sirius is back in the picture and I promise next chapter you guys will see a lot more action- I know this chapter is a bit on the boring side. there's only two more chapters and an epilogue left and I have it all written, so the updates should be fairly fast! and that review button on the bottom of the page isn't there just for decoration ;p haha **


	14. Deadly Ambushes

Ch. 14- Deadly Ambushes

_I'm thinking 'bout other things I heard about today  
All this week and tomorrow  
And how these hands could create some better things for bettering  
but you see for now I got my own things I cant help it  
I got too many issues I own so I cannot help I'm afraid, yeah  
But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world  
Lip service makes up look great_

_Do you feel  
The weight of the world singing sorrow  
Or to you is it just not real  
'Cause you got your things  
Yeah we all have our things I guess_

_Do You Feel- The Rocket Summer_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

As much as I'd wanted to stay away from Sirius and everyone else I was finding that very hard to do. First off because Fabian and Gideon didn't seem to grasp that I didn't want to be Susie Social Bee and make friends with every member of the Order. They'd taken it upon themselves that first night to introduce me and I could see the smirk in their eyes the entire time. Then, during the first week, I'd picked up almost every night to give the regular healers, who had been working the triple shifts, some time off- which meant that I was at headquarters quite often. The other person that was there all the time was Sirius- just my luck.

"Hey, do you get off soon?" He asked me one night.

"Why?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"I was just thinking that maybe we could go get some tea or coffee or whatever it is that you drink," He replied with a shrug. "That is, if you want to."

I just looked at him for a minute. This had been going on for over a week now. Every night or morning- depending on the shift- he'd asked this same question. Up until that night I'd just turned him down. He said he wasn't interested, but he sure was bloody persistent for someone who wasn't.

"You've asked me out every night or day since I started and every time I've turned you down- don't ya know what no means?" I asked him crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well, not really," He joked trying to get me to smile. When all I did was raise my eyebrow higher he added, "Look, I'm sorry if I'm getting on your nerves, but you'd really be doing me a favor if you'd just say yes."

"Really? And why is that?" I asked more curious than annoyed now.

"Well, my best mate, James, has been pushing and nagging me to ask you out on a date and he won't rest until I've done it." He explained, pulling a hand through his hair- which looked just as it did when I'd cut it almost two years ago. "It's just this really stupid thing and I promise this isn't some lame way for me to get into your knickers." He added and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, just so long as you're sure I suppose coffee or whatever wouldn't be so bad," I replied smiling. "You got yourself a date, Mr. Black."

"Please, call me Sirius."

And that's how I found myself in a little muggle coffee shop about an hour later, talking and laughing with Sirius. I kept telling myself that I was going to blow everything if I didn't just walk away, but the longer I sat there the harder it became to convince myself of this. It had been so long since I'd seen Sirius smile at me in a way that wasn't mocking or sarcastic or forced- even though he didn't know it was me. But it was nice to sit there and see that side of him that I'd fallen in love with.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The day of the ambush came quickly enough and I was the healer on duty. It had been pretty quiet around headquarters all day and I was expecting the night to be the same. From the sounds of it they were going in well prepared and ready to kick ass.

Around eleven-thirty, I went down to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I was about to take a bite when I heard a crack sound from upstairs. I put the sandwich down and walked out into the hallway, looking up the stairs to the second floor.

"Hello?" A familiar voice called out, strained and panicked. "Whoever's here, I need help!"

I ran up the stairs and into the second room on the left. There was Fabian, holding up a barely conscious Sirius up, looking much worse for the wear. But if Fabian looked bad, Sirius looked like death itself. His robes were torn in various places and his face was scarcely recognizable beneath all the bruises covering it. But what was most astonishing was the deep cut that stretched diagonally from just above his left eyebrow to his cheekbone, just barely missing his eye.

"Fabian…what the bloody hell happened?" I asked, rushing forward to help him and forgetting Bailey Anderson for the time being.

"We were attacked- they were waiting for us. I dunno if it was a trap or if someone tipped them off, but it's bad, Bailey," He explained quickly as we laid Sirius down on the nearest bed. "Listen, I've got to back and help Gideon- there's too many for him to handle. Potter's apparating back with Lupin as soon as he can find a safe distance- Lupin's in pretty bad shape."

"How bad?" I asked starting to look over Sirius for more injuries than ones I'd initially seen.

"Not quite as bad as this one, but still…listen, take care of him, alright? Make sure they make it- if anyone can do it, you can," He said to me, turning me away for a minute to look me in the eyes.

"I will- and you, Fabian," I said firmly, "you come back to me alive, you hear?"

"Of course, love, I promise," He replied and pecking me quick on the cheek, he disapparated.

I turned back to Sirius and took a breath. I just looked at him helplessly for a few seconds before starting on him. I pushed his hair out of his face seeing that the bruises extended all the way to his scalp. As I summoned the potions and ointments that I needed I glanced down the rest of his body, wondering what I would find beneath the torn robes. But then I saw something else that made my breath catch and stomach drop- a blood soaked section of his robes.

"Alright, let's see," I muttered to myself, as all the vials arranged themselves on the tray next to me. First, I helped him force down with a pain potion and then I picked up a dreamless draught and uncorked it. "Here we go, that's right, nice and gentle," I said to Sirius, tipping the contents in his mouth and watching as he struggle to swallow. He managed and in a few seconds he was out cold.

Using my wand I cut open his robes as carefully and gently as I could and slid them off his body. Pulling a sheet up to his waist for modesty and privacy, I examined the spot where the blood had been coming from. It was a deep gash, identical to the one on his face, that extended from the middle of his left rib cage to his right hip. In addition to this deadly wound he had even more bruises- they seemed to cover every inch of his upper body. The two cuts were the ones I needed to heal first and as I set to work I came to realize quickly that it wasn't going to be easy. Clearly whoever had done this knew what they were doing and it was obviously dark magic. The gash on his abdomen was the worse of the two and that was the one I'd started with. I'd just finished bandaging it up when there was a crack from behind me, I turned and saw James standing there holding up Remus, who looked better than Sirius at least.

"Bailey!" He exclaimed sounding relieved and panicked at the same time. "Thank Merlin! I need help!"

"Here, let's put him right here," I said only just remembering to put on the American accent. "What happened? Fabian said you were attacked, but I thought they weren't supposed to know you were there."

"They weren't- we were compromised." James said and I handed a dreamless draught to him. "There's a leak on our side and that's how they found out. We walked into a trap." He added as I turned back and started healing the cut on Sirius face.

"James, how are you at healin'?" I asked not looking up from the task at hand.

"I'm alright- not nearly as good as you or any of the other healers, but fair," He replied sounding confused.

"Well, that'll work for now- get started on Remus, whatever you can do and if you come across somethin' serious let me know," I said and he nodded.

"How's Sirius?" He asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Well, I think he'll live," I said finishing the bandaging on his face. "He's gonna have a couple of scars, that's for sure, but I've stopped the bleeding and healed the gashes as best I can. The bruises aren't going to go away any time soon, either," I added with a sigh. I grabbed a bottle of ointment and started rubbing it carefully over all the bruised areas. "James, how did he get all these bruises?"

"I dunno exactly. Everything happened so fast and I was busy trying to fight off a couple of Death Eaters to really notice much else." He said shaking his head, looking at his best mate with a look that broke my heart. "I know that there were, like, five of them wailing on him- muggle style. He was already down for the count by then, but they just kept going at him. Then the next time I looked up Fabian had him and Remus and was dragging them back into an alley. I finally got past the Death Eater I'd been fighting and followed him. He said he was taking Sirius because he was in more critical condition and he couldn't carry the both of them. He disapparated and I was about to follow him, but then more Death Eaters found us."

"I'm just happy you guys were able to make it out alive," I said checking over Sirius, making sure I'd done all I could, before moving over to Remus' bed. "Did you send out an alert?"

"Yes, Just after Fabian disappeared with Sirius." James replied with a nod. Then after a second he said, "We're just lucky you were here tonight- you're the best healer we've got and I dunno if any of the others would have been able to handle this- especially Sirius."

"I do the best I can."

I cleaned Remus up the best I could and then James and I collapsed into the two chairs that were between the beds. James was looking at Sirius as though he didn't know him and couldn't believe that this was his best mate- brother, really- laying there. I, myself, still couldn't believe what had happened. My mind was trying to catch up with my body.

"I hate seeing him like this," James said after about an hour of silence. "You know, Sirius was the invincible one, always coming out of impossible situations unscathed and cracking jokes. Drove Remus and me insane, but I never thought that this could happen."

"That's the thing you've got to remember, though," I said and he looked over at me. "Nobody's invincible or untouchable- some people just happen to have an extraordinary amount of luck."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"No, no let her sleep- she doesn't need to hear this first thing after everything she did last night," I heard a distant voice breaking into my sleep. I stirred a little bit and opened my eyes.

"Wassa goinon?" I asked groggily. I sat up and stretched, my back and neck cracking.

"Oh, you're awake," The same voice said. I looked up and saw Zoey standing there, James and Lily beside her. They all had that bad news look on there faces and all the grogginess melted away immediately.

"What? What happened?" I asked looking from James to Lily to Zoey.

"A-er, Bailey, we've got some bad news," She said sitting down next to me. "You see, last night…well…how do I put this?" But I already had an idea of what she was trying to say.

"Who died?" I asked looking up at James who looked back sadly.

"Gideon and Fabian Prewett," He said after a second and I froze.

"Bailey, you okay?" Zoey asked, moving closer to me. "Hey, hey, breathe- c'mon, take a breath," She added and when I did breathe I started to hyperventilate.

I slid from the chair to the floor and was gasping for air, my body convulsing. Everything around me fell away and then all I could hear was my own ragged, wheezing breathing and my heart pounding in my ears. Gideon and Fabian- but I had talked to Fabian just hours ago…how could he be gone? He _promised_ he'd come back alive. They just couldn't be dead…and yet they were.

I'm not sure how long my break down lasted, but time seemed to stop. And then I felt James picking me up by elbows and leading me to the room across the hall.

"Hey, calm down, calm down!" He said setting me down on a bed and eased back until I was lying down. "Bailey, you need try and control your breathing." He added firmly.

"James, I'll handle her- you go back to your friends," Zoey said, gently pushing him toward the door. He nodded and closed the door as he left.

"Addi, listen to me- James is right. You need to slow your breathing down and relax." She said softly, sitting next to me. "Good, that's much better. Just take deep breaths."

"I can't…believe it…Fabian…Gideon…_dead_!" I said closing my eyes.

"I know, I know," She said taking my hand in hers. "Don't think about that now- just concentrate on calming down."

Soon I fell asleep again, only to dream about Death Eaters and the Prewett brothers and the despair that seemed to be settling into my bones. When I jerked awake a few hours later Dumbledore had replaced Zoey.

"Miss Pogue, how are you feeling?" He asked as I slowly sat up.

"Bloody awful and yourself, Professor?" I replied rubbing my head.

"I have been better, I'm afraid," He said sadly. "But right now I am here to discuss you."

"What about me?"

"I want you to take a few days to recover from all of this. I can only imagine how trying and exhausting this has been on you and it will do some good to get away." He said looking at me over his half-moon spectacles. "This means from work, as well as from the Order."

"But, sir, what if something else happens? I need to be here-" I started but he held a hand up to stop me.

"Miss Pogue, what you need to do is allow yourself some time to get over this terrible loss. It will not do to have you handling more than you can- we need you strong if you're going to be continuing to fight in this war." Dumbledore said firmly. "This is not a request, it is an order."

"Very well, sir," I said looking up at him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I took three days to grieve and mourn the loss of the Fabian and Gideon Prewett. But after that I was ready to move on and take on whatever came. I swore to myself that I'd do anything it took to bring Voldemort and his Death Eaters down.

"Hey, you're back," Zoey said as I walked into Headquarters on Wednesday.

"Yeah, I'm ready to be back. How have things been here?" I asked as I hung my coat up.

"Well, Remus has been moved for, er, personal reasons and Sirius is impatient to be released." She replied with a laugh. "He seems to think that the fact he can barely walk is insignificant."

"That figures- he always was restless." I said rolling my eyes. Only Sirius would be able to shrug off almost being killed like that. "Well, what's for lunch? I'm starving."

"Whatever you can find, I suppose," She replied shrugging.

I rummaged around and found nothing but some crumpets and muffins. I'd just sat down opposite Zoey and began eating when James walked in.

"Hey, Zoey, how are you?" He asked, grabbing a cup and pouring himself some tea.

"Alright, I'm hanging in." She said with a nod. "What about you? You look like a train wreck."

"Thank you, I feel like one too." He replied sarcastically. "But between Sirius and the Order and work…well it's just been a rough week. Do you know when Bailey's going to be back? Sirius refuses to let any other healer work on him since the pepper-up incident."

"What 'pepper-up' incident?" I asked and James whirled around, sloshing some of his tea down him.

"You're back! Thank Merlin!" He exclaimed waving his wand and cleaning up the tea. "Well, that one healer- the loopy one- was trying to help him with his bruising ointment and decided that she wanted to give him a pepper-up potion, to make him feel better. Which would have been all well and fine, except she didn't exactly give him a pepper-up potion…actually, we're still not sure what she gave him. Whatever it was made him swell up and look like a sick plum. We manage to fix it, though. Anyway, after that he refused to let anyone except the witch who saved his life work on him."

"How long ago was this?" I asked taken aback.

"Hm, about two days ago," He said shaking his head. "He's let me help him with the ointment, but those bandages on his gashes haven't been changed in a while. He won't see anyone but you."

"Didn't the other two healers do well enough? Why does he need me?" I asked confused.

"I dunno…he seems to think that the only person good enough is the healer who saved him." James replied with a shrug. "Besides, he wants to thank you personally. C'mon, let's go."

I looked at Zoey, who just shrugged and shook her head. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see Sirius in his injured state after just getting over Fabian and Gideon, but I really had no choice but to follow James upstairs. He opened the door and stepped inside, but I paused just outside. I took a deep breath, steeled myself, and went in.

"Hey, buddy, look who I found," James was saying as I closed the door.

I turned to look at Sirius- he still looked like he'd been through hell and back, but it was still a sight better than he'd looked three days ago. The bruises had faded from blackish-purple to a yellowish-green. He was sitting up, reading a book, and looking like he was going insane with boredom.

"Finally! Someone who won't try to kill me when they're supposed to making me better," Sirius exclaimed, snapping the book shut and laying on the table beside his bed. "Just where have you been the past few days?"

"I've been on leave, but I'm back now," I said walking over to check his cuts. "I hear we've had a rough couple of days, Mr. Black. Refusing to be treated and here I thought ya wanted to get out of here."

"I do, but good help is so hard to find." He replied with a sigh. "And I thought we established that it Sirius," He added with a mischievous grin.

"Alright, then, Sirius," I said rolling my eyes, "how are you feeling? Any pain or bleeding?"

"Hm, well, the bruises throb every now and then, but that ointment has been doing wonders. And the cuts have been okay, but they still hurt sometimes." He replied with a shrug.

I removed the bandage from his face and saw the cut had mostly healed, leaving a fairly noticeable scar behind. I touched the spot and heard him take a sharp intake of breath. I looked down at him.

"Well, it looks like the cut has healed as best as it's going to. Still tender, I see, but that will go away with time." I told him, moving down to his stomach. "Hm, this one seems to be taking a little bit longer to heal, but it doesn't look infected, so that's good."

"See, Prongsie, I told you I'd be fine," Sirius said turning to James.

"Merlin, Padfoot, even when you almost die you can brush it off," He voiced what I- and probably everyone else- was thinking. "One of these days, Sirius, you're going to get into something you can't get out of."

"Oh don't be so overdramatic, James." He replied rolling his eyes. "So, how's Remus doing?"

"Well, me and Pete-"

"Pete and I," I corrected automatically. And then, about two seconds later I realized the colossal mistake I'd just made- and that James and Sirius had realized it too.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: dun dun dun- what will happen next?! haha well, I told you guys there would be a lot more action in this chapter, hoped you all liked it!! just a reminder: there's only one more chapter left till the epilogue, so we're winding up here. Also, for all those who have read Sunshine and have been wondering what the hell happened to the sequel, Bloody Brilliant- I am SO SO sorry, but I got kind of sidetracked and wrapped up in this story and I kind of lost interest for a while, but as soon as I post the last two chapters for this story, I promise that I'm going to go back and work on it. hopefully I'll another chapter out soon. so don't worry, I am still writing that story:p oh, and we all know how much I love my reviews ;p**


	15. Confessions and Identities

Ch. 15- Confessions and Identities

_Come on, take a step towards me  
So you can figure me out  
I've been hoping and praying for a single way  
To show you what I'm all about  
And I know, and I know this is the only way of pleasing the crowds  
But when this is over and done with and we walk away  
There should be no doubts_

_Beauty in the Breakdown- The Scene Aesthetic_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"What did you just say?" James asked as Sirius said at the same time, "Bloody hell."

"Um," I said looking around the room and trying to think quickly of something to cover up what I'd done. I came up with nothing.

"It couldn't be her, could it?" James asked squinting as though he'd be able to see the real me that way.

"I couldn't be who?" I asked pretending to be confused.

"James, are you a wizard or not? Just do that test- you know the one we found in sixth year," Sirius said impatiently and I wondered what he was talking about- whatever it was, though, couldn't be good.

"Oh right," James said taking out his wand.

"Whoa! Wait right there! You are not doing some freaky magic thing to me!" I exclaimed backing up towards the door.

"Hey, if you're who you say you are, nothing will happen," Sirius said raising an eyebrow at me. And then, while I was looking at him, James waved his wand and I felt a cold sensation wash over me. The only other thing I felt was my nose reverting back to its original shape and length, but I was sure that my hair and eyes had returned to normal as well. How could I have forgotten that James was a bloody prodigy at Transfiguration?

"Addi, it _is_ you!" James said shocked.

"What's with the secret identity?" Sirius asked somewhat suspiciously. "Passing information that could cause ambushes?"

"Don't you dare accuse me of betrayal!" I all but shouted angrily. "I did not and would not ever betray anything that goes on in this Order to Voldemort. I'd rather die."

"Fascinating, considering that you went running back to your family after school ended. How do we know that you're not a double agent of some sort?" He asked his voice cold as ice.

"Sirius, I saved your life- don't you think if I was Death Eater posing as an Order member I'd be trying to eliminate you?" I asked as though it should have been obvious. "If that had been the case I would have just let you died and made it seemed like I had tried my hardest."

"Or this could have just been your way of getting in close to Dumbledore," Sirius replied crossing his arms. I stifled a scream of frustration.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I invented Bailey was because of you?" I shot back at him and he looked at a loss for words. "For your information Sirius, I am in this to bring down Voldemort and all the hell he's been raising. You don't believe me? I can get Dumbledore to vouch for me."

"Who else knew?" James asked quietly, watching me.

"Zoey and…" I trailed off, not wanting to bring Fabian and Gideon up. I felt my eyes tear up and I turned away.

"And who?"

"The Prewett brothers," I choked out. "That was it. Fabian was the one who got me in and Zoey and I came up with Bailey Anderson so that I could just fit in and not cause an uproar."

Sirius hadn't said anything since I'd snapped at him. I wiped my eyes and turned back around only to see him looking at me. But there was something different about his gaze and it took me a moment to realize that it wasn't the loathing I'd become accustomed to receiving when I was around him- it was more of a curious confusion now. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head.

"Hey, Prongs, can you give us a minute?" He asked James, who nodded and left. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes and then Sirius broke the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between us.

"You really changed your identity because of me?" He asked and I looked at him.

"Well, yeah, I kind of had to," I replied with a shrug. "Look, Sirius, after James and Lily's wedding any chance of the real me coming into the Order unscathed and not causing problems was out of the question. That was the last thing I wanted to do."

"I read your letter," He said suddenly.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I did. At first I thought about just throwing it away, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to. Finally, about a month after the wedding, I opened it and read it. It took me three or four times through to understand and another two or three to believe it. It sunk in eventually, though." He explained looking everywhere but at me. "There have been so many times that I've just wanted to find you and apologize. I should have let you explain, I should've-"

"Sirius, you had every right in the world to be mad at me," I interrupted softly. "If anybody should be apologizing it should be me. I never should have carried through with that bloody plan- it was stupid and hurtful and…I really can't explain how much of a mistake it was. I completely understood your reaction and I deserved everything you threw at me."

"I said a lot of shitty things to you, especially about Abraham Nott."

"Well, you were right."

"Addi, I was just too pissed to think rationally. You were the first girl I ever really loved and to find out it had all been a sham…well, I just couldn't handle it. I tried so hard to forget about you and move on, but I couldn't. During the day I surrounded myself with girls I knew could comfort me physically, but at night it was different. While whatever girl I'd shagged slept peacefully beside me I was awake trying to get your face out of my head. You seemed to be just fine, which made it all the worse.

"And then school ended and I didn't see you again until the wedding." He continued looking up at me. "I'd cooled down by all means by then, but just the sight of you was enough to ignite my anger full fledge again. I think it was because you looked so good and I missed you and I was pissed at myself for being so weak, so I took it out on you." He went on with a sigh. "At the reception you told me that you hadn't planned on talking to me, well I hadn't planned on talking to you either. But after a few glasses of firewhiskey I was ready for a full confrontation. After you fled the reception I drowned myself in self pity and more firewhiskey."

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I shouldn't have lost my temper at the reception, but you really do bring out the worst in me," I told him and he gave a little laugh. I sat down on the edge of the bed. "You should know that I was never okay after we yelled at each other at school, I just acted the part because I'm not one to show weakness. And I didn't want you to regret leaving me. You deserve to be happy, Sirius."

"And you don't? Addi, I know you said that you don't deserve me and that I should be with someone worthy of my love, but I haven't found anyone half as worthy as you," He said quietly. "I went to your wedding." He blurted out a second later.

"You what?"

"Yes, I was there- I foolishly thought that I could come in and sweep you off your feet. I played it all out in my head, but once I got there I couldn't do it. You looked so beautiful and in place up there next Nott. I didn't want to ruin it for you." He said with a sad smile. "Does he know that you're doing this?"

"He doesn't even know where I am," I replied matter-of-factly and Sirius looked at me confused. "You must have left before all the excitement and drama."

"What are you on about?" He asked the crease in his brow deepening.

"I never married him, Sirius- I walked out on the wedding and…on my family." I said with a smile. "You were actually the one who saved me from that mistake."

"Me? How?"

"Well, as I was standing at the altar I realized that I was being stupid and I thought about everything that had happened to me in the seven years I'd been at Hogwarts," I explained now not meeting his gaze. "You had the biggest influence on my life, Sirius, and you taught me not only how to love, but how to listen to my heart. And in the end that was what gave me the courage to stand up to my parents."

"Wow, that's quite the accomplishment. So where did you go after you disappeared from the wedding?" He asked curiously.

I quickly explained all the events that had transpired since my wedding and how I'd come to where I was now. Getting through the parts with Fabian and Gideon were hard and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it, but somehow I managed.

"I never meant to even talk to anyone in the Order for fear they might somehow recognize me, but Fabian and Gideon, being the buggers that they are- were, I mean," I said correcting myself, "took it upon themselves to make me socialize with people. And then I thought you were trying to ask me out." I added with a sheepish grin.

"Yes, well, stupid James kept telling me that if I wasn't going to try and win you back that I needed to start dating again. I didn't really want to, but he's such a persistent blighter that I had no choice," He replied grinning back at me. "I really have missed you, you know," He added more seriously now.

"Yeah, I've missed you too," I said looking down at the floor.

We were both skirting around the topic that was bound to come up next: where did we go from here? He hadn't exactly come right out and say as much, but I was pretty sure that he still liked me- maybe even loved me. And as much as I wanted to be with him, there was something stopping me.

"Addi, we need to talk about-"

"What happens next?" I finished for him and he nodded. "Look, Sirius, I still stand by what I said in that letter- you deserve to be with someone worthy of your love and you need to be happy," I added quietly, looking back up at him.

"And I've already told you that I haven't found anyone half as right for me as you are," He replied tilting his head to the side. "You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else."

"You don't understand…I'm just now beginning to learn how to make myself happy. I'm the absolute worst person that you could ever want to be with," I said with a little smile. "And if you haven't found someone yet, well that just means she's still out there."

"Or maybe she's sitting right here, next to me." He shot back more firmly. "You're never going to be happy until you allow yourself to be. Don't worry about making me miserable, I've hit rock bottom, trust me."

"Sirius," I sighed but he interrupted.

"Listen, be honest with yourself, okay? What's going to make happy? If there's one thing you could choose in the world that would make you smile and keep you happy, what would it be?" He asked folding his hands in his lap.

I knew what would make me happy; the problem was I couldn't grasp the concept that he wanted me. Why, after all I had I done to him, would he want to be with me? He had to be crazy- out of his mind! Besides, I still wasn't sure if I even deserved to be happy. It had been drilled into me endlessly that the pureblood definition of happiness definitely didn't include love. I shook my head slightly, trying to get those thoughts out.

"I know what will make me happy, Sirius," I told him now. "That's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"Accepting it," I replied with a shrug. "You're insane if you want to be with me after what I did. Besides, you're insane to want to be with me anyway. I'm nothing but one big mess." I added standing and turning away from him to straighten the tray of vials.

"So what if I'm insane? Addi, how are suppose to make yourself happy when you don't know how? You've got to have someone show you the way. James had to show me. And if you're just going to keep pretending everything's fine, then no one will know you need help." He said and I heard him struggling to swing his feet over the bed to stand up.

"What are you doing?" I asked facing him, my eyebrows furrowing.

"I'm going…to make…you…see sense," He huffed finally getting both feet on the ground. His breathing was ragged as he pushed himself up into a standing position.

"Sirius, lay back down!" I ordered. "You are in no condition to strain yourself like this."

"And you…are in no…condition…" He trailed off, swaying on the spot ominously. I rushed forward to steady him and then I pushed him back down onto the bed.

"Exactly," I said sternly, laying him back and helping him get his legs back up on the bed. I straightened back up and turned to grab a potion, but Sirius caught my arm and tugged me back.

"Stop running from everyone," He whispered hoarsely. "Let me help you."

"I want to, but it's not that simple," I whispered back. "I'm scared."

"It's okay. I'm scared too."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A month passed and even I had to admit that I was happier. There had been a funeral for Fabian and Gideon, which was hard, but otherwise I was recovering as best I could. Slowly I was piecing together a life where I didn't have to cover up things and pretend that I was just fine.

Zoey and I talked more about things I'd kept quiet about, like my family and pureblood codes of honor. It helped a lot and we became closer than ever. I wasn't close to being happy and I wasn't sure if I would ever be completely happy, but bit by bit I was learning what it took.

Sirius was the one who helped the most with getting back on my feet. He'd gone through this already and could relate to exactly what was happening. He'd been bed ridden for another week before he was able to leave Headquarters. All of his bruises had almost faded completely and the two cuts left nothing but scars- one that stretched from eyebrow to his cheekbone and the other that stretched from rib to hip. He was quite proud of his scars, said they gave him character and a story to tell. He wasn't worried about disfigurement or being any less good looking and in an odd way the scars made him more handsome. Maybe it was because he didn't care or maybe it was just me.

"So, what would you do if you came face to face with your brother?" I asked him one day as we lay on the floor of the flat Zoey and I shared. We were staring at the ceiling, asking "what if" questions.

"I dunno…on the one hand I'd really want to take him out because he's one of them, but at the same time…he's my brother, you know?" He replied with a sigh. "I dunno if I'd have it in me to kill him. Okay, if you could go back and change one event or thing in your life what would it be?"

"Hm…the one event I'd want to go back change," I paused thoughtfully. "When I was fourteen my brother came home over the Christmas holidays. He had been a death eater for six years by then and he was no longer the brother I'd once known. Ade was set in his ways about Voldemort and I think my parents told him how difficult I was being. That was why he came home- to persuade me to the pureblood way of thinking. But nothing my parents or brother ever brought me round to their ways.

"One night after dinner, Ade came to my room and we talked. It was the last conversation I'd had with him before he died. He told me that if I wasn't careful there would come a time when he wouldn't be able to protect me any longer. He said that I should just give up and give in because I was going to be married off to a wealthy pureblood and then I'd be straightened out whether I liked it or not." I continued, seeing the whole thing unfold in my mind. "I told him that my mind was made up and as soon as I was of age I was gone- no looking back. He just laughed and said that my father and he would find me and bring me back. Then he used the Cruciatus Curse on me to remind of my place. I was okay- it wasn't as bad as I suspect he could have made it- but the one thing I wish I would have done was fight back. Even though I was underage I wish I would have done something."

"Addi…" Sirius said with a sigh, looking at me.

"He was my brother…I know if given the choice he would have killed me if he had to," I whispered, turning my head to look at him as well. "Is it terrible that I still loved him in spite of that?"

"No, it shows that you're better than the lot of them," Sirius replied his hand slipping into mine, fingers wrapping themselves protectively around mine. "It shows that you could have never been anything like them. They don't have the ability to love." He added and I smiled at him.

"So…what would do if I said that pretending to date you was the best thing that ever happened to me?" I asked changing to a much lighter subject.

"I'd say that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," He replied, kissing me and I laughed. "What would you do if I…" He paused looking unsure for a moment.

"If you what?" I prompted raising an eyebrow.

"If I asked you to marry me," He said finally. I blinked once and then again to make sure I'd heard right.

"I'd say yes," I said with a smile as fished a ring out of his pocket and put it on my finger.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: alright, I figured since we all know how Sirius' future is going to turn out I needed to give ya guys some sort cheesy, fluffy ending to this chapter- I hope it wasn't too bad...so here you go- Sirius and Addi are back together and engaged and in love...yay! of course, no all stories have happy endings, just like in life. and yes, the epilogue is all there is left. I personally like the way I've ended, I can't really see any other way to end it and have it be good, but I guess you'll have to decide for yourself! anyways, I'll stop rambling now so that you all can leave a nice lovely review!! ;p till next time:p**


	16. Epilogue Through the Veil

Epilogue- Through the Veil

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sirius and I were engaged, James and Lily were expecting their first child, and Zoey was dating a guy she met through Remus. Life was going as it should have, but nothing good lasts for long. Voldemort was after the Potters and they had to go into hiding. However, that's when everything started to fall apart.

I'd moved in with Sirius and it was Halloween of 1981, Sirius was checking on Lily and James seeing as he was their secret keeper- or so everyone thought. What happened in the next few hours was a blur and all I can remember was hearing that Sirius Black had been arrested for passing the information that led to James and Lily's deaths. I couldn't believe what was happening- James and Lily dead, Sirius arrested for helping…none of it added up. And yet there wasn't any other possible explanation.

The years passed and I found myself in a rut. I'd go to work at St. Mungo's and then go back home- to the same flat Sirius and I had bought- to do work for Dumbledore. I'd gone to him about two weeks after everything and insisted that I keep working for the Order, even if wasn't going to be active. And that was how I found myself helping Dumbledore pinpoint places that Voldemort could be hiding or tracking down Death Eaters in hiding. As the years wore on, I found myself obsessed with finding out exactly what had happened on that Halloween night so long ago.

And then Sirius escaped- he'd done the impossible and broken out of Azkaban. I'd been moved to the Caribbean Islands by St. Mungo's by then and wasn't the least bit surprised. The rumors were that Sirius must have had to know some serious- no pun intended- dark magic to break out. Nobody seemed to realize that he was just brilliantly smart and dark magic had nothing to with it. Indeed, that next June, Sirius showed up on a hippogriff begging to explain himself.

He looked gaunt and not at all like the man I'd fallen in love with. But I saw the scar that ran from his eyebrow to his cheekbone and knew it was really him. He was much too thin and his cheeks were hollow with the malnutrition of the previous twelve years.

He was never the secret keeper, Peter was and it was Peter that had betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort. Sirius had broken out to get Peter when he'd saw him in his rat form on the shoulder of a boy who went to Hogwarts. Harry, James and Lily's son, now knew the truth, even though Peter had gotten away. But Sirius said that was better than nothing.

"So what are you going to do now?" I had asked after he finished the long story.

"Well, I had to flee the country for a while, just until I can get the hype in England to subside so that Harry isn't being watched at all times." He replied with a tired, sad sigh. "So I decided to go somewhere nice and warm- I figured it'd be a nice change from the dank, dark cell I've called home for twelve years." He added and I smiled at the fact that his humor hadn't entirely left him.

"How did you find me?" I pressed on, asking the question I'd wanted answered since I'd opened the door.

"Dumbledore- he told me that if I was able to get away I should try going to the Caribbean and looking up a healer there to check me over," He said with a small smile. "I didn't understand what he was talking about until I got here and looked up all the healers on the island. I was surprised when I saw your name and now here I am."

"Well, you're welcome to stay for as long as you need," I said walking over to him and wrapping my arms around him. He tensed for a second before encircling his arms around my body and clinging to me for dear life.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next couple of years were one disaster after another. I put in a request to be moved back to London after Sirius said he needed to go back to be closer to Harry. He refused to stay with me, just in case the Ministry got wind of him being back, but he always popped in and out for food and a chat. It was by no means the perfect relationship- no where near anything of the sort- but for right then that was alright.

Once Voldemort had come back and tried to kill Harry for the millionth time Dumbledore called the Order of the Phoenix back together. Our headquarters were the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black- Sirius' old house. I was quite familiar with the place and could just imagine how miserable Sirius must have been to be living there once more. He was on house arrest seeing as he was still at large, but I tried to stop in as often as possible to cheer him up. I knew he was usually just putting on a show for my benefit, but there were times when I knew he was happy to see me.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked as I walked into his room one day, to see him brooding.

"Bloody fantastic," He snapped glaring at the opposite wall.

"Look, I don't need that attitude, I'm only here for you," I replied shortly and he glanced over at me.

"Sorry. I'm alright, but I'd be better if I was out of here and able to do something," He said in a softer tone, scooting over on his bed and patting a spot for me to sit next to him.

"I know, love, I know, but until we've cleared your name and killed that rat of a traitor you've got to stay here." I told him, settling into the crook of his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I promise you, once we've got this whole bloody mess figured out and I'm a free man the first thing I'm going to do is marry you. The second is to take Harry from his unfit relatives." He said, kissing my temple and pulling me tighter to him. "We're gonna be happy and leave this whole war behind us."

"That sounds great, Sirius, absolutely perfect," I said closing my eyes and just living in that moment.

But as I've said good things- or even things that are as good as they'll get- never last. Sirius was killed by Bella and that was when it was hard to get back up. I'd already lost Sirius once and now I had to go through it all again. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I'd promised Sirius I'd look out for Harry if anything happened to him. Harry had no idea who I was, nor was it important that he did, but I did look out for him. I was the first to volunteer for his guard and watches and I always made sure that I had tabs on him. He didn't need to know me, only that there was someone watching out for him.

Now that the war's over and Harry is safe I can do what I've been planning on doing for three years now. I have nothing left to live for, truly, except for people who don't know me as well as they think they do- both Zoey and Remus died in the final battle.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I had a connection to the Department of Mysteries and that was how I knew how to get in and which door to go through. I found myself standing in front of the veil that had snatched Sirius from the living. I stood in front of it, listening to the voices that seemed to be whispering from just behind it. I knew what I had to do and strangely I wasn't scared.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and steeled myself. Then I walked through the veil, to the other side where, hopefully, Sirius was waiting with that world famous smirk of his and joke to crack about death finally getting him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N: well, there you are, the end...this kind of sad for me because I've enjoyed writing this story so much. I hope you guys that have stuck through it like the ending- I personally love it! haha but I have been working on this fic for almost a year and now it's done...so thanks to all those who have read, reviewed, and enjoyed this fic- it's you who have made this worth writing! and if you would, for one last time, click the little review button and let me know what ya think about the ending and the story all around! thanks!!**

**-madpoet08**


End file.
